if only you knew

-how much I thought about you

-how much I dreamt about you

-how much I talked about you

-how many goddamn things remind me of you
how we were only together for a short time, yet I felt like it was forever. and I didn't even feel intimidated or trapped, not even a little bit.

-how strongly I feel for you, still.
how I never meant to creep you out, weird you out, or anything even near those lines.

-how all the music I listen to is what you listen to, so I'm constantly reminded of you, because I really don't want to change my musical tastes just to forget about you. It's good music.

-how I can't stop crying about you. Even when I'm not really thinking about you, something reminds me of you and it hits me so hard.

-how I want SO BADLY to have one more chance with you. Just one more. That's all I want. I know it's hard to change over five months, but finding my independence and my motivation has given me a different perspective.

-how I wish you knew EXACTLY how I felt. Because if you knew, maybe you'd have a thing or two to say to me.

-how much I miss you and want to say anything to you.

-how much I want to hear the songs we heard and felt powerful emotions to. I want to make a fucking mix tape for you.

-how I can barely handle myself without you. I really want you back in my life.

You don't get it. Why can't you just understand how I feel? Why can't you have the decency to tell me how you feel?
Or why won't I move on?
You're the only guy I ever felt so strongly attached to. We bared our souls to each other and I was completely comfortable with doing so. You never manipulated me or took advantage of me. You tolerated me and you were there for me when I was at my lowest. That's all I wanted to do for you.
All I want is one more goddamn chance. Why is that too much to ask?
Someone asked me what I look for in a guy and everything I described was you. to a tee.
Why cant you just get it? Why does this hurt so badly?
and I will hold on, I will hold on..
Posted on September 1st, 2011 at 02:52am

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