New Year Reflections
Here it is, a bit after 2 am on January 1st 2009. As I sit, I can't help but think how far I have come and how far I have to go. Within the last year, I have kicked the habit of smoking weed and it seems like everything is alright.
Yet, I can't help but wonder if I really like this...not having anything to fall back on when everything comes crashing down around me. No worries leaving me like the puff of smoke exiting my lungs. Sobriety isn't all it's cracked up to be right now. Sure, it's nice having my parents trust me again...and having old friendships rekindled. But I can't seem to shake the feeling that I want it again...want the high from the tasty green weed...the racing thoughts from the tiny white lines...the rush of heat from the burning liquid...
Life right now is getting harder than ever. The reality of SAT scores, College Applications, Honors and AP Courses all hitting me like a sack of bricks. I crave my vices more than ever...wish they could take me away from the stressful life I'm living like they once did.
Yet, here I must stay...stone cold sober... "loving life"... wishing it would end...
Yet, I can't help but wonder if I really like this...not having anything to fall back on when everything comes crashing down around me. No worries leaving me like the puff of smoke exiting my lungs. Sobriety isn't all it's cracked up to be right now. Sure, it's nice having my parents trust me again...and having old friendships rekindled. But I can't seem to shake the feeling that I want it again...want the high from the tasty green weed...the racing thoughts from the tiny white lines...the rush of heat from the burning liquid...
Life right now is getting harder than ever. The reality of SAT scores, College Applications, Honors and AP Courses all hitting me like a sack of bricks. I crave my vices more than ever...wish they could take me away from the stressful life I'm living like they once did.
Yet, here I must stay...stone cold sober... "loving life"... wishing it would end...
OH LOL
sorry just onto, you're called Kim too.
I meant myself when I said Kim btw.
sorry epic fail @ me x]
paper heart., January 1st, 2009 at 09:28:14am
Trust me on this, what you've achieved is astounding.
Just look back and remind yourself how far you've come ever time you get a relapse craving.
I know there will be days when its even physically unbearable forget emotionally, just stay strong yeah? You're gonna be an inspiration to people around you.
Remember that.
Taking a quick exit for a little while only leaves more mess to clean up later.
You're looking at your future in terms of deadlines and demands.
Just imagine the possibilities, remind yourself of your hopes and dreams, have a firm goal. It doesnt need to be sane, it doesn't need to be convential, something to look forward to.
My name's Kim and my goal is to travel to the Amazon Basin on a motorbike. (:
Your turn (:
paper heart., January 1st, 2009 at 09:26:51am