The Strange Confessions Of Three Guys In a Band, chapter 4
Mike: TRE WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU! BILLIE JOE - GET OUT MY WAY SO I CAN FUCKING KILL HIM!!
*Billie Joe stands in front of Mike and tries to calm him down as Mike slowly advances on a worried looking Tre*
Billie Joe: c'mon Mike just... try to stay calm okay?
Mike: I'LL TRY TO STAY CALM AFTER I FUCKING KILL HIM!!
Tre: I didn't mean it - I was looking at... er... and I turned around and -
Mike: YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF TAKING THE FUCKING KEYS OUT OF THE VAN?!
Tre: but...
Billie Joe: c'mon Mike it's not all his fault, we didn't take the keys either.
Mike: HE WAS DRIVING!!
Billie Joe: c'mon its not that a big deal - we can get another van.
Mike: ALL OUR INSTRUMENTS AND EQUIPMENT WERE IN THERE!!
*Billie Joe looks shocked as he remembers packing almost everything into the back of their van to the point where there was hardly any room for the three of them. He moves out of Mikes way*
Billie Joe: okay you can kill him.
Tre: no no no! I didn't mean it!
*Mike grabs Tre by the arm as he tries to make a quick getaway and fails miserably. Mike twists Tre's arm around his back and pushes it upwards with a military-like grip*
Tre: ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!!
Mike: what the hell are we going to do now Tre?!?!
Tre: ow-ow-ow- I dunno - ow-ow- it wasn't my fault!
*Mike pushes Tre's arm up further and Tre falls to his knees*
Tre: OW!! FUCK!
Mike: who's fault was it??
Tre: OW-OW-OW! MINE!
Mike: that's what I thought.
*Tre starts laughing*
Mike: what the fuck are you laughing at!?
Tre: if you break my arm I cant play drums anyway and there's no point in going on tour!
*This comment makes Mike even more pissed off and he looks on the verge of murderous until Billie Joe steps forward*
Billie Joe: he's right, just let him go.
*Mike thinks for a minute then lets Tre go. Tre gets up and rubs his arm.*
Tre: oww... fucking hell.
*Mike gives Tre a "you'd better sleep with one eye open" look, then walks over to the store again*
Billie Joe: where are you going?
Mike: to find a phone.
*Mike goes inside to find a phone*
Tre: whats his problem?
Billie Joe: shut up Tre. You know this is all your fault.
*Tre sticks his tongue out at Billie Joe while he isn't looking just as Mike comes back out of the store*
Mike: the telephone is for "paying customers only"
Billie Joe: but we just bought a shit load of stuff from there!!
Mike: that's what I said. Anyway I spent the last of the money I had on me on that junk food - do either of you have any?
*Billie Joe checks his pockets*
Billie Joe: spent the last of mine in there too.
*Tre checks his pockets then remembers he left it all in the van*
Tre: oops...
Mike: well this is just great. We're stranded in the middle of nowhere because SOMEONE *Mike gives a glance at Tre* left the keys in the van and let it get stolen
- AND we cant use the phone so we cant call anyone - AND we have no money. What the fuck are we supposed to do now?!
Tre: ... walk?
* * *
Tre: I'm tiiiiiiiiiired...
Billie Joe: shut up.
Tre: but we've been walking for aaaaaaaaaaaages...
Billie Joe: it was your idea!
Tre: but its already dark! cant we rest for a while?
Billie Joe: no.
Tre: wow, you get huffy when you're tired!
Billie Joe: I get "huffy" when my stoopid-ass drummer leaves the keys in our van and lets it get stolen.
*Tre shuts up*
*they walk in silence for a while*
Mike: what's that noise?
Tre: ... it's a car. ... yes! It's a car! No more walking!
*Tre runs into the middle of the road and sticks his thumb out at the headlights getting bigger and bigger in front of him*
Billie Joe: TRE!! You're gonna get yourself killed!
*Mike shakes his head*
Mike: for fucks sake...
Tre: I know what I'm doing! They'll stop and give us a ride - just watch - ahh!
*Tre goes wide eyed as the car in front of him stops just in time.*
*a very attractive young lady gets out of the car and looks at all three of them. Tre immediately begins eyeing her up.*
Attractive Young Lady: ohmigod I'm sorry... are you three alright? Do you need a ride?
*Tre grins*
Tre: OH YEAH!
Billie Joe: shut up Tre! - Miss, if you could give us a ride that would be great.
