please comment this.

i'm a writer...and this is a bit of writing i spontaneously typed up. i'm not sure how good it is, i know i could do better. i didn't even edit or reread this. but i wanted to know some opinions on it. i would be super happy if you read this and commented =]




tears filled her bright blue eyes as she sank into her bed.
it felt like her heart was slowing, beating out of time erratically.

how did she get here? how did she let him take her heart after promising, no SWEARING she would keep it safe. her heart was battered and bruised, her past written on the surface, memories treasured and resented within.

she closed her eyes and saw his bright brown eyes, felt his hands on the back of her neck, his lips pressed tightly against hers and for second she thought he was right there once more...then she opened her eyes and the image and feelings were lost.

how could she be so stupid, how could she let him in.

she closed her eyes again, trying to prevent the tears from leaking through and falling down her face onto the sheets of her bed. she covered her face with her blanket only to throw it down to the ground. underneath the blanket she could feel him again, secretly holding her hand that first night, just waiting until the girl lying in the bed across from them fell asleep so he could steal her heart with that first kiss. even the blanket was too much.

it pained her to lie in the bed, so many memories. she thought through every second she was with him, her thoughts landing on the terrible night, the last one where she felt so alone. he was inches from her but the distance was too much, where were his comforting arms? at his side, away from her...

how could she be so stupid.

he seemed to be gone...but he always came back. it wasn't killing her that he was gone, it was killing her because he was back. two phone calls was all it took to set things into motion, to set her heart up to be broken again. he forgot about her two weeks ago...then on Christmas, he called. what happened to the man whom she figured was ignoring her...he calls on Christmas to say "Happy Christmas"...a weird way to put it, fitting his personality. then today. today he called because he "hasn't talked to her in awhile"...why? she wondered. he was ripping open her scarred heart, her emotions bled until her body felt broken and drained. just 8 minutes. she couldn't decide if they were 8 minutes of pure sadness or 8 minutes of complete horror knowing the second he hung up the phone she would do THIS. she'd fall apart.

it was stupid, really.

one man, one strange, strange man, disrupted her world. he vigorously forced his way into her life only to tear himself away. now he left her constant reminders, calling and acting like nothing had happened. it seemed normal except for something was missing their talk of how they wanted to be together.

his life was falling apart. his son screaming in the background when they were on the phone was a reminder that their lives were so different. that adorable blond two year old was the link to his past, his mistakes, his ex wife. she felt so young compared to him. just four years separated them but it felt like ten. not when they were alone, of course. only when he decided to dissect it, to find all the reasons to save himself from heartbreak.

she, on the other hand...she tried to find all the reasons to stay in his life. once he forced his way into hers, now she constantly tried to force herself into his.

he took her heart, and though she was stupid, she didn't want it back.

instead, her mission was to prove she wouldn't hurt him. she swore to herself she could never date a man with a kid. it would be weird, it would mean that she came second in his life, it would mean that there would always be the possibility he would go back to his ex wife. technically, but for some reason this felt RIGHT. like she was meant for his arms. his lips were meant to lock into hers. they were two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. she couldn't let him go. she knew the real reason behind the regression to friendship. he didn't want another complication in his life...and he didn't want to hurt her with his hectic lifestyle. she understood...but she HAD to show him that she would be his support system. she knew she loved him and it scared her. they weren't even dating and she only met him a month ago...yet he held her heart.

now she was broken once more, confused. what did it mean? his phone calls..they were confusing. especially today when he was with his son...usually when he is with his son he shuts her off, tells her there's no way to hang out or talk...but today he let her in. the tiny boy that he tried to hide was screaming "daddy!!!!!" in the background. and she giggled when he repeated "sit! sit! sit!" and his father said, "we're already sitting!" only to realize he was talking about his toy. it didn't bother her. it didn't make one bit of a difference to her...she was devoted.

she closed her eyes, hoping that she wouldn't feel his touch. she didn't. instead she imagined his smile. she imagined that his son was with him and she could officially meet him. she imagined falling in love with the little blond boy next to his dad. and suddenly she was beside them and it felt right. she opened her eyes one more time, she had to show him this is how it would be.

tears began to soak her pillow. she buried her face, imagining that she was suffocating, the way she felt on a daily basis. she got lighted headed so she raised her head and gasped for air.the air warmed her lungs, surrounded her heart with warmth and began to tended to the cuts. she said a little prayer...a prayer for her happiness, a prayer for his happiness, and a prayer that she could be the catalyst, the one to change his life from stressful to happy. she knew that he was her catalyst, only God knew if she was his.

the tears stopped and her eyelids sunk once again he was with her but this time it didn't bother her. she fell asleep, imagining her head on his chest.