2009: A Year of New Beginnings.

A letter to myself:

Dear me,

This year has been a tough one. Though there have been a few in the past that were financially and emotionally tough as well, two thousand and eight has set the bar for the worst years of all time in these sixteen -- almost seventeen years of life. You've done well, and you've managed to keep yourself alive through all of the pain you have struggled through.

January was a month of hazy predictions with the year to come. It was hard to tell whether there was a reason to be optimistic or pessimistic about the outlook. February came along; your 16th birthday. It wasn't much for you to look forward to, because the last few didn't go so well. A letter from your girlfriend of almost a year and a snow day. What could be better? The year seemed to be going in the right direction from here.

Weeks passed, and the time started moving slowly. Your girlfriend wasn't around as much as you wanted, and you acted like an idiot when you were depressed all of those times you should have been happy. She couldn't take it, and someone who looked kind of like you lived by her. She slipped right through your fingers two days after your one year anniversary in late March. You still can't even stop kicking yourself in the head for making that mistake of chasing her away. After all, who would want some guy who is more than six hundred miles away, when they could have someone that is so much closer?

Every last day of March was stabbing you in the throat and tightening on your lungs. She was still coming in to see you during her spring break, but the thought of what was to come afterward was haunting your dreams. You were sick to your stomach every moment she wasn't yours. And then she came. You spent three days together, and they were the happiest you'd been in so long. All the pain that was submerging your body had finally disappeared. Then she was gone, and everything hit you so much harder.

It was on that special Sunday in April that she decided she wanted you back. It was a mistake to leave you, she said, even though you really deserved it. Things were going well until you decided to get sad again. She started liking that friend of hers that you have grown to hate. Devastating as it was, you could do nothing but live with the stinging fact he existed. She eventually told you it wore off, but with the way things had been going, it was hard to believe.

May passed as a blur, and June was only good in the beginning. You visited her for four days, and they were amazing. Once you'd left, everything was falling faster than you could take. She was gone most of the time, and you didn't know what to do with yourself. Things got out of hand, and in September, you started trying to fix things too late. She left you for the rich kid that was full of himself. This time, you waited longer, trying so hard to force yourself to keep things as stable as possible.

October, and you have her once again. Paranoid to keep her in reach, you go on and off with mood changes and personality defects that haven't been present since two thousand and six. November is slow and the moods get worse. December; worse, but settling more toward the end. And here you sit, typing a letter to yourself. Reminding yourself of all the bullshit you've had to go through. This past year is a year to forget. A year that had many good memories, but more bad ones than anything.

So here we hope for a wonderful New Year. A year where the glass is half full, and if not, more than. 2009 is the year that Jesse Asthenia will come to be a happier, more fulfilled person. A person that cherishes and appreciates everything he has. The clock is ticking. You will be 17 years old, you will have a job, you will get your license, and you will lose some weight to better yourself.

Here is to 2009. A year of new beginnings.
Posted on December 31st, 2008 at 10:33pm

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