"I'm the son of Rage and Love, The jesus of suburbia"

I love how jesus of suburbia always seems to be the sound track to my life. How when I listen to it I always think that it couldnt have been writen about anyone elses life but my own, but the realization that it wasnt is always what makes me feel like I'm not alone. Just knowing that atleast one dude seems to understand, thats usually what gets me through life.

I've been a suburban misfit all my life. I'm the kid that hides out in her room with my cigarettes and Mt Dew and has jesus of suburbia blaring from the speakers. So loud that it seems to drown out the entire world but most importantly, it drowns out my own thoughts. I'm the kid that does nothing but day dream about a life other then the one I've always known. This is my life.

"And theres nothing wrong with me, this is how I'm suppost to be, in the land of make believe that dont believe in me" This lyric is one of the ones that hits me the hardest everytime I listen to it. If you've ever been made to believe you're worthless and will never amount to nothing by people (including you're own family) just because of you're beliefs, clothing style, or life style, you understand why that is.

Theres a certain way this song expresses pain and emotion that is so completely apathetic that its just blaintly obvious that the person singing it, Billie Joe, has been through it all before too. That he knows every ounce of emotion that you are feeling while you listen to it. That feeling of complete understanding and none judgement is why this song is what it is. Every lyric sung is not just heard, but its felt.

"The motto was just a lie, it says "home is where you're heart is" but what a shame, cause everyones heart doesnt beat the same, we're beating out of time." In my life, truer words have never been spoken. My family and I couldnt be anymore different. Which is a severe problem in their eyes. I'm not and have never been the person they want me to be. I've never wanted to be who they are. For this, they dislike me greatly. I've always tried to pay no attention to that fact. But sometimes it does get me down. I've had my bags packed more times then I can even remember, but it always ends up the same way. I always end up feeling too guilty, my brother ran away when I was younger and I know how bad that hurts, to have a member of you're own family leave without saying goodbye and never hearing from them again. Him doing that is what put my family where it is today, broken. No matter how bad I want to leave, even though its their fault just like it was before, I just dont know if I could do what he did to them. One day I'll probably do it. But thats really in their own hands.

Somewhere buried inside all the lyrics that make up jesus of suburbia is who I am. Every ounce of pain, everytime I've felt insucure, everytime I've hated myself because other people thought I should, everytime I've ever felt like no one understood, this song is what helps me get through it all every single day.


"I dont feel any shame, I wont apologize"

Posted on August 7th, 2010 at 04:11pm

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