Destination_Unknown
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 105 | May 18th, 2007 at 05:38pm You pull me close; you lift me up, high into the sky
I see rivers go by
On the edge of town, we land on a rooftop
The building next boor, you pull me up top
We watch the comets shoot and fly
Oh, please don't let me cry
Oh, please don't say goodbye
Then, I just see you walk away
You never came back the next day
This is how I found out that your love was a lie
I gave you my heart
But you tore it apart
To help the pain I bear
My friends were there
We had a bond but you ripped my heart |
La Tua Cantante
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
  | May 18th, 2007 at 08:18pm its good......i hope you mean door not boor lol
o and the third stanza is a diffrent rhyme pattern it goes aabba not aabbc......its ok though, just look out for that.....
but just a question (not meant to be mean but...) where the hell did this come from, did jake break up with you or something? |
Destination_Unknown
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 105 | May 18th, 2007 at 09:36pm no. its for english |
La Tua Cantante
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
| May 18th, 2007 at 09:37pm oooooook................................................................interesting....... |
PONED
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 257 | May 20th, 2007 at 11:51am yeah you are getting much better.
Still, you have to be careful of the rhyming rhythym. It is still kinda forced.
And it is s bit cliche. You need to put some more feeling into it.
Other than that, congrats, You're improving a lot!!!!!
 |
XPitOfDespairX
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 52
| June 3rd, 2007 at 07:40pm yea i see what they mean by the rhyming pattern
but yea it will be fine
just work on the pattern
youll get a good grade i bet! XP |
