The sweet insensitivity of this still life...

It doesn't matter how much someone tells you that you are their only, they love you with all their heart, they'd never ever hurt you...in the end they can still rip you apart.

I love him more than life itself. I would die for him. I would protect him with my life, I'd marry him, I'd have his children, I have given him all of my self plus some. And no matter what, I would always tell him the God honest truth.

He said he'd always tell me the truth.

But he didn't. He lied, and lied, and lied. And I blindly trusted. I gave up everything for him. I moved in with him, I share every aspect of my life with him, I help pay the bills. And he lied anyway.

So why can't I let him go? Why can't I leave? Why do I still love him so much it hurts? I can barely breathe, I am in pain. But it would hurt so much worse if I walked away. I am just weak, pathetic.

I want to believe him, I want to believe that he only actually did half the things she said he did. I want to believe that she was never here, that he never slept with her. But how? My heart is telling me not to leave the only person who makes you happy, but my head is telling me I'm a stupid immature little girl who can't think about what is best for me.

How is life without him better? I can't think of one good thing that would come of leaving him.

I just want to die. How can someone who loves you cheat on you? How can someone who takes care of you and stands by your side and loves you like you are the only one he could have love again...how could that person lie and cheat and tear me up so bad I can't think, I can't see through my tears, I can't escape this feeling.

It is scary how deeply love and hate are intertwined, how much you can hate someone you love and how much you can love someone you hate.

I just wish I were gone, disappeared. What is there to live for if your life is a lie.
Posted on August 27th, 2010 at 10:01pm

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