A Nightmare?

He never loved me, he thought i was weird
If he would like me ever, well thats all i feared

My friend had once told me about suicide
I thought and i thought and forgot and put it aside

She said she no friends, all but one
She thought about weed, Oh how fun!

When i thought back to that day
While i was on a walk by the bay

I knew i was not needed for this life
so i thought i could end it all with a knife

When i got home that day
good bye was all i could say

As all looked up at me in awe
i turned around, my last few minutes in this god forsaken place was all i saw

I went to my room
up the long staircase, i would be there soon

I wrote my long letter
Gave all to my friends, it would all be better
Right?

Last but not least, i wrote my last and thought,
Crying and lying there, remembering what i was taught

When 3 am came
It all seemed to be the same

I went to the kitchen, where i took the knife
Slit my neck open, that was the end of my life.

So all you who are thinking this was all a nightmare,
you have thought wrong, 'cause you don't always wake up there

All who are wondering who the last letter is to
Its to the guy i love
he's as gentle as a dove

i told him i love him
i told him i'm lost without him
i told him, most importantly, i could not live without him

so you see i really could not live without him

when he found the note, all covered in my tears,
He went home and drank a lot of beers,

He took back everything he said
as he laid there crying, in his bed

As I sit in a empty chair
invisible at my funeral
all had come because i knew they care

In the last few minutes there
I saw my love walk in
to look to his way, it was a dare

As he cried and held on to the casket,
he was pulled away,
he was not allowed to stay

that night as he lay
i appeared in dismay

he yelled " I take it all back!"
i shushed his lips and said "is that a fact?"
he said " i love you"
and i said "i love you too....."

yea i know...i think this was my first poemive ever wrote so yea
but thanks

first one, eh? pretty good *claps*.
It was a tad typical, but its very rare to hit the right flow from the very first thing you write, but its still pretty good.
I agree with Rock Steady. that is was a tad choppy, but practice makes perfect, so write more, i think you'll be quite an interesting read...

kool i work on it!
thanks for the advice

wow this si really good or a first time poem!
it was a wee bit choppy i must say but i dont know much about poems lol

lol
thanks

wow…thats so deep! i love it…i thouht the choppyness wasnt very noticable but yet…i love it! ALOT! great job tho!

thank you! XD

I haven't seen this forced rhyming in quite a while and I can't really see the point, you keep jumping from one thing to another.
Sorry but no.

its ok
i dont mind critism :]

I liked the rhyming couplets at the start
then the flow kind of lost its self towrads the yet
however the content was just as good
and as you say this was your first poem
therefore considering that its rather good tbh
I really like your poetry btw
iv only recently come to the boards and keep finding myself reading your poetry x]