Rotten Idiot
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 671
 | June 18th, 2006 at 07:17pm Wooo new song! It's called "Real Pain Only Comes From Dreaming". And it's here. Let me know what you think!
So I'm finding an excuse to represent myself
In a way I don't think you'll ignore
Because it's come to my attention that we're stuck again
In the state of mind we fell in before
And the things you used to swear upon
Have now suffered the loss of meaning
And I've tried to tell you, but it came out wrong
That real pain only comes from dreaming.
So we'll wait to exploit our differences again
And to make the most of nothing
But when it appears that nothing's what it seems
We'll fall back on trusting the coin-toss
(chorus)
So time will go by
And tensions will run high
But there seems to be no solution
And you cannot deny
That the only reply
Is that there's some point to confusion
The facts make a point to contradict themselves
And the truths won't make themselves clear
So we'll wait for the chance to grab on to the lies
Because that's all I want to hear
But make no mistakes, I'm enjoying this world
Which is lucky seeing as I'm stuck here
But i need to redeem what I've left behind
Which is nowhere close to near
So we'll wait to exploit our differences again
And to make the most of nothing
But when it appears that nothing's what it seems
We'll fall back on trusting the coin-toss
(chorus) |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921
| June 18th, 2006 at 09:21pm So I'm finding an excuse to represent myself
In a way I don't think you'll ignore
Because it's come to my attention that we're stuck again
In the state of mind we fell in before
And the things you used to swear upon
Have now suffered the loss of meaning
And I've tried to tell you, but it came out wrong
That real pain only comes from dreaming.
There were some flow issues in here, mostly with the fourth line. I like the idea of this a lot and the wording is nice.
So we'll wait to exploit our differences again
And to make the most of nothing
But when it appears that nothing's what it seems
We'll fall back on trusting the coin-toss
I love the coin-toss analogy type thing. It was awesome.
(chorus)
So time will go by
And tensions will run high
But there seems to be no solution
And you cannot deny
That the only reply
Is that there's some point to confusion
Nice rhyme added in here. Not forced.
The facts make a point to contradict themselves
And the truths won't make themselves clear
So we'll wait for the chance to grab on to the lies
Because that's all I want to hear
But make no mistakes, I'm enjoying this world
Which is lucky seeing as I'm stuck here
But i need to redeem what I've left behind
Which is nowhere close to near
I can see how this would make a great addition to a song. Awesome.
So we'll wait to exploit our differences again
And to make the most of nothing
But when it appears that nothing's what it seems
We'll fall back on trusting the coin-toss
Here's that coin toss again. <3
Overall:  I like it very much. |
Rotten Idiot
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 671
 | June 18th, 2006 at 09:55pm Wow. Thank you very much for all that. I agree that the flow needs some work, but thanks so much for helping me! I'm glad you like it! |
Inari King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2538 | June 19th, 2006 at 02:23am Really cool.
I love all of your work. |
r e v e n g e Geek
 Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 234 | June 19th, 2006 at 02:49am shoit thats good. |
Kid_Gates Geek
 Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 289 | June 19th, 2006 at 02:59am awesomness!!!!!!!! |
Ol' Blue Eyes. King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 4816
| June 19th, 2006 at 09:15am Coin-toss.  |
Rotten Idiot
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 671
 | June 19th, 2006 at 12:47pm Thanks to all of you! I love you guys-you're always so encouraging. |
snowcherry King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 3912 | June 19th, 2006 at 01:27pm I love your ava.... by the way.
But I love the song as well.
Awsome.
Love it, love it. |
Rotten Idiot
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 671
 | June 19th, 2006 at 02:11pm thankses! |