Wish

You and me
Creep out in the dark
No one will see us
No one will hear us

You And Me
We'll hold hands
You'll be in my arms
I'll be in yours


We'll watch the stars
Shining brightly at night
We'll make a wish


I'll Wish that this would never end
Us- together forever
Without a word. I'll silently wish.

What will you wish for?
What will you pray?
Together forever?

After we wish
We'll hold hands again
We'll walk back home.

To the place where we belong
But the place I call hell
And the place you call home

And before I lay my head
I'll make another wish
That you'll be safe from anything

But wishes don't always come true
I saw you with her
Holding hands

Together.You and her were there
Where I can't believe you would go
To her heart

I gave you my heart
So is this what you wished for?
To be out of my hands and into hers

So I'll be here crying
While you are lying
And I am dying

I'm dying inside
This is not what I wished for
This is not what I prayed

You can be with her
I don't care


Who Am I kidding
I Love You

You Were My Wish

Criticizm Welcomed!

i think that it is good plus its heartfelt. But it became somewhat bland when you said "dying" twice. You should have chosen synonymes(sp?), not the same word twice. Tough part of being a writer But on the whole i found it very enjoyable. The rhyming was good.

wow. I didn't realize I did that =/
Thank you so much!

no, its alright I think i exaggerated abit when i said it was bland, it just really grabs the attention. you're very welcome. I still think its pretty damn good

I didn't think it had any substance.

..its good.....

is that a good thing???

and thanks everyone

yea its really good....it had a slight twist...i did suspect the edning (sortof) its very nice,.......the way it seems like a really nice, heart warming poem, until it turns into this nightmare.....i mean...i like tradgeidies, not your suffering.......o forget it i dont even understand what im saying! lol
but yea the poem was great!

thanks!