La Tua Cantante
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
  | May 29th, 2007 at 04:52pm When I see you in the hall
nothing can harm me at all.
Until I see her walk to you
And you see her too.
"She's all a lie!"
I scream inside, as I want to die.
Fine. We'll let her slide.
We won't let anything come between you and I.
As I see her stroke your tie
and look into your eyes.
I'll cry and want to say,
"I guess I love you doesn't mean a thing!"
And you'll look into her eyes
And pull her closer to you by the thighs.
I'll lean on the wall
and hope you'll hear my call.
"Thanks ___!"
She says as he hands her tickets to a show.
He'll smile wide
and my tears will flow like the tide.
I'll miss you my dear.
Goodbye is all you should fear.
"I love you really doesn't mean a thing!?!"
I said with a sting.
As he looks up to see me
he realizes he has the key
the key to my heart
yes, thats the part.
As he slowly turns around
and looks to the ground.
He walks up to me and sees the tears I shed
and he'll wish he was dead.
Then he'll turn around
and grab the girl he has found
Maybe for once, he'll feel my pain
and then he'll never look back to me again.... |
PONED
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 257 | May 29th, 2007 at 10:07pm interesting....
Still...rhythym...off...choppy...XD
Still overall....good job!  |
Destination_Unknown
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 105 | May 31st, 2007 at 06:34pm AWW!!! i love it..
its very interesting ! awsum! |
La Tua Cantante
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
| May 31st, 2007 at 08:41pm yea i see what your saying thanks ill work on it
and thank you |
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
| June 1st, 2007 at 02:52am its interesting, it felt like the rhyming was a tiny bit forced in some places, but on the whole, very interesting... i already said i thought you were a good read, and it turns out you are |
La Tua Cantante
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
| June 1st, 2007 at 07:13pm yea...i guess i kinda did force it a little.
and that means a lot thanks again! |
XPitOfDespairX
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 52
| June 3rd, 2007 at 06:43pm yea it was a little forced but it was still very enjoyable! great job! |
Kelly Khaos
Idiot
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 962
| June 3rd, 2007 at 07:38pm I like it! There's loads of feeling.
Good job  |
La Tua Cantante
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
| June 4th, 2007 at 03:59pm thank yous very muchos!
 |
paper heart.
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 139
| June 18th, 2007 at 03:17pm thats quite well written good rhyme scheme
the choppiness reflects the tears and hurt quite well
<3 |
La Tua Cantante
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
| June 18th, 2007 at 06:21pm aww thanks!!! |
