Revenge (or whatever you'll call it)

your decency is wearing off
add some slander to top it off
think about your sullen soul as
all your sins take their final toll
you’ll pay for all that you have done
you’ll be dead, i’ll be having all my fun
call me naive or whatever you will
i sure won’t be crying when you’ve gone still
vengeance is so very sweet
but isn’t it all lies and greed?
whatever it may be, i’m just happy you’re not me
vengeance is so very sweet
but i oughta give this a second thought
because i don’t wanna be like you

thanks for reading
comments appreciated!

I think you should have a better understanding of your poem's title.
If you don't then, I don't know what. Just put Title Unknown until you've come up with a creative title.
There's no punctuation, several grammatical errors and the flow was off.

I thought it was very good. House was right that the flow was off a little bit, but only on a couple of lines. I liked the rhyme scheme, and the title "Revenge" fits just fine. Good job.

Dr. House.:

I think you should have a better understanding of your poem's title.
If you don't then, I don't know what. Just put Title Unknown until you've come up with a creative title.
There's no punctuation, several grammatical errors and the flow was off.

I may come off as a little rude here, but since when have people had to use correct punctuation? I don't HAVE to capitalize my i's and write little periods after every sentence. It's the way I write, sorry if I don't write to your standards.

But whatever, thanks for the criticism.

Adeline_love:

Dr. House.:

I think you should have a better understanding of your poem's title.
If you don't then, I don't know what. Just put Title Unknown until you've come up with a creative title.
There's no punctuation, several grammatical errors and the flow was off.

I may come off as a little rude here, but since when have people had to use correct punctuation? I don't HAVE to capitalize my i's and write little periods after every sentence. It's the way I write, sorry if I don't write to your standards.

But whatever, thanks for the criticism.

Well that was rude and you should be open to any feedback, some to your liking, some you may hate.
My opinions and constructive criticism are valued and should be valued amongst the rest.
And my standards stand balanced because a poem should have those levels of material anyway.
I'm not telling you what to do, I'm telling you how you make a good poem into a great poem with some little tweaks and advice.
Sorry I bugged you. T___T

Dr. House.:

Adeline_love:

Dr. House.:

I think you should have a better understanding of your poem's title.
If you don't then, I don't know what. Just put Title Unknown until you've come up with a creative title.
There's no punctuation, several grammatical errors and the flow was off.

I may come off as a little rude here, but since when have people had to use correct punctuation? I don't HAVE to capitalize my i's and write little periods after every sentence. It's the way I write, sorry if I don't write to your standards.

But whatever, thanks for the criticism.

Well that was rude and you should be open to any feedback, some to your liking, some you may hate.
My opinions and constructive criticism are valued and should be valued amongst the rest.
And my standards stand balanced because a poem should have those levels of material anyway.
I'm not telling you what to do, I'm telling you how you make a good poem into a great poem with some little tweaks and advice.
Sorry I bugged you. T___T

You didn't bug me, but I guess your contstructive criticism just made me feel uneasy. I mean, this is the first work that I've submitted anywhere and I just figured that the poem wouuld at least be okay because people have told me that I write well, but I guess they were lying to my face to make me feel good.
I apologize that I jumped down your throat when you were just trying to help and give me some good feedback. I'll take your advice into play the next time I'm writing something. Anyhow, I'm sorry and thanks for your advice.

i really liked it. although i thought that the paragraphs also have started in different places, it was a really good poem. good job. i liked it

Well, to both of you Adeline and House: Calm down....Adeline, the reason people post on this board is to get criticism good or bad. You'll just have to learn to take both. And to House, yes there may have been some punctuation errors, but writers have poetic and creative licencse. Just think about e. e. cummings. He didn't even capitalize his name for Christ's sakes, heh. If you are going to criticize, criticize on the rhyme scheme and flow(which I know you did a little) and other things but just try to stay away from the punctuation and arrangement so much, k?

great poem! (as always ) i liked the feel of it. very good i hope you post more soon