YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 26th, 2006 at 10:20pm House Of Forgotten Romance
Darkness creeps around the clock
As hints of your blood form a trail
Leading to a sacred door
That open to a love so stale
I remember that forsaken smile
That rested on your snow white skin
Regrets dancing in your eyes
Reflecting all sorrow within
Lead down darkened corridoors
Stench of your bones floating by
Sins carved on the rotten floors
Fallen tears where we had cried
Murdered household killing joy
Step into your morgue for tea
Even after my knife slit you
I still believe we're meant to be
But do you love me? |
Deernt.
Rotting On Here
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 48258
  | December 26th, 2006 at 11:31pm Murdered household killing joy
Step into your morgue for tea
Even after my knife slit you
I still believe we're meant to be
I liked your poem, except for this last stanza.
It didn't flow very well to me.
But it was quite nice. :] |
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 28th, 2006 at 08:10am Thanks. Quite frankly I wasn't very satisfied with it =/ |
MJ
Idiot
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 895 | December 28th, 2006 at 08:22am I like it. More I'll ever be capible of. I only write 'cause I like to believe I'm like my sister. I agree the last bit wasn't to hot but other wise I think your quite the poet. Rock on... |
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 30th, 2006 at 02:19am Thanks (: Everyone's a good poet. You just have to practise. I haven't seen your work but I bet its kick-ass. When I first started even Barney wrote better poems =x |
