Stab my back, its better when I bleed for you...
After all of that you think you can just come back.
After saying you hated me.
After asking me to never text you again, never talk to you again.
After ruining everything with me and Ryan just because of your drunken jealousy.
After wrecking my night last night, all because you wanted to come over when I had someone else there.
Because I was "pushing you aside" just because Ryan was there. Ryan, who you have never met. Ryan, who would definitely NOT enjoy your loud obnoxious company. Ryan, who you KNOW my past with and given my past with you, even if you were perfectly fine with it, you know I would be uncomfortable. Not to mention Ryan would be highly irritated, especially since you were drunk off your ass.
All of this because you wanted to play a damn video game. I'm starting to think its a bit deeper than that, though you will never admit it. You are mad because I rejected you. And this is proof that I have someone else. You know, I kind of f*cked up your world when your realized I wasn't the square little prude you always thought I was. You haven't stopped reeling since, have you? And this just set you off.
"Forget you, Abbey! F*ck you, don't ever talk to me again!"
You sound like a damn broken record. You do this to all of your friends. So now its a day later and I am asleep and I get a phone call from you. Surprise, surprise. You got bored, didn't you? You don't have anyone to go to at 4am because everyone else is asleep, everyone else doesn't bend to your every whim like I do. Everyone else doesn't adore you when they should hate you. No, they are smart, they just hate you.
I wish that I could show you my day. I wish you could see me cry my eyes out for you all day, talking one of your best friends for hours trying to get an answer, only to find you have been doing the same shit to her too. She said you'd come back. And you did.
I shouldn't have answered my phone. I knew it was you because a) Its 4am and no one else ever calls me at that time and b) I hear "Stab my back, its better when I bleed for you, walk on me, there never was enough to do. I can't get past her, falling faster, its true. It hasn't done a lot for you" (my ringtone, Stab My Back by AAR)
But I did answer the phone. Mostly because I was still half asleep and didn't know what was going on. But I would have anyway. I answer with an angry hello? and you start talking. I say I thought you were never talking to me again? And you say I'm not, but come let me in.
Stupidly I get up and let you in. I don't know why I let you hang out with me after all that. I didn't even talk to you the entire time. I focused on the game so I wouldn't yell at you and cry. You are the most abusive person I know, mentally and emotionally. I guess its my fault for letting you, but why do you do it? You know I care about you more than you care about me.
An hour later you decide its late (as if 4am was an ok time to come over to begin with) and you say you are going to bed. You hug me. I wanted to knee you so much. But I didn't. Then you made plans to come over tomorrow. What was I thinking?
I know what I was thinking. I was trying to figure out which was more important. My dignity and my feelings or you. I picked you.
You don't deserve me in your life. I love others more than anyone has ever loved me. I wish I knew how to stop. I don't know if you even love me at all. You love my video games. You love my MTG cards. You love my ramen noodles. But do you love me? If I told you I loved you, you wouldn't care. Or at least, you would act like it.
Thats all you ever do, act. The real you is hidden. You think you are cool going around and making girls feel like shit? Because hitting on girls with the intensity of borderline sexually harassment makes them feel like shit, not good. You think its cool to brag about how many girls you get? (when in reality I don't know where you have time for girls, you are hanging out with me all the damn time!) You think its cool to quote disgusting rap songs all the time, make weird and annoying noises, be super loud, and be mean to everyone, all the time? No.
The real you, the one that I love, thinks about things. The version of you I love has deep philosophical conversations with me at 3 in the morning. I am friends with the guy who smiles sweetly, sadly, and genuinely happy, not the ugly sneer you often wear. I am friends with the guy who's favorite movie is Garden State and who likes Christian music because everything else is just shitty. Its too bad everything else is what you listen to when you want to be cool, everything else is what you sing all the time to be rude and nasty.
You are so worried about being cool that you are losing who you are. And you are losing your best friends. Katie and I won't keep forgiving you forever. You broke my heart yesterday and today. And the worst part of all of this is you never said sorry.
