I'm all choked up and you're okay.

You told me it was all a mistake, that your feelings were always true but the words did not match. Everything you said is carved in my mind an I replay them night after night. The pain becomes unbearable and now i'm barely breathing. All you can do is curse and call, attempt to change but never succeeding.
Pushed down and around by someone so heartless, so uncaring and unaware. I'm falling to pieces and you want to talk. Talk talk talk. As if your words have not been heard before, by another unsuspecting like me. I'd have crossed my heart and hoped to die if you'd asked but never did you care for my freedom, for my feelings or for my thoughts. It was all you all over.
If there's one thing I've learned, its not to trust. You've taught me to be weary and scared and insecure. You've taught me no matter what people say there is always an underlying current: a current waiting to drag you down into an endless spiral of guilt and shame.
Next time I'll save myself the hurt. I'll walk away before trust becomes an issue, I'll cry before the words have been said and I'll pretend that all is well. I'll fake a smile better than ever and you'll never know the pain you've caused.

Congratulations, you're bettter than ever and i can't keep from being all choked up and trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

I wrote this while listening to Heartless by Kanye West, Break Even by The Script, Cross my Heart by the Rocket Summer and Run by Snow Patrol.
Posted on December 13th, 2008 at 09:37am


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