Nightmares.

AuthorMessage
[Broken Pretty]
Idiot
[Broken Pretty]
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 572
December 25th, 2006 at 08:34am
i need to be alone.
don't you see this?
i feel like im screaming forever inside
when the house is in silence.

bitten nails and smudge mascara,
is this the result of the loneliness i
recieved during the night.

how is it i compare this to the ligt outside my window?
sunglasses on and sore body all i can wonder
about is the type of dreams i had
last night.

for sure it must have been a nightmare.
all i remember is.
I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!
Jackass
I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1019

Mibba
December 25th, 2006 at 02:57pm
The ending confused me a bit. But, that could've been your point. And another spelling mistake. Lol. "Light." Sorry, that stuff bugs me.

I liked it quite a bit. Especially...

[Broken Pretty]:
bitten nails and smudge mascara,
is this the result of the loneliness i
recieved during the night.


Of yes, and "received." Hehe.
Misanthropist
Post Whore
Misanthropist
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 23279
December 25th, 2006 at 04:05pm
The third stanza seemed a bit random, the mention of sunglasses didn't work really. Also, the ending through me off a bit, it makes it seem like it will continue but it doesn't.

This is your 7th poem today
Quote
#7 Do not post more than three poems at the same time/day.


you might want to check out Rules

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The tips can help anyone out, because everyone can stand to improve.
Deernt.
Rotting On Here
Deernt.
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 48258

Mibba Blog
December 25th, 2006 at 07:45pm
[Broken Pretty]:
i need to be alone.
don't you see this?
i feel like im screaming forever inside
when the house is in silence.

bitten nails and smudge mascara,
is this the result of the loneliness i
recieved during the night.

how is it i compare this to the ligt outside my window?
sunglasses on and sore body all i can wonder
about is the type of dreams i had
last night.

for sure it must have been a nightmare.
all i remember is.


The poem itself was ok. You need to work on several things such as capitalization, grammar usage, punctuation, and just the steady flow of poetry. There were many grammatical errors and they made your poem hard for me to read.
However, the content of the poem has some potential. So if you decide to feed upon some of my advice, it may get a little better.
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