How the hell am I supposed to not fail if I never get taught?

It is so frustrating being ignored constantly by the teacher you actually admire and want to work for.

It's like I have to do something stupid that involves me getting hurt or breaking something to get noticed.

And I'm not learning anything in this class. All I ever do is listen to the other students yell things out, scream, misbehave while the teacher cracks jokes and tells them to be quiet.


I know, I should be happy. No working, no ultra-strict teachers, no homework, no learning.

Wrong
Wrong
Wrong
Wrong

It's fine for the first ten minutes of a lesson- but then you start to realise everything is in this huge loop and it is a struggle to actually be recognised. I'm already having trouble in this subject- how the heck am I supposed to get better if we never bloody work? I actually would like to work on this subject. It matters to me. And I hold my teacher in the highest regard too. I never get an answer when I put up my hand to ask a question, I never get any praise for actually BEHAVING for once. Never learn. At all.


The things that get me some needed attention are:
Complaining of a headache
Looking sick
Yelling out (barely, though)
Snapping pencils
Falling over

Yeah... not really the best way to show a teacher you have potential. More like it makes them think you are insane.


Sorry for ranting about this, I've just had a very bad day.
I actually burst into tears on the way home, much to my embarressment. You see, it was school picture day. One of the most hated days in the year in my book, only fourth to Valentine's Day, Vaccination Day (which is on Monday.. EEK! Needles!) and Cross Country Day (tomorrow, yuck yuck!).
So I started the day by feeling alright about my appearance, especially my hair (it was kinda wavy and thick- my fabourite style)
First thing to happen- three people came up to my randomly and said my hair looked messy.
Not that bad, but still pretty damaging to my self-esteem.
Then I start the day's lesson- with a stupid geography assement! I hate geography! What purpose does it have in my life anyway? I'm not going to be a person who writes textbooks on maps!
I only managed to finish one quater before the lesson ended. So guess who has to stay in tomorrow lunchtime?
Grr....
Later, I got in strife in maths (I absolutely detest my maths teacher- he's such a crabby bastard!) because I lost my thing that my parents were meant to sign about my test results.
What is the point? None of my other teachers do that! Trust my worse subject to make my life difficult.
Luckily we got called out for photos halfway between my lecture (in front of the whole class, I ask you!).

I joined my homeroom down at the basketball court- and I get into a row with another girl. She insulted me for having gay cousins. She was insensitive enough to ask if they were gay with each other. So I walked away.

We got called up for photos, and being one of the tall ones I had to stand right on the top bencch, which was high enough off the ground to make me nervous. I went up there and tripped. I fell off, landing on the grass.

And what did my class do? What did the teacher do? Did they rush to my aid? Ask me if I was okay?


No. They laughed as I struggled to my feet.

But to crown all this off was the last lesson of the day- music. We didn't learn anything as usual. I know I'm behind in this subject, not coming from a very musical ex-school. I actually need a little help. But everytime I ask, someone says something stupid and the teacher ignores me as usual. Which is a shame, because I actually respect that teacher. I've defended him countless times in the playground (the other people are mean and cruel about him because he might be gay. Assholes).
By this time I'm on the verge of tears. I really don't understand, I'm asking for help.
I get asked finally.

The teacher laughs and asks me not to be silly.



I walked out. And kept walking.




A detention, of course.






































Sorry... just having a bad day...