Step Devil
I can't take it anymore.
Being yelled at, threatened, insulted. Every fucking day it happens and I CAN'T TAKE IT.
I've been saying for the past ten years: It's either him or me.
My mom won't divorce him. I'm not allowed to kill him. I can't call the cops.
So what does that leave?
I could run away, but they'd find me.
I could call the cops, but if they do take him away I'll have nowhere to go.
I could live with my dad or grandma, but my mom won't let me leave.
So where does that leave me?
What other choice do I have?
He called my dad today to complain about God knows what. Calling me a bitch and saying he can't take it?
And when I tried to call my mom he ripped the phone out of my hand and said, "She's busy."
His son took my candy, so I said, "David, don't take other peoples' things. Give it back." And his son starts freaking out and crying and screaming. Then he comes in and flips out on me, screaming, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM? DAVID, WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE DO TO YOU?" and he said, "Sh-she tried to take this candy bar!" I told him it's mine and he had no right to take it and he starts flipping out on me and threatening to punch me in the face and put me in the hospital and stuff like that.
I can't fucking take this any more. What can I do? He's not a step dad, he's a step devil. If it's him or me and he won't go, what does that leave?
People always say there's a light at the end of every tunnel. But for the past ten years I've been stuck in this tunnel, and whenever I think I'm finally out a new one just begins. I can't stand another five years in this abysmal tunnel. I've wanted to die since I was six years old, three years into it.
Now I probably won't get Michael back today like I was supposed to.
I've tried and tried to find good, but every time I do he rips it away from me.
He takes my computer.
He bans my friends from the house.
He puts me under house arrest.
He lets his son trash my room and grounds me if it isn't clean.
He takes away the phone.
He takes my CDs.
He takes my iPod.
He's threatened to make me sleep in the shed, said he hopes I roll in dog crap, told me to go get lost in the woods, yelled at me for going to the bathroom.
He lets his son slam doors and blames it on me. He lets his son trash the house and blames it on me. He lets his son do everything and I get blamed.
He accuses me of things. He says I'm a stripper or a porn star. He says I touch myself. He says I pose naked in front of my webcam. He says I'm lying when I'm not. He says I don't do things I do. He says I do things I don't.
I'm never good enough. I can't take it anymore.
So this may be my one final blog. If there's no light at the end of this tunnel...
Then I'll just have to see where I go from there.
I want to keep going, but I might've run my race. I want to stay but going's inevitable.
But I will live to blog again. Nothing will stop me.
Though I might be blogging from a cell in Juvenile Hall.
But wherever this winding road takes me, wherever this tunnel ends, I know I can count on my friends.
And no matter how hard he tries, that's one thing he can never take away from me.
Being yelled at, threatened, insulted. Every fucking day it happens and I CAN'T TAKE IT.
I've been saying for the past ten years: It's either him or me.
My mom won't divorce him. I'm not allowed to kill him. I can't call the cops.
So what does that leave?
I could run away, but they'd find me.
I could call the cops, but if they do take him away I'll have nowhere to go.
I could live with my dad or grandma, but my mom won't let me leave.
So where does that leave me?
What other choice do I have?
He called my dad today to complain about God knows what. Calling me a bitch and saying he can't take it?
And when I tried to call my mom he ripped the phone out of my hand and said, "She's busy."
His son took my candy, so I said, "David, don't take other peoples' things. Give it back." And his son starts freaking out and crying and screaming. Then he comes in and flips out on me, screaming, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM? DAVID, WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE DO TO YOU?" and he said, "Sh-she tried to take this candy bar!" I told him it's mine and he had no right to take it and he starts flipping out on me and threatening to punch me in the face and put me in the hospital and stuff like that.
I can't fucking take this any more. What can I do? He's not a step dad, he's a step devil. If it's him or me and he won't go, what does that leave?
People always say there's a light at the end of every tunnel. But for the past ten years I've been stuck in this tunnel, and whenever I think I'm finally out a new one just begins. I can't stand another five years in this abysmal tunnel. I've wanted to die since I was six years old, three years into it.
Now I probably won't get Michael back today like I was supposed to.
I've tried and tried to find good, but every time I do he rips it away from me.
He takes my computer.
He bans my friends from the house.
He puts me under house arrest.
He lets his son trash my room and grounds me if it isn't clean.
He takes away the phone.
He takes my CDs.
He takes my iPod.
He's threatened to make me sleep in the shed, said he hopes I roll in dog crap, told me to go get lost in the woods, yelled at me for going to the bathroom.
He lets his son slam doors and blames it on me. He lets his son trash the house and blames it on me. He lets his son do everything and I get blamed.
He accuses me of things. He says I'm a stripper or a porn star. He says I touch myself. He says I pose naked in front of my webcam. He says I'm lying when I'm not. He says I don't do things I do. He says I do things I don't.
I'm never good enough. I can't take it anymore.
So this may be my one final blog. If there's no light at the end of this tunnel...
Then I'll just have to see where I go from there.
I want to keep going, but I might've run my race. I want to stay but going's inevitable.
But I will live to blog again. Nothing will stop me.
Though I might be blogging from a cell in Juvenile Hall.
But wherever this winding road takes me, wherever this tunnel ends, I know I can count on my friends.
And no matter how hard he tries, that's one thing he can never take away from me.
Yeah. What about that Ms Loyal person (You mentioned someone like that in a previous blog...) maybe she could help? There are alot of helplines too. They'll give you advice.
padfoot, February 16th, 2009 at 02:08:54pm
i'd call the cops or child services. go to an adult that you can trust and that will listen to you. tell them this and they; might do something. tell a teacher and ask them to help you. they just might. tell someone that has the balls and the heart to help you. go stay at a nearby friend's house until this problem can be solved. i really hope you can make it through this :( *hugs*
if your school has a guidance counselor talk to them and ask them to help you. i know it won't work but at least try whatever you can do.
CanYouFeelIt, February 16th, 2009 at 11:42:50am
This may not sound like the best idea, but if he said you're better off gone, why can't you leave?
If your mom questions it, tell her he told you to get.
If that doesn't work, call the cops, if he's the one paying for you guys' house, they can find you a temporary home.
captain america, February 15th, 2009 at 10:21:36am
I know what er going through when i lived with my parents the exact same thing happend to me my parents hit me thretened me an th list gose on. But don't give up it is always the darkest before the dawn an I know from expireance. Don't act out that only makes it worse I know I was dumb enogh to try I even got dumb enogh to bring beer to school how do you think that went over with them! :)
Meli!, February 14th, 2009 at 10:46:30pm
Familys can really suck can't they ? I mean, if you feel you're stuck there are helplines. You'll get through this <3
icegirl., February 14th, 2009 at 06:14:14pm
five years isnt that long. it seems like it, but....its really not. it'll pass and then you dont have to deal with it. just hold on tight, and dont think that what goes on for the next few years actually means something in the long run.
you'll have a lot longer to live how you want if you can just wait...
banquo, February 14th, 2009 at 04:01:28pm