Sometimes.

My chest feels hollow and empty like I've somehow lost my heart. I'm cold, inside and out. My head weighs me down with thoughts and confusion. I feel trapped and lost. There's no one there. No one to come over and tell me it's going to be okay. To hold me until I cry myself to sleep. No friend, no other. It's just me. Sometimes it feels like that's all it'll ever be. But I always think there has to be something more out there for me. Where is it? What is it? All it's ever been is me dragging through the years. Sometimes I think I need help to feel happy. Sometimes I think I need help. I never let anyone know how I feel for fear of getting labeled, I never let anyone close enough to hurt me. Yet, somehow, they do. I hate ranting. I try my hardest to not complain, it rarely works. I annoy myself with self pity sometimes. I scold myself if I slightly think of my life as wrong. I hate it that I cry twice a month on the dot. Sometimes my anxiety disorder reaches new highs. Sometimes I think I'm going to pass out. I shake a lot now. I get dizzy more than I should. Sometimes I do pass out. Doctors don't care, why should I? I like to sleep, a lot. Sometimes I wish I could sleep all day. My mood swings are odd again. Sometimes I get so hyper everyone thinks I'm on something, then I crash within an hour. Sometimes I secretly wish I was on something. Sometimes I wish someone knew me, like I know them. I wish they would look at the world like I do. I wish they would observe and act. Sometimes I wish someone knew. Just sometimes.
Posted on November 27th, 2009 at 12:02am

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