something about friends makes me feel great
For the longest time I've been quite "friendless." I spend all my time with my boyfriend and tend to regret it, looking back, because I've lost some of my friends this way. they think I had better things to do then hang out with them, though it's completely wrong. since he's really my only real friend.
So, anyway.
Now I have another friend I hang out with that is a GUY, holy shit. And that's all well and good. I like having friends, regardless of their gender. But I think my mind gets too confused, having a guy friend. You know, there doesn't have to be anything wrong with it, but for some reason, there is. Because my mind is glad to FINALLY have a friend, so I'm not being so naggy with my boyfriend (we'll call him N). So with N, I like spending time with him, etc, but there are times when i get so miserably bored waiting for N to get off work, to get back from school, whatever it may be. And it's pathetic. So I can't just keep sitting around wishing and pissing my life away with waiting.
So when T (that's the guy friend) would always talk to me, I decided him and I should hang out, we share intellect as well as musical taste, and I figured we might as well. Like I said, better than waiting and waiting my life away.
So we've been hanging out basically every available moment we have. And I don't see why it should pose a problem to N and my relationship. T is a nice guy, smart, funny, and enjoyable to be around. I guess with N it's sort of turned way too routine for me. I care about N, don't get me wrong, but since hanging out with T is starting to become more regular, I feel as though I'm in the wrong here.
But how can I be? I've made a friend that I really enjoy being around. Just because he is a guy doesn't mean it has to have all the petty crap about I'm gonna cheat (because like I've said, I wouldn't. I'd first cut my legs off) or why the fuck am I spending so much time with another guy? I feel really guilty. I like spending time with T. I really do. I've known T longer than I've known Nathan, it's not like I just met him. (but our friendship has been strictly text, except for when I saw him at school, but not anymore since he's a grade lower than me). It's almost becoming more enjoyable than it has with N.
So... yeah, ok. Maybe I'm a little hypocritical with all this.
I think I'm just horribly confused right now. But I don't really want to lose a friend over it.
And I want to understand why it's confusing. I was told by my sister that I need to make up my mind, or figure something out. I have things figured out in my head. but I think they're all the wrong ideas/decisions. Ergh. Sorry if this didn't make any sense. I'm really sleep deprived and confused. Hopefully I can figure this stupid crap out. Unfortunately, it's not the first time it's happened. but I don't want to fuck something up like I did last time..
So, anyway.
Now I have another friend I hang out with that is a GUY, holy shit. And that's all well and good. I like having friends, regardless of their gender. But I think my mind gets too confused, having a guy friend. You know, there doesn't have to be anything wrong with it, but for some reason, there is. Because my mind is glad to FINALLY have a friend, so I'm not being so naggy with my boyfriend (we'll call him N). So with N, I like spending time with him, etc, but there are times when i get so miserably bored waiting for N to get off work, to get back from school, whatever it may be. And it's pathetic. So I can't just keep sitting around wishing and pissing my life away with waiting.
So when T (that's the guy friend) would always talk to me, I decided him and I should hang out, we share intellect as well as musical taste, and I figured we might as well. Like I said, better than waiting and waiting my life away.
So we've been hanging out basically every available moment we have. And I don't see why it should pose a problem to N and my relationship. T is a nice guy, smart, funny, and enjoyable to be around. I guess with N it's sort of turned way too routine for me. I care about N, don't get me wrong, but since hanging out with T is starting to become more regular, I feel as though I'm in the wrong here.
But how can I be? I've made a friend that I really enjoy being around. Just because he is a guy doesn't mean it has to have all the petty crap about I'm gonna cheat (because like I've said, I wouldn't. I'd first cut my legs off) or why the fuck am I spending so much time with another guy? I feel really guilty. I like spending time with T. I really do. I've known T longer than I've known Nathan, it's not like I just met him. (but our friendship has been strictly text, except for when I saw him at school, but not anymore since he's a grade lower than me). It's almost becoming more enjoyable than it has with N.
So... yeah, ok. Maybe I'm a little hypocritical with all this.
I think I'm just horribly confused right now. But I don't really want to lose a friend over it.
And I want to understand why it's confusing. I was told by my sister that I need to make up my mind, or figure something out. I have things figured out in my head. but I think they're all the wrong ideas/decisions. Ergh. Sorry if this didn't make any sense. I'm really sleep deprived and confused. Hopefully I can figure this stupid crap out. Unfortunately, it's not the first time it's happened. but I don't want to fuck something up like I did last time..
Hey,
In the blog you mention N name ones, just wanted to point that out :?
Generaly speaking woman feel that cheating is more of an emotional thing then only a Fysical thing. By that i mean that most woman would be more botherd biy there partner having an emotional relationship with an other woman then something only fysical. (both is terrible but still ...)
Maby that is why you feel guilty :dno: because your emotional bond with T.
But on the other hand i still think tthat there shouldn't be a difference between what gender your friends are N should just have accepted that.
how are you otherwise?
jessay, December 5th, 2010 at 07:19:49pm
well, I guess either way I will lose SOMETHING. because N is probably growing bothered by me always hanging out with T
but hanging out with T is just more enjoyable than with N, lately. Cuz N and I just do the same ol, same ol. and not that N is stupid, but he doesn't really have much to say.
Ah, i feel like a bad person.
Tahm York, November 1st, 2010 at 06:13:56pm
If you don't plan to "do" anything with T, even if you want to [and I'm not saying you do, just making a general statement. But if you don't have any intention of cheating on N, and you haven't done anything, you have no reason to feel bad. Even if you decide that you'd rather be with T than N, as long as you go about things in the right order there's nothing wrong.
I mean, just...Idk. You shouldn't have to lose a friend.
banquo, November 1st, 2010 at 12:46:32pm