Self Discovery - Worth the Wait?

For the past few months I've been facing some personal demons, ones I've never imagined. No, it has nothing to do with any common day conflicts, such as sexuality or boyfriend troubles. It's more than that. It's derived from the very roots of me.

I was born to a college student almost 17 years ago. I was given up for adoption right at birth, I was placed in the arms of my loving parents with whom I've lived with for all of these years just a few hours after I was born. We took a plane ride across the country some two weeks later, to the state I've lived in ever since. I grew up in a suburb of a city, have received a great education and have enjoyed my life.

Now, as a sophomore going on junior of high school, I'm about to start making some major decisions in my life. Deciding on college, choosing a career path and making an even bigger decision, one that could affect my life forever, deciding to find my biological mother.

For the past few years, questions regarding my adoption have plagued me. Questions such as...

Does she love me still?
Does she want to meet me?
Does she care?
What's her life like?
Did she marry him?
Etc.

I haven't found out any answers yet, nor will I until I turn 18. Instead of answers, all I've gotten is pieces of the story. These pieces were complete curve-balls if you ask me.
A) There's a question of Paternity... she's doesn't know, no one does... the answer's lying in my blood and in his blood.. who ever he is...
This sends shivers up and down my spine. I could never just walk up to two strange men and enter their lives saying, "Hi, I'm your daughter, or I think I am. Mind if we run a DNA test?" No, they'd think I was insane... I could never do that.. even if it were for genetic testing or medical history... never ever! But, part of me does want to know... who he is...where he is... etc.

B) Her parents might not know about me...
Oh god! I hope they do know, or at least by now. Because what if I decide to search and find her? What are we going to do? I can't imagine what they'd think, what position I'd be putting her in, what position I'd be putting me in, or them in. Talk about awkward...

That's all I know for now.. There's more, I know there's more.... there has to be. I know just some few facts, that's all. I just want to know more about me, more about the person I could become. And yes, time will reveal that, but this is a major decision I'm going to have to make one day. She could try to establish contact before me and then I might not be ready.. I don't know how it's going to work out, but all I know is that one day, I'm willing to try.

I know I'm not going to be ready at 18. I'm going to be heading off to college somewhere, making friends, choosing a career path and studying my brains out for years. I don't even know if I'll be ready when I'm 20! I think I'd rather be out of college with a degree first and then try to do that. I'm not doubting myself. I know at some point in my life I'll be ready and willing then more than ever to try.

I guess what my point is is that you never know the outcome of something unless you try. I could get my answers some day, I hope I do. I just have to try.