advice please...=[

my life sounds like a soap opera right about now. in my past few blogs i talked about how amazing this guy, Chris, is. and he is. but now i'm having doubts about EVERYTHING. he's starting to act apprehensive...causing ME to act apprehensive...and now i'm doubting everything. so here's what i figured out.

Chris is wonderful...but...

He is technically still married. And his ex is pregnant. It shouldn't be his though...he swears they used protection every time they had sex...and she was cheating on him, the reason why they decided to get a divorce...up until recently i thought he left her after figuring this out...but...he said that SHE left HIM for the other guy...
Now the other guy is gone.
What if they decide to try to work things out? Say i'm dating him, totally in love. She has her kid...it turns out to be his after all...now they have TWO kids together...still not totally divorced...they decide to try again, make their family work...i'm left alone.
Jackie is seven months pregnant. I'd have two months until i have to worry about this...is that even enough to make him like me more?

I'm 18. He's 21. I'm a freshman. He's a senior (BUT he has two more years before he can actually graduate...). he has a KID. and he lives in an apartment on his own! I live in a dorm. he pays bills and works full time AND goes to school full time. I work six hours a week at the library. our lives are drastically different, the maturity of the situations is very different. our maturity level in general, on the other hand, is NOT different. he is very smart but i am as well. he thinks hes smarter than everyone though. i'm not stupid enough to think that. we both sit around and waste time playing Magic the Gathering and N64...we're like little kids...with very adult minds...idk, hard to explain. but we are on the same maturity level.

i feel like a little kid trying to be an adult. Chris's life is an adult life. Even though he acts like a kid, he was forced to grow up when he was 19 and he got his girlfriend pregnant. he grew up more when he got married...and he grew up more when his marriage failed. if i date him, i have to grow up too. he has a kid..and i'll have to deal with that. eventually, if we actually lasted, i'd have to be involved in the kids life. i'm 18...i've never dated an adult in anyway shape or form, my last boyfriend was a year and a half younger than me. but now i want to date an adult who has a kid and is technically still married?

what am i thinking?

i'm thinking Chris's eyes are the perfect shade of brown. when he first held my hand i had butterflies in my stomach for the first time since i left Storm. when i'm with Chris there is no one else. Chris is the only thing on my mind since the day i met him. he is a youth minister, it HAS to be a sign from God. Chris makes me laugh a real laugh and smile the biggest smile. Chris is smart. Chris is sweet. Chris treated me so right (until last week...) It's cute how Chris will say "thats happy" describing something good that happens in Magic. Chris plays guitar and sings....and he writes his own songs. Chris's smile is perfect. Chris signs the credit card thing at walmart "God Bless" or "Jesus Saves" or something like that. Chris is crazy. Chris drives to Catawba and ends up in Springfield early in the morning when we have school the next day just cause he wanted to drive around and he was enjoying spending time with me and Dorian. Chris always gives me his black deck to play with so that i win against everyone in a group melee. Even when Chris decides that he doesn't want me anymore he makes sure we are walking side by side in walmart and he holds open the doors. Chris stops in the middle of walmart to walk on his hands- and fails.

Theres so many good things about Chris, i could keep listing them forever. But i think the good doesn't really matter. What matters is, should i date Chris? Is it worth it? There is a possibility that Jackie will have her baby and Chris will go back to her. There is a possibility that I won't be able to handle Noah (his son). There is a possibility that i WILL be able to handle Noah, that I will end up LOVING Noah...then if we split, what will i do?? Noah could end up heartbroken...i could end up heartbroken...i could see myself alone, heartbroken...i think i'll end up hurt either way. if i go with him, bad things will surely happen along the way. the question is, is the possibility of being happy worth the possibility of being totally and completely crushed? i'm already torn up about this...there is bound to be only more sadness to come...but the happiness i felt...that was rare, i know it. i've been with several guys and i've never felt like this...i never wanted something so bad before...and i don't know why i want him! i mean the whole situation is so fucked up! yet i am dying trying to find a way to get him, trying to find an excuse to call, trying to find the words to say...i'm losing my mind.

please, anyone, help me out. what should i do?