Harmless Little Comments...

"Go fuck yourself."

"Go cut yourself."

"Damn, you're back? I'd hoped you died."

"Why don't you just kill yourself and do the world a favor?"

"Go cry emo kid!"

"Nobody wants you around."

"We all hate you; why are you still here?"

"Why do you have to be alive?"

"You're a waste of fucking space."

"You worthless, ungratefull, good-for-nothing little bitch!"

"It's not like anyone cares about you."

"You can't do anything."

"You're all alone."

"Just do us a favor and die already!"

Those are the things I hear every day. From my family. Mostly from people I don't even know or never even met. Sometimes even from people I once thought were my friends.

They say not to judge a book by its cover. They say to believe none of what you hear and half of what you read. They say that everyone matters.

Apparently I'm the exception.

I've been pushed down the stairs, punched in nearly every place imaginable, kicked, pushed off hte swings, pushed down the slide, pushed out of the bus, spit on, ostracized. I've had so many rumors started about me you'd spend an infinite number of lifetimes counting a fraction of it. I've been shoved out of my seat more times than you've said "the" and called worthless nearly every day of my life.

And when I go to tell someone about it?

"I can't do anything about it."

"It's not my problem."

"Just ignore it."

"It's just a harmless little comment."

"Maybe you shouldn't be so different then."

"Deal with it yourself; I'm busy."

I've only met one adult who's ever really done anything about it, and only one kid who's really cared.

And when I get a higher authority involved on the adults?

"I had no idea this was going on."

"She never told me."

"I had no idea it was happening at this magnetude."

"I thought it was nothing."

"She brought it upon herself."

How did I bring it upon myself if people I've never even met come up to me and abuse me for no reason?

If I try to retaliate I get in trouble. If I stand up for myself I'm the one who gets shit.

What did I do to deserve shit like this?

Ever since I was six years old this has been happening, and it's only gotten worse.

Every year.
Every month.
Every week.
Every day.
Every hour on the hour.
Every. Five. Fucking. Minutes.


I tried ignoring it. I tried involving adults. I tried talking it out. I tried violence and I tried peace. I tried diplomacy and war. I tried courage and fear. I tried stopping it and keeping it going. I tried a truce. I tried giving up in every sense of the word. I tried authorities and legal action. I tried evidence. I tried recordings. I. Tried. EVERYTHING.

I took the class where they tell you what to do when this happens.

Too bad there's no class for when none of that works.

What is a girl supposed to do?
Posted on February 8th, 2009 at 09:49pm

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