PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
 | January 8th, 2007 at 03:17am as she held onto those soft memoires
she let go of herself,
she found that in lie
there need not be hope
her shadowy figure gliding across the dancefloor
with wide eyes they stare
young men who want
no more than to have her as their own.
she stood blind to their offers all the time
until she glided towards him
he who had those deep dark eyes
that seemed to look so gently at the dephs of her soul
she crumbled to dust in his armes
for it was illegal
she fell to pieces in his arms
for it was illegal
she lost herself in his eyes
for it was never meant to be, my love
eternally speaking
he raised his eyebrows as she found herself
staring madly into his eyes
all those moments were but a dream
so she ran across the dance floor
out of the oaken front door
into the garden woven together with moonbeams
and she danced away forever more |
Boo Radley
Idiot
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 655
| January 8th, 2007 at 05:12am Whoah... i really like it.
I like how even though the first stanza doesn't rhyme, when you read it it kind of seems like it does, maybe because of the rhythem, i dunno. I'm no proffessional with these things, but i like it. |
PhotoBoy.
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 24 | January 9th, 2007 at 01:13pm Aw, that was sorta sad.
:[
However, it was good. + it had great imagery.
I liked how the poem was layed out, + the form you used.
'so she ran across the dance floor
out of the oaken front door
into the garden woven together with moonbeams
and she danced away forever more'
^That was perfectly written.
You painted a really vivid pictures with your words, + that stanza really stood out for me.
S'good. :] |
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
| January 10th, 2007 at 01:25am yaaay, she likes it she likes it!, she lieks it too...SO HAPPY  |
nirvana
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 74 | January 10th, 2007 at 01:29am It's quite good.
Though you know I don't like that kind of stuff too much. I like indie |
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
| January 10th, 2007 at 01:31am i knew that |
