I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me...the shorter version
This is Ryan.
Big bright eyes...Blond hair (that is dyed! O.o)...Perfect body (amazing muscles under that Atreyu shirt..)...
He likes applesauce mixed with his mac and cheese. He likes applesauce on his chicken. He likes applesauce on pizza...He actually likes applesauce on pretty much EVERYTHING.
He likes sweet tea.
He has a dark blue Chevy truck...Its huge on the inside.
When he smiles he looks so very cute.
He plays Call of Duty 4 and Call of Duty World at War. I almost wrote CoD4 and CoDWW because I am so used to asking him if he is playing CoD...
His rank is 113 out of 5 MILLION CoD4 online players...How did he get that rank? He plays for sometimes 15 hours a day...And believe me, I've played with him, he's crazy good. But this is one of the reasons he thinks he has no life...He works, plays 360, and hangs out with me...thats pretty much it.
He told me the other day that his favorite places in the world are- the beach, dessert, forest, and with me.
He sometimes logs onto MSN and starts the convo with "Hey <3"...and he uses smiley faces A LOT.
He misspells EVERYTHING. He corrects himself...but sometimes he corrects himself wrong. I find it very cute.
One of his best friends died in 2007. He hung himself from a tree in his yard. To this day his MSN pm says "RIP Cody Laird I Miss You" and his name on Myspace is the same...He still hasn't talked to me about this but I know a lot from my room mate who went to school with both Cody and Ryan.
He works at KFC part time but has a degree in Criminal Justice. He rarely talks about this, but this is why he said he wants a full time job. He was going to get a full time job at Cedar Point with me this summer...but he lives with his mom and she said he needs to stay home and pay bills...I think her logic is dumb when he could pay them from Cedar Point where he will be working 70+hours a week, more than full time.
I told Ryan that I liked talking to him because he is funny, nice, likes to watch scary movies with me, and is really sweet. He sent a blushing smiley to me on msn and said that no one has said that to him before.
He has only asked one girl out, ever, "when he was little" as he put it. He said now he waits for the girl to ask him. He told me early on that he never ever makes the first move. He used to not even IM me or text me before I IMed or texted him. I finally got him out of that habit by saying I wouldn't talk to him if he didn't talk to me.
Its unbelievable how many picture comments on his myspace pictures say he's hot and he's cute and all these other compliments. He could have any girl he wants but he's too shy.
I asked him out Wednesday. He told me he had to think about things...he says he hasn't had a gf in years, so it would be weird, but he likes me and thinks i'm awesome...he would date but he has to think about things...he told me he feels like he is a failure because he wants to work full time instead of part time...he says he has no life...
Ryan is absolutely amazing. I have treated him badly lately, pushed him away thinking that maybe Chris would come back. I told Ryan not to come over recently because I wanted to hang out with Chris instead. I wish I could go back and treat him right, I wish I could make his decision simpler. I wish that he wouldn't have even hesitated when I asked him to date me, I wish he would have thought "even if i'm at a bad place in life Abbey will make things better"
I hate myself right now. I'm dying. I never deserved Ryan...He's so good looking, he's so nice, he actually treated me like a person not a thing...He is better than Chris will ever be yet I picked Chris because I was mad that Ryan liked some girl that he didnt' even end up with anyway. For months I've called Ryan stupid and said he didn't have a personality and acted like it would be a terrible thing to hang out with him...I wish I could go back and spend every second I could with him. I don't think there is anything else I can do now but wait until he says no. Of course I'm praying so hard that he says yes but I know the second I convince myself that he likes me like he says he does I'll be let down.
To make everything worse, Chris called me today. I wanted him out of my life so I made sure I haven't called him or even seen him in weeks. And I thought he was gone. I figured he was mad at me for a blog I wrote on myspace..But today he called. Wanting to play Magic because no one else was around. I wasn't even on campus. Instead of rushing back like I normally would have I just said I was home and couldn't play with him. He told me the baby was his...and I said thats cool. You know what he said? He said, "I don't know about that...its interesting, at least". How could you say that? He told me "I have a daughter"...and then said it wasn't cool, it was interesting. He doesn't even want her. I'm glad I'm not with him, he's heartless. He really must be if he thinks its ok to call me up whenever he's bored. That would be like calling up an ex whenever all your friends are gone. Its not like we mess around anymore...he just wanted to hang out. I hate him.
All I want right now is to be with Ryan. This very second I wish that I was in his arms...His gpa is sick, so he's been with him every day...I talked to him for a brief period of time yesterday...he said nothing about dating me...and I told him I couldn't find the words to say to him...and he said he didn't know what to say either. I wish things were different, not awkward...just normal. I haven't felt like this in a long time...I haven't wanted someone as much as I want him right now. He is the kind of guy that can be your best friend and your boyfriend and everything you need...I just wish he was mine...
Big bright eyes...Blond hair (that is dyed! O.o)...Perfect body (amazing muscles under that Atreyu shirt..)...
