Am I Allowed to be Happy?

Yes i have a great boy friend, even though i don't get to talk to him much. School is ok but its not so bad. My friends are great. But just when im finally happy again my hurricane is back. She my ex and now my friend. Sure i still like her in a romantic way but hey she's my first love.

She broke up with me so i should hate her. But i put that aside and was friends with her. But then she starts acting cold towards me and i ask if she even wants to be my friend anymore. She tells me she doesnt have an awser after i tell her its a yes or no question. She's so confusing and she makes me cry while being angry. And yet i still dont hate her. She might very well hate me and i'd cry but i'd be okay with it. All the while this was going down in the chat rooms via whisper but she forgot to put it in whisper so everyone saw a few of the lines of her side of us arguing.

Of course no one knew what it was about but still. A friend of ours was in the rooms and asked me through whisper what was i doing that was making her upset. Everytime we're in a fight he will always be on her side. Even if i didnt do anything wrong its automatically my fault. I understnad she's going through a lot right now but really? I know he's known her longer as well but im tired of it.

I don't know what to do anymore I don't know how to act around her anymore and its tearing me apart. I just don't know how much longer i can do this. . .