After saying you hated me.
After asking me to never text you again, never talk to you again.
After ruining everything with me and Ryan just because of your drunken jealousy.
After wrecking my night last night, all because you wanted to come over when I had someone else there.
Because I was "pushing you aside" just because Ryan was there. Ryan, who you have never met. Ryan, who would definitely NOT enjoy your loud obnoxious company. Ryan, who you KNOW my past with and given my past with you, even if you were perfectly fine with it, you know I would be uncomfortable. Not to mention Ryan would be highly irritated, especially since you were drunk off your ass.
All of this because you wanted to play a damn video game. I'm starting to think its a bit deeper than that, though you will never admit it. You are mad because I rejected you. And this is proof that I have someone else. You know, I kind of f*cked up your world when your realized I wasn't the square little prude you always thought I was. You haven't stopped reeling since, have you? And this just set you off.
"Forget you, Abbey! F*ck you, don't ever talk to me again!"
You sound like a damn broken record. You do this to all of your friends. So now its a day later and I am asleep and I get a phone call from you. Surprise, surprise. You got bored, didn't you? You don't have anyone to go to at 4am because everyone else is asleep, everyone else doesn't bend to your every whim like I do. Everyone else doesn't adore you when they should hate you. No, they are smart, they just hate you.
I wish that I could show you my day. I wish you could see me cry my eyes out for you all day, talking one of your best friends for hours trying to get an answer, only to find you have been doing the same shit to her too. She said you'd come back. And you did.
I shouldn't have answered my phone. I knew it was you because a) Its 4am and no one else ever calls me at that time and b) I hear "Stab my back, its better when I bleed for you, walk on me, there never was enough to do. I can't get past her, falling faster, its true. It hasn't done a lot for you" (my ringtone, Stab My Back by AAR)
But I did answer the phone. Mostly because I was still half asleep and didn't know what was going on. But I would have anyway. I answer with an angry hello? and you start talking. I say I thought you were never talking to me again? And you say I'm not, but come let me in.
Stupidly I get up and let you in. I don't know why I let you hang out with me after all that. I didn't even talk to you the entire time. I focused on the game so I wouldn't yell at you and cry. You are the most abusive person I know, mentally and emotionally. I guess its my fault for letting you, but why do you do it? You know I care about you more than you care about me.
An hour later you decide its late (as if 4am was an ok time to come over to begin with) and you say you are going to bed. You hug me. I wanted to knee you so much. But I didn't. Then you made plans to come over tomorrow. What was I thinking?
I know what I was thinking. I was trying to figure out which was more important. My dignity and my feelings or you. I picked you.
You don't deserve me in your life. I love others more than anyone has ever loved me. I wish I knew how to stop. I don't know if you even love me at all. You love my video games. You love my MTG cards. You love my ramen noodles. But do you love me? If I told you I loved you, you wouldn't care. Or at least, you would act like it.
Thats all you ever do, act. The real you is hidden. You think you are cool going around and making girls feel like shit? Because hitting on girls with the intensity of borderline sexually harassment makes them feel like shit, not good. You think its cool to brag about how many girls you get? (when in reality I don't know where you have time for girls, you are hanging out with me all the damn time!) You think its cool to quote disgusting rap songs all the time, make weird and annoying noises, be super loud, and be mean to everyone, all the time? No.
The real you, the one that I love, thinks about things. The version of you I love has deep philosophical conversations with me at 3 in the morning. I am friends with the guy who smiles sweetly, sadly, and genuinely happy, not the ugly sneer you often wear. I am friends with the guy who's favorite movie is Garden State and who likes Christian music because everything else is just shitty. Its too bad everything else is what you listen to when you want to be cool, everything else is what you sing all the time to be rude and nasty.
You are so worried about being cool that you are losing who you are. And you are losing your best friends. Katie and I won't keep forgiving you forever. You broke my heart yesterday and today. And the worst part of all of this is you never said sorry.
