Roses of memory

Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
worn-out astronaut. Had A Life Before GSB Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 28177	May 1st, 2007 at 10:03am The rose I gave you in the winter Its still naive red Red as the blood that falls down your lip A summer day â€“ your cheek cold as ice But the rose still grows Mellow from the sun Steel blue eyes now gloomy gray Oh, darling you're dying But the rose still lives It doesn't care... ... I got good comments on the first one I posted so I gave it another go. I need feedback on this one, please!
PaNcAkEs Jackass Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 1808	May 1st, 2007 at 01:02pm its very clearcut, short, straightforward...at least to me. I think its good, i especially liked the third verse.
worn-out astronaut. Had A Life Before GSB Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 28177	May 1st, 2007 at 02:38pm Kthanx
Deernt. Rotting On Here Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 48258	May 3rd, 2007 at 09:18pm Steel blue eyes now gloomy gray Oh, darling you're dying But the rose still lives I loved it, Ivana. <33 Especially that stanza. The last two lines, "Oh, darling you're dying but the rose still lives", it gives me a sense of how 'hope' filled that statement really is. In other words, I'm saying that the object of your poem, which is the rose, is portrayed as a living thing, and you brought the life into the poem with your phrasing. <333 What I said probably makes no sense, but I see the abstract levels of things. XD Amazing. Keep writing. <33
worn-out astronaut. Had A Life Before GSB Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 28177	May 4th, 2007 at 12:24pm Thanks Liz, it means so much to me to hear a really good critic from you since you are a poet wit and everything. Thanks, and I will certainly try.
bi_bu_ra Rotting On Here Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 49428	May 4th, 2007 at 01:30pm Wow, that was really good. Short, but sweet, not like other short poems without any meaning. Keep on writing.
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161	May 4th, 2007 at 02:08pm I personally thought there were a few places which could be tidied a little, but overall I absolutely loved it. Very clever, and I loved the abstract quality that it had.
worn-out astronaut. Had A Life Before GSB Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 28177	May 4th, 2007 at 04:12pm Thank you all
Deernt. Rotting On Here Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 48258	May 4th, 2007 at 04:40pm Ivana Amoeba: Thanks Liz, it means so much to me to hear a really good critic from you since you are a poet wit and everything. Thanks, and I will certainly try. You're welcome. And aww, thank you.

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