Joey

AuthorMessage
Pickle
Geek
Pickle
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 461

Mibba
April 9th, 2006 at 06:11pm
What's the link to your story and what is it about, plot-wise?
Schuschnigg
Geek
Schuschnigg
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 483
April 9th, 2006 at 07:43pm
its a great story, im hooked to it and i got my friend into it too
rollerpig
GSBitch
rollerpig
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 62283
April 12th, 2006 at 01:36pm
It's really addicting x)
Woodrow Derenberger
Moderator
Woodrow Derenberger
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 63353

Blog
April 12th, 2006 at 01:55pm
I read it sometimes. Its pretty good
Bexxual
Idiot
Bexxual
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 545
April 13th, 2006 at 05:10am
Pickle:
What's the link to your story and what is it about, plot-wise?



Here is a link for you. link to Joey

And the plot is just basically, living the life of Joey and any troubles he may face as teenager and how he copes with them.
Pickle
Geek
Pickle
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 461

Mibba
April 13th, 2006 at 12:39pm
I just read the first few chapters.

Your writing style is rather loose and needs to be tightened up a bit, but that will come with time. Your centralized plot isn't as developed as it should be.... but that will also come with experience and time. You're young and may not yet be equipt with the knowledge of higher writing, but you will.

You're obvioulsy English from some of the phrases you use. I like it. I like the diversity of the fans and fans' imaginations.

I am enjoying it so far. It is a different slant on fanfiction stories in this genre. Some facts are wrong, but I'm not a real big stickler for those so it doesn't bother me, per-say.

I'm telling you this here in case I forget to review you and you would probably notice it more here than there anyway.

I hope you continue and grow in your experience because you have a strong foundation so far. Good job.
Pickle
Geek
Pickle
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 461

Mibba
April 13th, 2006 at 12:40pm
DruggedUpSheep:
Pickle:
What's the link to your story and what is it about, plot-wise?



Here is a link for you. link to Joey

And the plot is just basically, living the life of Joey and any troubles he may face as teenager and how he copes with them.



Thank you very much. I just found it on my own, but I appreciate you telling me all the same.
LAL
Geek
LAL
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 217
April 14th, 2006 at 08:32am
Your story rocks write more!!! Very Happy
Pickle
Geek
Pickle
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 461

Mibba
April 15th, 2006 at 04:29pm
Okay, I just finished reading the rest of it and I have to say.... you jump from drama to drama in every chapter and you don't really tie them together as well as they could be nor do you explian them as much as they need. Also, really get in tap with your characters and what they would think or do and maybe not so much as what would be the perfect, ideal situation.

Drama is great, but you have to know how much is enough and detailing really makes it work best.

Also, I noticed this as I was reading through. You are using a very tricky POV. It is difficult to use first person POV and stick with it. You are doing a fair to moderatly well job with it, with is so much better than what most people do with it.

However, your keeping in Joey's head, which is the point, but don't forget to show external happenings like the doorbell ringing or the fog created by the steam of the shower. It may seem mundane, but those really make your story more believeable and visual as compared to Joey just being like 'Crap, there's fug on the mirror.'

I hope my comments help and I hope to see more from you.

~Pickle
rollerpig
GSBitch
rollerpig
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 62283
April 27th, 2006 at 08:34am
The new part is hilarious and way too short. xD
Sara.
This Board Is My Home
Sara.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 31155
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:59am
I Love That Story! It's My Favorite EVER! Your A Very Good Author
rollerpig
GSBitch
rollerpig
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 62283
May 25th, 2006 at 06:58am
Please write more !!!
Bexxual
Idiot
Bexxual
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 545
July 26th, 2006 at 05:44pm
I am going to be writing quite a few more parts to my story in the next two weeks because I only have 2 weeks of internet but I will get in as many parts as I can. Hopefully all of my readers haven't forgotten about it!
Bexxual
Idiot
Bexxual
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 545
October 24th, 2006 at 11:58am
A new part will be up in I'd say a maximum of three weeks, I am getting a new computer and the internet back.

~Rebecca
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