Harsh reality
I really need to realize the reality of things.
When I write in a roleplay or one of my stories, or even when I read a story for that matter, I get sucked in deep. I start to think like the character, and wish I was them. Don't get me wrong, I love my wonderful imagination, but it paints hopeful pictures in my mind. Things I can't afford to think because of the fact that they'll never happen.
But when I come out of it I realize just how much I wish life were like that; where people have a meaning to what they're doing instead of aimlessly wandering around in the world with no purpose at all. That's like me; I have no purpose. I know, I shouldn't expect to know at my age, but honestly, I don't have much choice. The chances of me having the future I want as a musician are very slim, and if I don't make it, then what? I don't want a family. I don't want kids; I hate taking care of little kids. They irritate the crap out of me, sorry to say.
I almost find it painful to look at my own life anymore because I can see people around me having the life Iwanted and the one I'd do anything to have. I probably sound like a brat and you're probably thinking "well work for the life you want". You know what? I'd love that. I really would. But the things I want in life, money can't buy. I want friends at school. I want a guy to care for me as much as I care about him. I want to be able to have confidence in my future.
How can I be happy when the life I want is walking down the halls in the form of so many of my classmates? It's like one dog looking at a bunch of others dogs eating a steak. You can't do anything but wish it was you.
((Uh, well, this was a blah but somebody advised me to make it a blog 'cause of its length so... yeah, here it is.))
When I write in a roleplay or one of my stories, or even when I read a story for that matter, I get sucked in deep. I start to think like the character, and wish I was them. Don't get me wrong, I love my wonderful imagination, but it paints hopeful pictures in my mind. Things I can't afford to think because of the fact that they'll never happen.
But when I come out of it I realize just how much I wish life were like that; where people have a meaning to what they're doing instead of aimlessly wandering around in the world with no purpose at all. That's like me; I have no purpose. I know, I shouldn't expect to know at my age, but honestly, I don't have much choice. The chances of me having the future I want as a musician are very slim, and if I don't make it, then what? I don't want a family. I don't want kids; I hate taking care of little kids. They irritate the crap out of me, sorry to say.
I almost find it painful to look at my own life anymore because I can see people around me having the life Iwanted and the one I'd do anything to have. I probably sound like a brat and you're probably thinking "well work for the life you want". You know what? I'd love that. I really would. But the things I want in life, money can't buy. I want friends at school. I want a guy to care for me as much as I care about him. I want to be able to have confidence in my future.
How can I be happy when the life I want is walking down the halls in the form of so many of my classmates? It's like one dog looking at a bunch of others dogs eating a steak. You can't do anything but wish it was you.
((Uh, well, this was a blah but somebody advised me to make it a blog 'cause of its length so... yeah, here it is.))
=] thanks reject, that's exactly how I feel! I yeah, I've read Twilight. xD
In My Insanity, January 3rd, 2009 at 02:22:46pm
i know how you feel :(
especially about the book part.
i'm reading the twilight series...and i KNOW its dumb to wish i was Bella...but i really do. even though she goes through a lot of heartache and pain...she still has Edward, always and forever...i really want that. And she has Alice, Jasper, Emmet, Esme, and Carlisle. And they love her just as much as Charlie and Renee...haha this probably doesn't make sense at all if you haven't read Twilight..
bottom line...
fantasy world is so appealing...because in books, it all works out in the end. you just have to hope that your life will be the same way. Bella struggles when Edward leaves her in New Moon...but in the end things turn out alright (obviously cause there are two more books...lol)
sorry for my rambling :P
but don't worry. things will fall into place eventually.
suburban.zombie, January 3rd, 2009 at 12:40:33am
I find myslef doinf the same thing. I know how you feel.
Blarg!, January 1st, 2009 at 10:29:26pm