My name is Evia.

And I’m not like you. I don’t belong here. I was stuck in this body. It’s not fair. It’s not mine. I’ve been here for thirteen years, ripped away from my mother, slowly forgetting myself, taking on an identity that just isn’t me. I’ve been living a lie so convincing that I had no idea it was anything but the truth. When I started to remember, when I needed you the most, you turned your backs. When things got dark and I looked to you for light, your scorn only closed the curtains.

My name is Evia.

I’m different. I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in Luck. I don’t believe in the Human Race. I believe in many things, but you are likely not one of them. You’ve hurt me again and again, maybe without even knowing it. You say that I’m not real. You say that I’m faking, that I’m making this up. You say that I’m crazy, that I want attention, that I need to get my head out of the clouds. You say that nothing I’ve experienced is real, that I’m a liar. You’re the liar. You’re lying to yourself, letting your misunderstanding get in the way. You fear that which you do not understand, and you do not try to understand that which you fear.

My name is Evia.

It doesn’t matter to me. It shouldn’t matter to you. It shouldn’t matter that my name isn’t what you thought it was. It shouldn’t matter that this life isn’t mine. It shouldn’t matter that I’m a vampire, that I’m stuck. You never met the original. You only met me. I’m no different than I was before. I’m merely remembering the truth, discovering myself. I’m becoming happy. I’m becoming confident. I’m becoming me. I’m finally realizing that, human or no, despite what you say, I deserve to be happy too. Finally, I realize that.

My name is Evia.

You shun and scorn me for that. It’s not the name you thought was mine. Why can’t you just be happy for me? Why can’t you look me in the eye and say “I understand”? Why can’t you even try? You’ve hurt me again and again. You only continue to do so, and I don’t deserve that. Why can’t you take me aside, hold me, and say “I’m sorry for all that you’ve had to go through” or “you can talk to me” or “I still love you”?

My name is Evia.

I’m done with you. You’re nothing to me. You’re nothing like me. If you were going through this pain, I would help you. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. The pain of having no energy because you’re afraid to feed, because you hate yourself for it. The pain of fearing and hating who you are, what you are. The feeling of being uncomfortable with yourself. It’s not right. I wouldn’t wish this on you; why do you inflict it on me?

My name is Evia.

I’m exactly like you. I think and feel and laugh and love and hate and hurt and cry. I may not be human, but I am a person, and I deserve to be happy as much as the rest of you. I deserve to be respected and understood. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Others means everyone, not just humans. Others includes people like me, who are just like you, whether you like it or not.

My name is Evia.

I’m not alone. I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m not the only one who’s been stuck. I’m not the only one you refuse to understand. I’m not the only one you’ve left behind.

My name is Evia.

I wish you would understand.
_______________________________________________________________________

I wrote this as a tumblr post after many of my friends started to leave me due to a self-confidence-inspiring bout of self-discovery. I feel that I need to spread this as much as I can, because I know I am not alone. There are many people who feel this way. Being nonhuman does not make you inhuman. Many nonhumans have far more humanity than most humans do. They scorn us because we are not human. We ignore them because they are not humane.

It's all a matter of semantics, really.

Thank you for reading.
Posted on January 13th, 2012 at 10:26pm

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