Riot Gurl
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 40
 | April 9th, 2007 at 05:35pm _A Moment Of Tranquility And Enlightenment__
He was an outsider
They called him a freak at school
But this didn't worry him
He had always been an outsider
Wrapped in a veil of darkness
His secrets lay hidden away
He played the giutar
He learnt a few chords
And started to write his own songs
He listened to Nightwish and Within Temptation
I felt a bond, Kindred spirits
He welcomed the darkness into his soul
Soon he would try to find a place in the world
He attended a few gothic nightclubs
And made a few friends
They decided to form a band
Their following grew
They performed in small gigs around their hometown
And then further a feild around the whole of Norway
Soon they were climbing the charts
Their album went to number one
They started to perform at large festivals
The fans could be counted in the hundreds of thousands
This child was lonely no more
A hundred thousand kindred spirits calling out his name
So many lonely souls looking for a guiding light
All united in a moment of tranquility and enlightenment
Well what do u think?????????????? |
SugarGreen
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 3369 | April 9th, 2007 at 07:21pm "So many lonely souls looking for a guiding light
All united in a moment of tranquility and enlightenment"
This fails to make sense to me. How is this tranquil or enlightening? |
Deernt.
Rotting On Here
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 48258
 | April 10th, 2007 at 03:56pm Eternity Ragnarok:"So many lonely souls looking for a guiding light
All united in a moment of tranquility and enlightenment"
This fails to make sense to me. How is this tranquil or enlightening? Maybe the message trying to be set across is that the lonely souls are finding dignity within the light as well as enlightenment.
I'm not sure either.
I do like the second stanza though. XD |
Riot Gurl
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 40
| April 10th, 2007 at 04:01pm Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! And yes that is what it means!!!!!!!!! |
Deernt.
Rotting On Here
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 48258
| April 10th, 2007 at 04:06pm Riot Gurl:Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! And yes that is what it means!!!!!!!!!  You're welcome.
I WAS RIGHT? XD |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | April 11th, 2007 at 11:24am I'll be very honest, because I'm hoping you'll appreciate that. It wasn't particularly poetic, but telling a story through a poem is pretty difficult to do well.
I think you could develop it more into a story rather than a poem. The message you've written about, about finding dignity within enlightenment, etc, is good, bit I think you could've done it a different way. |
