Jessika with a K
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 4 | December 3rd, 2006 at 08:07pm Close my eyes and wait for you reply.
Hold my breath and wait for you to say something.
Anything will do, just let me know your still there.
Walk around like I don’t care,
When I strain to hear your voice.
Everything that will make sense as to why your not answering me.
Can’t live my life without you knowing the truth I couldn’t find.
No matter how hard I try,
Your always there laughing.
Smiling without a care in the world,
Worn at the ends maybe someday you’ll snap.
Until then I have to know.
What was going through your head?
Your response was, “Why?”
Is it hard to believe, that after all of this I’m not thinking about you?
Is it hard to believe that your not in my head all the time?
Maybe you should have got to know me better,
Because breaking my heart was the worst thing you could have done.
Its not that you don’t love me,
Its not that you wouldn’t dance with me.
Its just the promises that you made,
The ones that you weren’t going to keep.
Close my eyes and wait for you reply.
Hold my breath and wait for you to say something.
Anything will do, just let me know your still their. |
Deernt.
Rotting On Here
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 48258
  | December 4th, 2006 at 07:45pm ^Great first post! Excellent poem. I don't feel the need to change anything or want you to change anything specific. It was awesome. Truly.
YAY.  |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| December 5th, 2006 at 08:53am This makes a better story/letter than it does a poem. It just doesn't have any elements a poem should have. Plus, every stanza has a different form, thus having poor flow.
QuoteClose my eyes and wait for you to reply.
Hold my breath and wait for you to say something.
Anything will do, just let me know you're still there.
Walk around like I don’t care,
When I strain to hear your voice.
Everything that will make sense as to why you're not answering me.
Can’t live my life without you knowing the truth I couldn’t find.
No matter how hard I try,
You're always there laughing.
Smiling without a care in the world,
Worn at the ends maybe someday you’ll snap.
Until then I have to know.
What was going through your head?
Your response was, “Why?”
Is it hard to believe, that after all of this I’m not thinking about you?
Is it hard to believe that you're not in my head all the time?
Maybe you should have got to know me better,
Because breaking my heart was the worst thing you could have done.
It's not that you don’t love me,
It's not that you wouldn’t dance with me.
It's just the promises that you made,
The ones that you weren’t going to keep.
Close my eyes and wait for your reply.
Hold my breath and wait for you to say something.
Anything will do, just let me know your still there.
So how about a spell/grammar check next time? |
