tearin up my heart when i'm with you and when we are apart i feel it to and no matter what i do i feel the pain..with or without you
Tonight was heaven and hell all in one.
Ryan came over- good thing.
He brought his friend- bad thing.
I haven't seen Ryan since before I asked him out. Like three weeks ago. BTW, he hasn't given me an answer...
So it was great to see him regardless...but it would have been amazing if we were alone. At first I thought he was bringing his friend to prove that we werent' going to be more than friends. But then we were watching a movie and Ryan and I are on my bed, Zach is in a chair. Ryan is laying on the bed and I am sitting. He puts his arm across my legs and his head next to them. Then he proceeds to caress my legs (btw I was wearing a skirt) and then bite my legs (he has a thing with biting me, idk why...lol) and then kissing my legs! so i'm thinking...wtf. Guess he still likes me. But I also know that doesn't mean anything like he wants to date me, that just means he's still attracted to me. Anyways, he sits up and keeps his arm on my legs, still caressing them or whatever...really his arm ends up between my legs...at one point I thought he was going to put his HAND between my legs cause he had his fingers between my thighs and it was getting rather close...TMI I know...but then he put his arm around me and looks at me periodically to bite my face and stick his tongue in my mouth. And i'm not being sarcastic or vulgar or anything, he literally decided to stick his tongue in my mouth. We kissed a few times too. Oh and he bit my fingers and kissed them and put his hand up the back of my shirt. Pretty much he couldn't keep his hands off me. I of course did stuff back...like run my fingers along his awesome hip bone that sticks out cause he's skinny and run my hand across his amazing stomach which has muscles we like to call a six pack...lol. ughhh. anyway. Not the point. The point is, I don't know what to do. I want him more than anything. But I am afraid he's just using me. He has a girl named Mellisa on his top friends and I saw that he was texting her...I don't even have the privilege to be on his top friends. Oh and I wouldn't think a thing of it if she didn't appear there very recently. And the Macy bitch disappeared from there when she got a boyfriend...which leads me to believe he was with her at the same time that he was with me...and he said that he only talks to two girls, one of them being me. And that no girl has ever said the nice things I say to him. All I really did was call him sweet. Which he really is. But I'm starting to think he's not the person I thought he was and IDK what to do.
I keep wondering when I'll get a break. Ryan messed with me, then Chris really messed with me, and now Ryan is back and I don't know if he's playing me...
What do I do?
Theres always just staying single...but I want Ryan and I'm afraid that if I let him go he's gone for good this time. I dont' want that. Idk what to do...
Ryan came over- good thing.
He brought his friend- bad thing.
I haven't seen Ryan since before I asked him out. Like three weeks ago. BTW, he hasn't given me an answer...
So it was great to see him regardless...but it would have been amazing if we were alone. At first I thought he was bringing his friend to prove that we werent' going to be more than friends. But then we were watching a movie and Ryan and I are on my bed, Zach is in a chair. Ryan is laying on the bed and I am sitting. He puts his arm across my legs and his head next to them. Then he proceeds to caress my legs (btw I was wearing a skirt) and then bite my legs (he has a thing with biting me, idk why...lol) and then kissing my legs! so i'm thinking...wtf. Guess he still likes me. But I also know that doesn't mean anything like he wants to date me, that just means he's still attracted to me. Anyways, he sits up and keeps his arm on my legs, still caressing them or whatever...really his arm ends up between my legs...at one point I thought he was going to put his HAND between my legs cause he had his fingers between my thighs and it was getting rather close...TMI I know...but then he put his arm around me and looks at me periodically to bite my face and stick his tongue in my mouth. And i'm not being sarcastic or vulgar or anything, he literally decided to stick his tongue in my mouth. We kissed a few times too. Oh and he bit my fingers and kissed them and put his hand up the back of my shirt. Pretty much he couldn't keep his hands off me. I of course did stuff back...like run my fingers along his awesome hip bone that sticks out cause he's skinny and run my hand across his amazing stomach which has muscles we like to call a six pack...lol. ughhh. anyway. Not the point. The point is, I don't know what to do. I want him more than anything. But I am afraid he's just using me. He has a girl named Mellisa on his top friends and I saw that he was texting her...I don't even have the privilege to be on his top friends. Oh and I wouldn't think a thing of it if she didn't appear there very recently. And the Macy bitch disappeared from there when she got a boyfriend...which leads me to believe he was with her at the same time that he was with me...and he said that he only talks to two girls, one of them being me. And that no girl has ever said the nice things I say to him. All I really did was call him sweet. Which he really is. But I'm starting to think he's not the person I thought he was and IDK what to do.
I keep wondering when I'll get a break. Ryan messed with me, then Chris really messed with me, and now Ryan is back and I don't know if he's playing me...
What do I do?
Theres always just staying single...but I want Ryan and I'm afraid that if I let him go he's gone for good this time. I dont' want that. Idk what to do...
I've been single the entire year...
And I've liked this guy on and off since September...I feel like I finally have a chance with him, so I'm reluctant to let him go. I was trying to take a break from guys after Chris but then Ryan started this stuff and I've liked him for so long I decided to take the chance...
But idk. I am thinking of just giving up. I'm moving to a city 3 hours away for a few months starting in May. It is discouraging me from wanting to date him but at the same time I feel like if I don't do something about this now then my chance will be gone. A lot can change in 4 months. He was originally going to move with me...but decided not to because his mom wants him home to help pay bills.
My friend Dallas...well friend with benefits really...said the same thing, I need to take a break from guys and sort out my life. But he's all for messing around no strings attached...I'm really confused about life right now and I'm starting to fear that I will lose Ryan over the summer if we don't start dating now. I guess theres always more guys out there...but I just really like Ryan.
I am starting to hate college and college age guys. Maybe my problem is I always fall for the ones that are four or more years older than me. But I'm pretty positive guys my age are worse. Its hard for me to go without a guy because I had one for two years. Thats a super lame excuse but so true. I am pathetic.
suburban.zombie, March 25th, 2009 at 02:54:01pm
Why don't you try being single, for a while, less hassle.
Dr.Hymen, March 25th, 2009 at 12:37:48pm
I think you really need to take a break from guys for a while just until you get yourself sorted. If it doesn't feel right it isn't right.
You've been messed around with by a guy, then you want with another guy who is seriously coming onto you but at the same time is most likely only out for one thing. Like most guys. Even me.
I think you should tell them even if you are that your not interested. Your still hurting from the last guy so don't set yourself up with even more complications and heartache. You seem to fall for guys to easily and seem to trust them completely before really knowing what their game is.
schooldropout, March 25th, 2009 at 12:26:31pm