silly boy.

I want to scream at you, and ask if I’m a burden to you. But I won’t because I’m too scared and I know you’ll say no because you’re insanely sweet at times, even when you fumble for words and make them come out wrong. But other times, it’s like you don’t care. It’s like I’m being led on by a friend. What the f*ck. Two months ago, I wouldn’t have thought that could even be possible. But I was obviously wrong. Then there are times when I feel selfish talking to you now. I feel like I’m tearing you away from her, like I’m taking away from the time you could be spending with the one person you say makes you feel loved. But when I do ignore the selfish feeling, and actually talk to you, the silences that dominate the conversation are just awkward and full of tension. That’s a far cry from the conversations we used to have, the ones where we’d never shut up. Or, if by some miracle we did, the silences were okay, because I knew you were there. Did you know that since meeting you I don’t talk as much to anyone? I don’t have to because I’m comfortable with myself now. I’ve always wanted to tell you that, but I’ve been to scared. Thank you, by the way. I also remember all the stupid things we laughed at. We were so immature, it was brilliant. I miss that. I miss you. I miss it a lot. But if you’re happy, then it makes up for it. I'll love you anyways.

[This blog makes absolutely no sense to you, unless you’re one of two people who actually know what it’s about. It’ll probably be deleted soon. Thank you for reading if you did.]
Posted on March 9th, 2009 at 11:18pm

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