I've Finally Found It!
I've written a few blogs about religion. About how I just can't get into any religions and it's tearing me to shreds.
And now I write to you, the poor souls who actually read my blogs, to say: I've finally found it!
I'm typing this on Friday, which is our Sabbath day. Not Saturday or Sunday. Friday. This is also my first full day as a member of this religion.
See, I was reading this crackfic, and it mentioned the "FSM" (Flying Spaghetti Monster). And I thought to myself, "I've heard of that somewhere," so I Googled it. And I found out that I heard of it from South Park. I read all about the FSM on Wikipedia.
Now, I'd like to say: Rest assured that now, as I type this, I am wearing full Pirate regalia and (as an extra measure) listening to "We've Got Scurvy" by P!nk.
In case you haven't figured it out, I'm now a Pastafarian. Pastafarianism, FSMism, or Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, is a quickly-spreading religion that started as an alternative to ID. We have our own book (the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by Bobby Henderson), and our own set of rules (called the Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts by the FSM, the Commandments by Captain Mosey, and the Condiments by his pirate gang of short-order cooks). There were originally ten, but Captain Mosey dropped two on his way down the mountain, which can account for the Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards.
On the first day, the FSM created the universe and the world. The second day He created land, which had a beer volcano. He got drunk from it and the next day, hungover, created land again. So He made the first land heaven and added a Stripper Factory. Hell is the same thing, but the beer is stale and the strippers have STD's. Kinda like Vegas.
This is a religion that I can really get into. Pirates are His chosen people, who sailed the world passing out candy to kids, which eventually became Halloween. During the winter months, we celebrate Holiday. So whenever someone says "Happy Holidays," you'll know that they are really promoting Pastafarianism.
This is kind of hard to type with an eyepatch on, and I haven't finished the book yet (nearly done), so I can't really, y'know, explain all that well. Go to www.venganza.org for the whole thing, and www.bn.com to purchase the book.
What I can say, though, is that I am incredibly excited. I know that this is the religion for me. And even if it's not, I can take advantage of the amazing, "Try us for 30 days, and if you're not completely satisfied your old God will probably take you back" policy. Thank FSM for this wonderful, carbohydrate-based religion~!!
And now I write to you, the poor souls who actually read my blogs, to say: I've finally found it!
I'm typing this on Friday, which is our Sabbath day. Not Saturday or Sunday. Friday. This is also my first full day as a member of this religion.
See, I was reading this crackfic, and it mentioned the "FSM" (Flying Spaghetti Monster). And I thought to myself, "I've heard of that somewhere," so I Googled it. And I found out that I heard of it from South Park. I read all about the FSM on Wikipedia.
Now, I'd like to say: Rest assured that now, as I type this, I am wearing full Pirate regalia and (as an extra measure) listening to "We've Got Scurvy" by P!nk.
In case you haven't figured it out, I'm now a Pastafarian. Pastafarianism, FSMism, or Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, is a quickly-spreading religion that started as an alternative to ID. We have our own book (the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by Bobby Henderson), and our own set of rules (called the Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts by the FSM, the Commandments by Captain Mosey, and the Condiments by his pirate gang of short-order cooks). There were originally ten, but Captain Mosey dropped two on his way down the mountain, which can account for the Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards.
On the first day, the FSM created the universe and the world. The second day He created land, which had a beer volcano. He got drunk from it and the next day, hungover, created land again. So He made the first land heaven and added a Stripper Factory. Hell is the same thing, but the beer is stale and the strippers have STD's. Kinda like Vegas.
This is a religion that I can really get into. Pirates are His chosen people, who sailed the world passing out candy to kids, which eventually became Halloween. During the winter months, we celebrate Holiday. So whenever someone says "Happy Holidays," you'll know that they are really promoting Pastafarianism.
This is kind of hard to type with an eyepatch on, and I haven't finished the book yet (nearly done), so I can't really, y'know, explain all that well. Go to www.venganza.org for the whole thing, and www.bn.com to purchase the book.
What I can say, though, is that I am incredibly excited. I know that this is the religion for me. And even if it's not, I can take advantage of the amazing, "Try us for 30 days, and if you're not completely satisfied your old God will probably take you back" policy. Thank FSM for this wonderful, carbohydrate-based religion~!!
SKYLAR YOU ARE MY MATE OF SOULS. IF YOU PRESS "." WITH THE SHIFT KEY PRESSED IT DOES THIS >. [/caps abuse]
:D for srsly!! its like....there was a soul, and it got dropped and broke apart, and it was born and that was me, and then 3 years later they found the other piece and said 'what the hell' and then it was you!! we are like socks, me bucko!!
roffleroffleroffle. i found fsm when i was a freshie. -nod- shall ye be celebrating the 19th? haha. this is so cool. the book wasnt even out yet when i first converted. have it now though...thats so insanely cool. have you read about heaven yet? i love our heaven. speshly the strippers.
banquo, August 29th, 2009 at 02:11:05am
i did not read this i just wanna say THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
clark, August 24th, 2009 at 01:19:29pm
This is ridiculous. Have fun sounding like a retard when you try to explain this.
suburban.zombie, August 23rd, 2009 at 02:28:44am
Wow.
This sounds like a really interesting idea for a religion.
Enjoy the carbohydrate healthiness!
padfoot, August 22nd, 2009 at 09:52:00am