He likes applesauce mixed with his mac and cheese. He likes applesauce on his chicken. He likes applesauce on pizza...He actually likes applesauce on pretty much EVERYTHING.
He likes sweet tea.
He has a dark blue Chevy truck...Its huge on the inside.
When he smiles he looks so very cute.
He plays Call of Duty 4 and Call of Duty World at War. I almost wrote CoD4 and CoDWW because I am so used to asking him if he is playing CoD...
His rank is 113 out of 5 MILLION CoD4 online players...How did he get that rank? He plays for sometimes 15 hours a day...And believe me, I've played with him, he's crazy good. But this is one of the reasons he thinks he has no life...He works, plays 360, and hangs out with me...thats pretty much it.
He told me the other day that his favorite places in the world are- the beach, dessert, forest, and with me.
He sometimes logs onto MSN and starts the convo with "Hey <3"...and he uses smiley faces A LOT.
He misspells EVERYTHING. He corrects himself...but sometimes he corrects himself wrong. I find it very cute.
One of his best friends died in 2007. He hung himself from a tree in his yard. To this day his MSN pm says "RIP Cody Laird I Miss You" and his name on Myspace is the same...He still hasn't talked to me about this but I know a lot from my room mate who went to school with both Cody and Ryan.
He works at KFC part time but has a degree in Criminal Justice. He rarely talks about this, but this is why he said he wants a full time job. He was going to get a full time job at Cedar Point with me this summer...but he lives with his mom and she said he needs to stay home and pay bills...I think her logic is dumb when he could pay them from Cedar Point where he will be working 70+hours a week, more than full time.
I told Ryan that I liked talking to him because he is funny, nice, likes to watch scary movies with me, and is really sweet. He sent a blushing smiley to me on msn and said that no one has said that to him before.
He has only asked one girl out, ever, "when he was little" as he put it. He said now he waits for the girl to ask him. He told me early on that he never ever makes the first move. He used to not even IM me or text me before I IMed or texted him. I finally got him out of that habit by saying I wouldn't talk to him if he didn't talk to me.
Its unbelievable how many picture comments on his myspace pictures say he's hot and he's cute and all these other compliments. He could have any girl he wants but he's too shy.
I asked him out Wednesday. He told me he had to think about things...he says he hasn't had a gf in years, so it would be weird, but he likes me and thinks i'm awesome...he would date but he has to think about things...he told me he feels like he is a failure because he wants to work full time instead of part time...he says he has no life...
Ryan is absolutely amazing. I have treated him badly lately, pushed him away thinking that maybe Chris would come back. I told Ryan not to come over recently because I wanted to hang out with Chris instead. I wish I could go back and treat him right, I wish I could make his decision simpler. I wish that he wouldn't have even hesitated when I asked him to date me, I wish he would have thought "even if i'm at a bad place in life Abbey will make things better"
I hate myself right now. I'm dying. I never deserved Ryan...He's so good looking, he's so nice, he actually treated me like a person not a thing...He is better than Chris will ever be yet I picked Chris because I was mad that Ryan liked some girl that he didnt' even end up with anyway. For months I've called Ryan stupid and said he didn't have a personality and acted like it would be a terrible thing to hang out with him...I wish I could go back and spend every second I could with him. I don't think there is anything else I can do now but wait until he says no. Of course I'm praying so hard that he says yes but I know the second I convince myself that he likes me like he says he does I'll be let down.
To make everything worse, Chris called me today. I wanted him out of my life so I made sure I haven't called him or even seen him in weeks. And I thought he was gone. I figured he was mad at me for a blog I wrote on myspace..But today he called. Wanting to play Magic because no one else was around. I wasn't even on campus. Instead of rushing back like I normally would have I just said I was home and couldn't play with him. He told me the baby was his...and I said thats cool. You know what he said? He said, "I don't know about that...its interesting, at least". How could you say that? He told me "I have a daughter"...and then said it wasn't cool, it was interesting. He doesn't even want her. I'm glad I'm not with him, he's heartless. He really must be if he thinks its ok to call me up whenever he's bored. That would be like calling up an ex whenever all your friends are gone. Its not like we mess around anymore...he just wanted to hang out. I hate him.
All I want right now is to be with Ryan. This very second I wish that I was in his arms...His gpa is sick, so he's been with him every day...I talked to him for a brief period of time yesterday...he said nothing about dating me...and I told him I couldn't find the words to say to him...and he said he didn't know what to say either. I wish things were different, not awkward...just normal. I haven't felt like this in a long time...I haven't wanted someone as much as I want him right now. He is the kind of guy that can be your best friend and your boyfriend and everything you need...I just wish he was mine...
I feel so stupid reading this blog. I now know that Ryan is a liar and a douchebag and was playing me all along. Yet we are still friends. But this kind of craziness will never, EVER happen again. Gosh I am so naive and stupid...
suburban.zombie, November 7th, 2009 at 03:25:03am