I'm awful with titles.

Darkness, wrapping itself around me,
Like a putrid vine.
Twisting, torturing.
It tightens its grip.
Blood spills from my heart and my eyes.

Darkness,
Seeping through my skin,
Deep into my veins.
Poisoning my body,
With incurable sickness, self-hate and shame.

Darkness swallowing me whole.
Talking control.
Slowly weaving my thoughts into a noose.
It leaves me hanging.
Bloody and cold.

***

*sighs* Yes, that's all. Feedback or criticism is appriciated...

*sigh*

I'm no good at criticism, you know that. I truly think your poem is great. I like the choice of words and it flowed pretty well; it was really dark.

You know I think you're a phenomenal poet. Keep at it.

Thank you, Fizzle

Anybody else wanna tell me what they think? .____.

my favorite stanza is the second one, because I think it is just great!

the rest is really good though too.

I like it.

I'm a big fan of dark poetry. :]

Sorry, I'm a terrible critic.

Three Cheers for Tyranny:

I like it.

I'm a big fan of dark poetry. :]

Sorry, I'm a terrible critic.

Unfortunately you have to give some kind of feedback. It’s a rule

So, no one else has anything to say? Any suggestions for a title? :]

I'm not too keen on this but all the same, in the same heartbeat I love this (leave us alone, we're schizophernic...haha)

Some tiny insignificant alterations :-

Darkness- wraps itself around me-
like a vicious vine.
Twisting; torturing;
It tightens its grip.
Blood spills from my heart
and my eyes.

Nihilism.
It seeps through my sullen skin,
Slowly into my veins.
It poisons my mind,
With incurable sickness, self-hatred and
Shame.

Fear, swallowing me whole.
It's gaining, taking control.
Slowly, it weaves my thoughts
Into a thick, scratchy noose. It leaves me
Hanging- forever
Bloody and cold.


But really....awesome awesome awesome work. My alternations are merely suggestions ^^;
Oooh and I think the title "Thorn amongst roses" would be cool.

Dark and beautiful...

I love it, Jaime.

I really do.

Darkness swallowing me whole.
Talking control.
Slowly weaving my thoughts into a noose.
It leaves me hanging.
Bloody and cold.

Excellent. Give your self a big chocolate chip cookie because you deserve it.

I thought it was very good. You used good adjectives and it didn't rhyme. There are a LOT of poems that rhyme and it's nice to see one that does. (Not saying a rhyming poem is horrible. They're not.)

So yes, I second the big chocolate chip cookie idea. ^_^

I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!:

I thought it was very good. You used good adjectives and it didn't rhyme. There are a LOT of poems that rhyme and it's nice to see one that does. (Not saying a rhyming poem is horrible. They're not.)

So yes, I second the big chocolate chip cookie idea. ^_^

TCD [Strong Survivor]:

Dark and beautiful...

I love it, Jaime.

I really do.

Aw, thank you darlin' ^__^

Winter Wonderland.:

I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!:

I thought it was very good. You used good adjectives and it didn't rhyme. There are a LOT of poems that rhyme and it's nice to see one that does. (Not saying a rhyming poem is horrible. They're not.)

So yes, I second the big chocolate chip cookie idea. ^_^

Thanks to both of you

Slash? Hell yes!(YSD):

Winter Wonderland.:

I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!:

I thought it was very good. You used good adjectives and it didn't rhyme. There are a LOT of poems that rhyme and it's nice to see one that does. (Not saying a rhyming poem is horrible. They're not.)

So yes, I second the big chocolate chip cookie idea. ^_^

Thanks to both of you

Aww, you're welcome.

Quote

Blood spills from my heart and my eyes

A bit cliché looking.
A pretty decent poem, though.

Slash? Hell yes!(YSD):

TCD [Strong Survivor]:

Dark and beautiful...

I love it, Jaime.

I really do.

Aw, thank you darlin' ^__^

Ha cha.

you're always a good writer. =]

Joan of Arc of Suburbia:

I'm not too keen on this but all the same, in the same heartbeat I love this (leave us alone, we're schizophernic...haha)

Some tiny insignificant alterations :-

Darkness- wraps itself around me-
like a vicious vine.
Twisting; torturing;
It tightens its grip.
Blood spills from my heart
and my eyes.

Nihilism.
It seeps through my sullen skin,
Slowly into my veins.
It poisons my mind,
With incurable sickness, self-hatred and
Shame.

Fear, swallowing me whole.
It's gaining, taking control.
Slowly, it weaves my thoughts
Into a thick, scratchy noose. It leaves me
Hanging- forever
Bloody and cold.


But really....awesome awesome awesome work. My alternations are merely suggestions ^^;
Oooh and I think the title "Thorn amongst roses" would be cool.

Thanks for the suggestions ^_^

Jamie-Jo that is the most... you know... deepest, most twisted (in a good way note) I've ever read...
I loved it...
I can relate to it in a way... awesome poem! Keep it up and rock on!!!

MJ:

Jamie-Jo that is the most... you know... deepest, most twisted (in a good way note) I've ever read...
I loved it...
I can relate to it in a way... awesome poem! Keep it up and rock on!!!

Aw, thanks hun