Haphazard Mistakes

AuthorMessage
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921

Mibba
June 21st, 2006 at 01:14pm
[x]Dead-Stale-Endings[x]:
Her icy glare grants permission to start the war of good
Her dreams are shattered, as the horse takes another step
The usual flow of her muddled brain was stemmed by the freeze
Her last decision peformed an act, like never before
Frayed musings complete the course, jagged and serrated
Good and evil were separated at birth, but combine as one

His commands seem to disappear into thin air, as he shouts
Lonely and scared, the only way to go on is to fight her
The slums part as his stallion strides through, until he spots her
Just a glimpse can set him off in haphazard tears
Guns shoot, arrows fly and vicious tongues gear up for meaningless gossip
When he comes around, her face will shine triumphantly towards him

Their fantasies seem destroyed and redundant replies take over them,
Their abandoned methods lie on the dirty floor, misunderstood and dirty
Age doesn't matter, the gap between them doesn't need to be filled
The years of chronic headaches, and cliché heartaches seem worth it
The world stops in their pace, have they really united as one?
Helping each other seems the reward they deserve in this life


The two bolded parts were redundant. The "her"s would have been fine if they had not ended consecutive lines.

But. Besides that, completely amazing job. You should be proud. Awesome. Very Happy
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
June 21st, 2006 at 01:40pm
I really liked this one Very Happy

Hardcore Panda!!1 is right, you really should be proud.
Ol' Blue Eyes.
King For A Couple Of Days
Ol' Blue Eyes.
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 4816

Mibba
June 21st, 2006 at 07:04pm
Be proud, love. This is FANTASTIC.
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