I am extremely stressed
I've honestly never felt this stressed in my life. Maybe when my mom died, but sometimes I forget about how horrible that shit was.
I think I'm headed for an emotional break down.... And to be honest, I'm scared. I wake up every morning at six even though I don't have to be up until six thirty. No, that's not the worst of it. The worst would probably be the fact that I don't go to bed until one in the morning. Or that when I wake up, I feel like I'm going to puke and I feel like my chest is being crushed.
Why do I feel like this? Welll..... I think it's because my grades are shit. Because I'm scared that no decent colleges will accept me because of it. Because I KNOW I can do better, but for some dumb fucking reason, I don't. I know I sound a bit psycho with saying all this, but it's really true. Even right now, my chest feels tight and my legs hurt from being tensed up. My stomach feels sick but it also feels empty. So...
there's that. I need some serious help before I completely go insane. And I'm worried that I'm not far off. One of these days, it'll get better, right? Because I'm trying to try. My mind is fucked up in so many ways that I don't honestly know where to start. I think I'll start by going back to sleep, or at least trying to, since I stayed home from school today. Since it's not like I'd be able to focus anyway with the lack of sleep and all the body aches. Thinking of my body aching is making it hurt more. I am a vicious cycle of shit and I really am at a complete and utter loss for what to do anymore.
if you read this, you might be thinking that I need to suck this up. Well, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be sucking up. My mind is constantly distraught. I mean CONSTANTLY. I hate saying it, but the only thing keeping me somewhat sane during all of this is my boyfriend (Nathan). I know, I shouldn't rely on a guy to make me happy. I should be happy on my own. But I'm not! So do I still have to get degraded for being happy mainly because of my boyfriend?
I don't know anymore. I'm going to try and sleep. And most likely fail. Again. Great.
save me.
I think I'm headed for an emotional break down.... And to be honest, I'm scared. I wake up every morning at six even though I don't have to be up until six thirty. No, that's not the worst of it. The worst would probably be the fact that I don't go to bed until one in the morning. Or that when I wake up, I feel like I'm going to puke and I feel like my chest is being crushed.
Why do I feel like this? Welll..... I think it's because my grades are shit. Because I'm scared that no decent colleges will accept me because of it. Because I KNOW I can do better, but for some dumb fucking reason, I don't. I know I sound a bit psycho with saying all this, but it's really true. Even right now, my chest feels tight and my legs hurt from being tensed up. My stomach feels sick but it also feels empty. So...
there's that. I need some serious help before I completely go insane. And I'm worried that I'm not far off. One of these days, it'll get better, right? Because I'm trying to try. My mind is fucked up in so many ways that I don't honestly know where to start. I think I'll start by going back to sleep, or at least trying to, since I stayed home from school today. Since it's not like I'd be able to focus anyway with the lack of sleep and all the body aches. Thinking of my body aching is making it hurt more. I am a vicious cycle of shit and I really am at a complete and utter loss for what to do anymore.
if you read this, you might be thinking that I need to suck this up. Well, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be sucking up. My mind is constantly distraught. I mean CONSTANTLY. I hate saying it, but the only thing keeping me somewhat sane during all of this is my boyfriend (Nathan). I know, I shouldn't rely on a guy to make me happy. I should be happy on my own. But I'm not! So do I still have to get degraded for being happy mainly because of my boyfriend?
I don't know anymore. I'm going to try and sleep. And most likely fail. Again. Great.
save me.
Honestly, I felt like this for a good couple of months recently, and I know it sucks. It's like a physical pain in your chest, and you contanstly feel like everythings pushing down on your shoulders.
I know this seems like the worst piece of 'advice' ever, but it does get better. Take a deep breath and look at your life - What can you do to improve in school? Is everything okay at home, and can you talk to anyone there?
I felt sh*t cause of school and the fact that I couldn't get a job, and I felt so useless. Then I was so overwhelmed from starting uni that it all started to get too much, so I just took it as it came. I have a temp job now, and I've met an amazing friend in uni who has lit up my life.
This is long winded and quite possibly pointless, but I hope it helps. <3
Magnus, December 7th, 2009 at 07:00:29pm