oh. my problems! yay?
okay, another one of my problems. one of the blogs I wrote had to do with how much I loved this guy. And, hell, I do. I had a dream about him last night. My dream was where he and I got in an argument and I guess something he said really pissed me off, so I said "Fuck off. I fucking hate you, I can't stand how you fucking act, how you never so compassion. Don't ever fucking talk to me again, and get the fuck out of my sight. NOW." So he walked away, and he was walking down the street, and I called him, because apparently my reason for being angry with him wasn't legit. So I called him, and I kept getting his voicemail, so I gave up, stuck my phone back in my pocket. I had it on silent, so he called me a few times and I missed his calls. I called him back and told him that I had no reason to be mad at him because I figured out I was wrong (about what, I have no idea) and he needed to come back. So he came slowly strolling back, and I hugged him and told him I was sorry, and we celebrated something...
That didn't make too much sense to me either.
I got so angry with him for one thing he said. And I have no idea why. I sit here wondering, and trying to figure out things.
I have no real reason to be irritated with him, in my conscious. Apparently my subconscious found something. That is what makes me wonder.
Also. There's this guy I've been hanging out with, Nathan. He's a few years older than me, but surprisingly, he's not a sick horny college boy or anything. He doesn't frequent in drinking, he isn't a man whore. He has issues. Somehow I always befriend people that are a little messed up. His dad abused him (maybe even raped him?! >_<
and his mom was too scared to do anything about it. His girlfriends, and girls in general seemed to use him. He got thrown into situations and just sort of dealt with it in the wrong way... It's really interesting, his story.
I like him as a person. He's nice, and damn smart. His perspective on life is basically the EXACT opposite of mine. He's very optimistic. I'm very pessimistic. He thinks what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I think what doesn't kill you will most likely do so the second time around. He thinks that if he wants something, he's gonna bust his ass to get it (which is VERY logical. makes a lot of sense, and is realistic). I think that shit is just going to fall into place (stupid stupid stupid and completely unrealistic). He won't let people make him weaker, and he trusts too easily. I told him trust isn't something that should be thrown around like candy at a parade. People need to earn it. He sort of just justifies it in his own way, and then those people aren't who he thought, and they fuck him over. And it seems to be a vicious cycle.
He's tried to kill himself. So have I. He learned from it and said he'd never go back down to that sort of spot. I told him that I can't even get out of it. I'm stuck here.
We are on completely opposite scales, except for several things. He says "I've survived twenty years of hell, I might as well relax from here on out"
I definitely don't agree with him on that. I see it as it will probably just get worse and worse, make me weaker and weaker.
I've never thought someone could have this sort of great insight such as myself. He makes me laugh a lot, too. A guy (friend or whatever) that can make me laugh, in a healthy way, is a good guy. He makes me laugh. He pays attention to what I say. He's a good listener. I like good listeners.
My mind is confused again. I have this guy I love, and this guy that I can't get out of my head.
Stop it, please.
Nathan and my hands kept winding up together. fuck. what the fuck does that even mean?! I mean, I was trying to snatch his stupid gloves, but we sort of just gave up and we were tired, so our hands just stayed together...
fuck. fuck.
stop.
That didn't make too much sense to me either.
I got so angry with him for one thing he said. And I have no idea why. I sit here wondering, and trying to figure out things.
I have no real reason to be irritated with him, in my conscious. Apparently my subconscious found something. That is what makes me wonder.
Also. There's this guy I've been hanging out with, Nathan. He's a few years older than me, but surprisingly, he's not a sick horny college boy or anything. He doesn't frequent in drinking, he isn't a man whore. He has issues. Somehow I always befriend people that are a little messed up. His dad abused him (maybe even raped him?! >_<
and his mom was too scared to do anything about it. His girlfriends, and girls in general seemed to use him. He got thrown into situations and just sort of dealt with it in the wrong way... It's really interesting, his story.I like him as a person. He's nice, and damn smart. His perspective on life is basically the EXACT opposite of mine. He's very optimistic. I'm very pessimistic. He thinks what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I think what doesn't kill you will most likely do so the second time around. He thinks that if he wants something, he's gonna bust his ass to get it (which is VERY logical. makes a lot of sense, and is realistic). I think that shit is just going to fall into place (stupid stupid stupid and completely unrealistic). He won't let people make him weaker, and he trusts too easily. I told him trust isn't something that should be thrown around like candy at a parade. People need to earn it. He sort of just justifies it in his own way, and then those people aren't who he thought, and they fuck him over. And it seems to be a vicious cycle.
He's tried to kill himself. So have I. He learned from it and said he'd never go back down to that sort of spot. I told him that I can't even get out of it. I'm stuck here.
We are on completely opposite scales, except for several things. He says "I've survived twenty years of hell, I might as well relax from here on out"
I definitely don't agree with him on that. I see it as it will probably just get worse and worse, make me weaker and weaker.
I've never thought someone could have this sort of great insight such as myself. He makes me laugh a lot, too. A guy (friend or whatever) that can make me laugh, in a healthy way, is a good guy. He makes me laugh. He pays attention to what I say. He's a good listener. I like good listeners.
My mind is confused again. I have this guy I love, and this guy that I can't get out of my head.
Stop it, please.
Nathan and my hands kept winding up together. fuck. what the fuck does that even mean?! I mean, I was trying to snatch his stupid gloves, but we sort of just gave up and we were tired, so our hands just stayed together...
fuck. fuck.
stop.