*she smiles*
Attractive Young Lady: hop in.
*Billie Joe stands in front of Mike and tries to calm him down as Mike slowly advances on a worried looking Tre*
Billie Joe: c'mon Mike just... try to stay calm okay?
Mike: I'LL TRY TO STAY CALM AFTER I FUCKING KILL HIM!!
Tre: I didn't mean it - I was looking at... er... and I turned around and -
Mike: YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF TAKING THE FUCKING KEYS OUT OF THE VAN?!
Tre: but...
Billie Joe: c'mon Mike it's not all his fault, we didn't take the keys either.
Mike: HE WAS DRIVING!!
Billie Joe: c'mon its not that a big deal - we can get another van.
Mike: ALL OUR INSTRUMENTS AND EQUIPMENT WERE IN THERE!!
*Billie Joe looks shocked as he remembers packing almost everything into the back of their van to the point where there was hardly any room for the three of them. He moves out of Mikes way*
Billie Joe: okay you can kill him.
Tre: no no no! I didn't mean it!
*Mike grabs Tre by the arm as he tries to make a quick getaway and fails miserably. Mike twists Tre's arm around his back and pushes it upwards with a military-like grip*
Tre: ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!!
Mike: what the hell are we going to do now Tre?!?!
Tre: ow-ow-ow- I dunno - ow-ow- it wasn't my fault!
*Mike pushes Tre's arm up further and Tre falls to his knees*
Tre: OW!! FUCK!
Mike: who's fault was it??
Tre: OW-OW-OW! MINE!
Mike: that's what I thought.
*Tre starts laughing*
Mike: what the fuck are you laughing at!?
Tre: if you break my arm I cant play drums anyway and there's no point in going on tour!
*This comment makes Mike even more pissed off and he looks on the verge of murderous until Billie Joe steps forward*
Billie Joe: he's right, just let him go.
*Mike thinks for a minute then lets Tre go. Tre gets up and rubs his arm.*
Tre: oww... fucking hell.
*Mike gives Tre a "you'd better sleep with one eye open" look, then walks over to the store again*
Billie Joe: where are you going?
Mike: to find a phone.
*Mike goes inside to find a phone*
Tre: whats his problem?
Billie Joe: shut up Tre. You know this is all your fault.
*Tre sticks his tongue out at Billie Joe while he isn't looking just as Mike comes back out of the store*
Mike: the telephone is for "paying customers only"
Billie Joe: but we just bought a shit load of stuff from there!!
Mike: that's what I said. Anyway I spent the last of the money I had on me on that junk food - do either of you have any?
*Billie Joe checks his pockets*
Billie Joe: spent the last of mine in there too.
*Tre checks his pockets then remembers he left it all in the van*
Tre: oops...
Mike: well this is just great. We're stranded in the middle of nowhere because SOMEONE *Mike gives a glance at Tre* left the keys in the van and let it get stolen
- AND we cant use the phone so we cant call anyone - AND we have no money. What the fuck are we supposed to do now?!
Tre: ... walk?
* * *
Tre: I'm tiiiiiiiiiired...
Billie Joe: shut up.
Tre: but we've been walking for aaaaaaaaaaaages...
Billie Joe: it was your idea!
Tre: but its already dark! cant we rest for a while?
Billie Joe: no.
Tre: wow, you get huffy when you're tired!
Billie Joe: I get "huffy" when my stoopid-ass drummer leaves the keys in our van and lets it get stolen.
*Tre shuts up*
*they walk in silence for a while*
Mike: what's that noise?
Tre: ... it's a car. ... yes! It's a car! No more walking!
*Tre runs into the middle of the road and sticks his thumb out at the headlights getting bigger and bigger in front of him*
Billie Joe: TRE!! You're gonna get yourself killed!
*Mike shakes his head*
Mike: for fucks sake...
Tre: I know what I'm doing! They'll stop and give us a ride - just watch - ahh!
*Tre goes wide eyed as the car in front of him stops just in time.*
*a very attractive young lady gets out of the car and looks at all three of them. Tre immediately begins eyeing her up.*
Attractive Young Lady: ohmigod I'm sorry... are you three alright? Do you need a ride?
*Tre grins*
Tre: OH YEAH!
Billie Joe: shut up Tre! - Miss, if you could give us a ride that would be great.
*she smiles*
Attractive Young Lady: hop in.
