Some really old poems that I want some opinions on.
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| lyrical_mess Falling In Love With The Board  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 5278   | I'd like to think that I've grown. As a writer, I mean. Forfeit Call my name Call my name While you feel no shame Leading me on Like this is a game Listen dude Don't play with me I'm not in the mood For what you're saying to me Your touch is burning It leaves a scar My heart came close But you went so far And I don't see I don't see Why you did this to me If you don't love me Then let me be You act so nice Like the passion is heat. But you feel nothing When our lips meet So I want you to know I want you to know My damn heart just keeps breaking So let me go. Unspoken I promised myself I wouldn't cry But promises are meant to be broken Maybe I'd live a better lie, If just for once I had spoken I think not of the wounds And I hold my head high So why do I feel So unclean? Why do I toss and turn in the night Hoping that this life Is a dream? Whatever's left to say Has all been said But not out loud Not to myself Or perhaps it was And I didn't listen Hoping it wasn't real That if I just kept it out It would stay untrue And the truth would remain Unseen I promised myself I wouldn't lie A promise so quickly broken I know it would be easier to cry If just that once I had spoken. Balcony Scene City lights Like a bad dream Looming across As far as I can see. Dreary wind Blowing east The stars fall down Drenching me I think I hear Potter's Crossing Though I know it's an ocean away And I wish I could hear it one more day Just one more time Lying on my bed Looking up at my sky I want to feel That suburban wind Completing me Like a gentle hymn I need to feel That same wind blow Tapping gently On my window But here, I all I hear Are the silent screams Of the city, the people And dying dreams I wrote that about being homesick. Unbecoming I feel like this is my best one yet. My favorite. When I think about what's happened to me I see your face in my place Because I realize everything I did Was everything you did to me While waiting to be set free I've become everything you were Make it stop. Don't make it hurt anymore. The shame and sin of what I did The restless nights and unwilling fights My disgusting smile in response to their screams This is what you've made me This time I know that In the end You are what's become of me Drunk perversion and violent persuasion The unholy Crusades, an alien invasion Upon my body, you feasted on my soul You stronger with my cries And I don't dare to control You or me While waiting to be set free I've become everything you were Make it stop I know you can't hurt me anymore The shame and sin of what I did The restless nights and unwilling fights My disgusting smile in response to their screams This is what you've made me This time I know that In the end You are what's become of me So why have I chosen a victim in the name of repulsive deeds? Why have I let you plant within me your evil crop and seeds? Why do I hear my shrieks and taste the salt of my own tears When my prisoner comes to mind? How is it that you haunt me when you are captured and confined? I breathed in your lies and bore your legacy While waiting to be set free I've become everything you were Make it stop, make it fucking stop!! I won't let you hurt me anymore. Now someone else is dying Becoming everything I am Becoming you I'm everyting you were But I'll make it stop, I'll kill your memory You won't hurt anyone anymore. The shame and sin of what I did The restless nights and unwilling fights My disgusting smile in response to their screams This is what you've made me This time I know that In the end You are what's become of me You've made me everything you were You've destroyed me, I'll destroy you back Leave you lying on the floor. |
| Dancing In The Dark Geek  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 196 | These are really good! I really love the last one!  |
| Inari King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2538 | They get better as they go along. I loved the last two. Beautiful. |
| Vampiric Acid Idiot  Age: - Gender: - Posts: 926 | WOW those are seriously great...i love unspoken and unbecoming ...they are full of emotion and even relate to me...great job....keep writing im sure you have so much in you to give... |
| Vampiric Acid Idiot Age: - Gender: - Posts: 926 | can you guys read a few of mine???? they are a little different, i only have 2 on the computer right now... |
| lyrical_mess Falling In Love With The Board Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 5278 | Jinxed and Rejected: ciotanly. |
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