Being Bi. And Liking it. (Edited and Completed)

I realize I placed this entry under "Personal Issues", and that it was not completely logical to do that, for this is not an issue at all. Maybe it is for others. But not me. And this is about me. It is my blog. And as it is my blog, on my own little slab of this infinite plane called Internet, I will be selfish and write about nothing but me. Well, at least in this post. So; Bisexual. Definition:
1. Biology.
a. of both sexes.
b. combining male and female organs in one individual; hermaphroditic.

Whoa! Excuse me, Dictionary.com? Did you just say that I have both male and female sexual organs? That is not what I mean when I refer to myself as "Bi". Oh, wait; there's also this definition: sexually responsive to both sexes. Also referred to as ambisexual. That sounds much better. I have nothing against hermaphrodites, especially since I am not aware of knowing one, but I have checked- and I am certainly not one myself. So, I'll stick with the second definition of bisexual: the first definition of ambisexual.

My Journey to Ambisexual Discovery:
I am 14 years old, just two months shy of 15. That is not old by the standard life span of an average American (75 years). Yet I have already discovered one of the most important defining parts of myself. That is my attraction to both male and female persons. In third grade, I got in my first fight with a girl. She won. The fight was over me having magical abilities. Dark ones. She beat me in a track race and made fun of me for being fat and slow. So I said I'd hex her into a slow and painful death. Of course, like any other every-Sunday-church-going third grade girl, she told the "Solutions" counselor. I was called to the office, made to say sorry to her face, and released to the elementary world that had just been informed of my dark talents. Although some feared me for it, most laughed at and mocked me. My second fight came from a blond horse princess who sniggered in my face, "I hear you talk to sPiRiTs!" I said shut up and hit her in the nose. Luckily, there were no reprocussions from this as we were to board the big yellow prison they call transportation. Whew!
-All of this elementary hissy-fit stuff really is important, I swear.-
My third fight came from a boy. Apparently, he had a thing for the aforementioned horse princess. Well, he tripped me in line, and I took it to the face; not the right thing for a life-cherishing person to do to a proud, third grade me. Let's just say he was missing for the next two days, and I was shunned by anyone that boy ever talked to. That's when I saw that all people are the same- boy or girl. They all ran away from the problem instead of taking me up on my challenge. They got other people to do their "payback". And you know; I have to thank them. They made me realize that I hated both girls AND boys. Only I ruled. They ALL drooled... As the rhyme goes. So that realization of hate for both genders graduated to fifth grade, where it became love for both genders. I had a best friend. A girl. And I also had a boyfriend, who I must admit, was a pretty awesome guy. Well, my best friend would always flirt this my awesome guy. That made me mad, but not at her. I tried to be mad at her, but I was really mad at myself. I couldn't stop thinking *Why does she flirt with him and not me?* Yes. I had my first girl-crush. She was a very flirtatious girl, and not only with boys. So it was pretty easy to be comfortable with liking her. And being comfortable with liking her, a short girl with a blond bob in blue plaid prep school clothes, made me comfortable with liking anybody.

Living the Dream:
I liked whoever I pleased, and was not bothered by the "wrong" thoughts in my head whenever I saw a boy/girl coulple walked by and thought both were "super cute". I had no problem with these thoughts while they were only in my head. But expressing them, openly, without using clues or cryptic hints? That wasn't so easy. I'll spare you all the typical "young adult novel" type of drama by simply stating this: Keeping my dirty little secret was hard, and I was afraid- not of what school kids would think- but what my friends and family would think. So I waited until eighth grade to "come out". When I finally did it, I was relieved and not at all embarassed or worried about what she would say. "She", being the girl I told about my so three-years-ago discovery. "She", also being the only openly bi person I knew of off-line. After that, I was so naive! I figured if people knew about my true identity, girls wouldn't be afraid to ask me out! That wasn't true, and to tell you the truth... Boys never liked me anyway. Why should girls? Being bi starting being a pain in my neck, and honestly at the time, I didn't know why. Of course, I know now. That's why I'm blogging it here. The reason why I was so peeved by mixed feelings, mixed love, and mixed reactions was because I wasn't willing to fully blend it all. This, my life, is a smoothie. You absolutlely cannot just stir the contents around, expecting that smooth texture you've grown to love. When you add a new fruit to your smoothie, you must blend it in completely with the rest. Otherwise, it becomes over-powering when you hit a chunk. Bisexualism was one such chunk. As soon as I admitted it, "it" was my whole life. I gradually learned to press that big puree button, and let the chunk fall into the blade at the bottom so it would find its place within the rest of the Berries of Life. I am now 14 years old. A high school freshman. And I am so enjoyng my smoothie. It's texture is without overwhelming flavor- most of the time. It's flavor is a compilation of the things and people I hold dearest to me- most of the time. This is my life, this is my smoothie. And I intend to slurp it up without hesitation!