Ol' Blue Eyes.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 4816
 | July 20th, 2006 at 06:53pm Idfk. I'm in a bad mood, and I wanted to write a poem. I'll be honest, not my best at all. Please be brutally honest and specific.
Our clothes lie crumpled on the bedroom floor
My shirt neon against the white rug,
Your jeans oversized and wrinkled.
Sneakers discarded, battered and careworn.
We lie together in the summer heat
Our limbs tangling together amid the white sheets.
You press your lips against mine,
And capture each little gasp I make.
We don't lay together afterwards
I don't get to hear your heartbeat.
You're already scrambling into your clothes
Already a million miles away from me.
My heart breaks quietly, and I refuse to let you see my tears.
The only thing I want is to find a way
To keep you here.
The only thing that hurts more than your silence
Is those little moments when you pull me close
And your fingers slid across my skin
And you tell me you love me more than anything.
Those are the moments when I look up into your eyes
I know you're lying.
But I just don't care. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| July 20th, 2006 at 06:56pm Wow, I really do like that one, bad mood or not.
We lie together in the summer heat
Our limbs tangling together amid the white sheets.
A bit repetitive there. Even if it was intended, it didn't feel right. |
Ol' Blue Eyes.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 4816
| July 20th, 2006 at 06:58pm Hardcore Panda!!1:Wow, I really do like that one, bad mood or not.
We lie together in the summer heat
Our limbs tangling together amid the white sheets.
A bit repetitive there. Even if it was intended, it didn't feel right.
Yeah. If I do anything else with this poem, I'll delete the second together. |
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538 | July 21st, 2006 at 05:14am That's really sad
but it's really good.
Really really good. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | July 21st, 2006 at 06:17am Gorgeous  I loved the first verse, hooked me from the start. |
Ol' Blue Eyes.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 4816
| July 21st, 2006 at 12:43pm Aww thanks you guys.
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