Skewed Mind

Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
Deernt. Rotting On Here Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 48258	April 8th, 2007 at 07:35pm I wrote this last night but didn't want to break a forum rule by posting too many poems at once. Enjoy my loves. <3 Skewed Mind Genius at brilliance Impudent towards mannerisms. Arrogance to self success. Melancholy over succumbed death. No thought before action. No words spoken before emotions. Speech drifts away in an abstract sense. More body language detestation. Tick tock of the cranium. Bombs erupting in your mind. Metronomes are swaying. A concrete mobile perpetuating in your cerebrum. Meditation of the soul Reek of the bad spirit. So once again the mind that was once skewed can rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.
Kurtni Admin Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 34289	April 8th, 2007 at 09:24pm [Genius at brilliance Impudent towards mannerisms. Arrogance to self success. Melancholy over succumbed death. succumed and success sound very nice together there, very poetic. No thought before action. No words spoken before emotions. I like how it's sort of transitioning through the phases of how humans function. We Think, we act, we speak and feel. Then when you say "no thought before action" it relates back to the title well. Speech drifts away in an abstract sense. More body language detestation. Tick tock of the cranium. Bombs erupting in your mind. AWESOME metaphor Metronomes are swaying. A concrete mobile perpetuating in your cerebrum. The last line throws your flow off a little bit. the repeated "ing" ending does sort of have a beat to it though. Meditation of the soul Reek of the bad spirit. So once again the mind that was once skewed can rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. Nice ending. Great poem!
Deernt. Rotting On Here Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 48258	April 8th, 2007 at 09:31pm Thank you so much Courtney. You don't know how much that means to me. The third stanza lacks a good flow but I know what you mean.
Jesse Lacey Post Whore Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 23946	April 8th, 2007 at 09:45pm That's v. good. Usually, I have to tell people ways to improve but not with this. I adore it.
Deernt. Rotting On Here Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 48258	April 8th, 2007 at 09:50pm TAKiNGBACKSUNDAY.: That's v. good. Usually, I have to tell people ways to improve but not with this. I adore it. Aww thanks sweetie. XD <33
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD Falling In Love With The Board Age: 87 Gender: Female Posts: 5844	April 8th, 2007 at 10:41pm I liked it. =] I have one complaint, though. Meditation of the soul Reek of the bad spirit. So once again the mind that was once skewed can rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. Don't get me wrong... I loved this. But something about Reek of the bad spirit sorta interrupts the poem. Mostly the word "bad". Might you consider rephrasing that somehow? I think the reason for that was, was that you used so many larger words, that sticking a smaller word in there sorta throws you off, when you're expecting something more.... Well... fully developed. But great job anyways! TCD likes!
Deernt. Rotting On Here Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 48258	April 9th, 2007 at 12:40am Dancing.Underwear.: I liked it. =] I have one complaint, though. Meditation of the soul Reek of the bad spirit. So once again the mind that was once skewed can rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. Don't get me wrong... I loved this. But something about Reek of the bad spirit sorta interrupts the poem. Mostly the word "bad". Might you consider rephrasing that somehow? I think the reason for that was, was that you used so many larger words, that sticking a smaller word in there sorta throws you off, when you're expecting something more.... Well... fully developed. But great job anyways! TCD likes! Thank you very much hun! Ah, I see your point. I could simply change it to "Reek of the malevolent spirit" XD
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD Falling In Love With The Board Age: 87 Gender: Female Posts: 5844	April 9th, 2007 at 01:00am Dr. House.: Thank you very much hun! Ah, I see your point. I could simply change it to "Reek of the malevolent spirit" XD Oooh... Yes, that works MUCH better. And you're most welcome.

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