Trapped Angels Were Always Crafted To Flee

Honey, that's beautiful.
I love:
Neutral and full of breathless sighs, she counts cobwebs to pass time
That line is just incredible.

wow! beautiful and amazing

I have to say, that's a lot better, because it actually makes sense, but the topic was cliché.
This line especially:
"Her mascara bleeds down her ashen face as he paces"

But I appreciate your effort, I'm glad you didn't give up and tried to fix it.
Also, thanks for the dedication.

Her mascara bleeds down her ashen face as he paces,
Her ideas of escape seem to be shattered tonight
Cracked hands and split lips seem to apply to her in some horrific way
Tired yet determined she carries on, until he falters
His condemned personality had a hold of her rueful heart
Interesting begining. The bleeding mascara part is an overused metaphor, but you complimented it with "her ashen face" good job.


Fear of her life seemed to take over her once divine tenure
Mirthful was she, but evil had taken over and settled in
Her eyes shine in the white land that is home
And it registered that she might not survive this woebegone scene
The pressure seemed too much, as she lets a tear drip down her pallid face
The flow was all over the place in that Stanza.


Neutral and full of breathless sighs, she counts cobwebs to pass time

Oh, I love the language used in that line, it really conveys the point.

But it doesn't seem to mask the pang, when he walks by menacingly
Anguish and inaccurate blunders mix together to make a concoction,
That may give her enough strength to fight back without a slight lapse
Her distress progressed to pure rage, and he suddenly lets down his guard
Oh, a twist in the plot, nice.

A door is being thrown open, ready for her to run out and face the world
She manages a smirk, which seems to represent her relief
Maybe he was searching for her, with no postitive results
She didn't care, as the world stopped and stared at her with admiration
I like the Mild Alliteration of the S
Breathing and sighing, she stares back- freedom was at her clutches

No longer was she a servant to an ungrateful 'master', no more
Her tatty uniform lay on the worn pavement, ripped and ugly
Tears of joy ran down her colourful face, letting out a laugh
Stranger's applauded her, inside her sloppy head
I don't think Sloppy was the word to use there, other than that wow

Had he destroyed her mind as well as her future?

Powerful questions always add to a poem, nice.

The voices told her to go back, to reveal him to the public
She refused and refused until the arguement bored her
Maybe she was meant to go back?
Or was she just running into the arms of another disaster? Confused and dishevelled, concerned and delighted was he

The bolded part was awesome.

The doors greeted her and immediately opened for her
The ghosts of her troubled past also regarded her in a unpleasant way
Her heart beat faster than usual, and her feet seemed to have a life
I would have ended the poem there...
Messages from her parents descended and revolved around her,
'Never ever regret what you did, but he'll hurt you. Go, start a new life'
Those lines didn't fit with the vocabulary of the rest of the poem, especially the last one.Overall, this is a great poem, probably the Best I'v seen you write yet

Ella:

I have to say, that's a lot better, because it actually makes sense, but the topic was cliché.
This line especially:
"Her mascara bleeds down her ashen face as he paces"

-nods-

Though it's good.

[x]Poetic Disaster[x]:

Ella:

I have to say, that's a lot better, because it actually makes sense, but the topic was cliché.
This line especially:
"Her mascara bleeds down her ashen face as he paces"

But I appreciate your effort, I'm glad you didn't give up and tried to fix it.
Also, thanks for the dedication.

cliché? Sorry, didn't mean it to be.

I just thought you deserved the dedication.

I know you didn't. And it's okay, don't worry about it. The improvement is enormous anyhow.

Wow, awsome job on that one.

Very nice improvement. This time I understood it. Great job!

So love it.

<3

You always write such good stuff, sunshine.

'Her mascara bleeds down her ashen face'
and
'Neutral and full of breathless sighs, she counts cobwebs to pass time' had to be my favourite lines. It was beautiful, touching, and really kind of scary is some way. I love it