Positivity is Key.

Right, I've been doing some heavy thinking and I was writing earlier today and had an insane dream. So this is a combo of all that stuff so I apologize in advance if you don't understand it.

almost eighteen years of love, happiness, tears, frustration, sorrow, changing seasons.. the falling leaves from the skyline view.. the tingling feeling of the melted snow straight from pure flesh and blood.. the burning of the sun against a new life. a direct hit to the heart. the light from the moon is almost blinding. a few hours and you still can't see the pure shining light between your eyes and my veins. and she jumped at you.. surprised she left you?.. you saw the glistening chandelier fall and break apart like your heart just broke free of labor. you couldn't handle the work of art that she created. it's just you and me now. this pen and paper can't prove to you.. the winds can't push you.. they can't show you the road to pure integrity. and these walls can't hold your true smile, your true self image you portrayed all these years. are you feeling the gaze of my eyes, the gaze that just lingered in the air after so many tries?.. are you better now?..

breathe. don't spill your words. keep your head on straight. stay focused. nothing I could say to myself would even get me to listen. I forgot how to breathe, forgot how to blink, forgot how to think. all I could do was watch and listen to what he was saying. what the hell is going on with me? I would say over and over again in my mind. that went on for another few hours. I couldn't get that little voice in my head to shut up. part of me didn't want it to stop. I wanted it to tell me what I am feeling is what my heart is trying to tell me. actually, it was more like screaming. something please suck the oxygen from this planet. it's hard to be conscious right now. it was hard not to shake. it was even harder to look into those eyes that make me want to pull myself close enough to brake. you have no idea how much it is killing me knowing you are going to leave any minute. and it did. It felt like my heart stopped beating for a few minutes. you'll see him again. and I know I will, but not soon enough. every minute I couldn't sleep because I wanted to stay up all night thinking about him. I wanted to stay locked in his arms forever.

I couldn't say whether or not our love was real, true, or in need of apathy. all I can say is I felt something with you. I did better and trusted my self so much more around you. I believed in myself because you believed in me more in ten weeks than anyone has in my whole life. I will dream about you forever. the day you left is day I broke my tearless five year streak. feeling was something I had to learn to do again after you left. but I have found a happy place. somewhere my mind can wonder and I know it will come back. I've been able to say I'm positive for a year now. smiling is something I do everyday now.

Positivity is key.