Runaway Bride, chapter 12
Tre left the next morning. The entire act of saying goodbye was much less eventful than I would have suspected. While we stood there in Dave and Lola's living room, I felt something weird. I couldn't explain it or define it, but there was definitely something stirring in my heart. I swallowed around the lump in my throat as I looked into Tre's eyes.
"Bye, Tre," I said. I couldn't think of something profound to say that he would remember me by, so that was what I said.
He smoothed my hair. "Don't forget about me."
"I won't. I can't." I hugged him. "Don't forget to come back," I whispered into his chest.
"I won't."
I gave him a watery smile. "I love you."
"I love you too." He stepped back and held my shoulders. His eyes searched my face, as if they were trying to memorize every detail. "Bye." He hugged and kissed me one more time, waved goodbye once more to Dave and Lola, and then he was gone.
I sat on the brown couch, my mind blank. I had been thinking all night, I hadn't slept, and it was as though I had used all my thoughts up, I had no more left. Lola sat down gently next to me.
"You okay, honey?" she asked softly.
"Yeah." I sighed.
"He'll be back, you know."
I nodded and stared at my hands. "Yeah. I know."
"He really loves you, he told me so."
I turned my head slightly. "He did?"
"Yes."
I knew I shouldn't have been surprised, and I wasn't. I knew that Lola was right, but I couldn't help feeling that something irreplaceable in me had just died. I was living with the feeling that something bad was going to happen so often that I was growing more comfortable with it, but I still couldn't make it go away.
I suddenly had a thought. "Lola, where am I going to stay?"
She looked surprised. "Well, here, of course."
"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to be rude... .."
She chuckled. "Honey, of course not. You are welcome to stay as long as you want. Until Tre comes back, forever if necessary."
"You don't think Tre's coming back?"
She shook her head quickly. "I didn't say that, now did I? I was just trying to prove a point. You can stay here as long as you need."
I smiled. "Thanks, Lola."
"Honey, please. You're like the sister I never had. It's no problem at all." She hugged me quickly, then stood up. "How do you feel about lunch?"
"I'm not really hungry."
She nodded. "Right. Well, there'll be sandwiches in the kitchen, if you change your mind."
"Thanks." I forced another smile, and she left. I tried not to think anymore. I really didn't know what was left to think about. I wondered if I should be jealous of what Tre was doing. I mean, going on tour, without me to supervise, who knew what trouble he could get into? Girls throwing themselves at him, what if the temptation got to be too much... .No. He loved me, and he would never cheat on me. Right? For some reason the only thing I could think of were all the movies and things I had seen on TV about rock stars. How they slept with different girls all the time, they were heavily into drinking and drugs... .But this was Tre, MY Tre. And he wasn't like that. But how well did I really know him? I calculated mentally. I had only known him for... .a week now. Oh my God, I thought. Had it only been that long? And yet, there had been more emotion and drama packed into that one week than I had had my entire life. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. The most recent memories I had of Tre were him screaming at me and basically telling me that he regretted falling in love with me, that I had been a mistake. And if that was all I was to him... .I didn't know what I would do. I chewed on a thumbnail and thought.
"Hey, there, Cassie!" boomed Dave from behind me, jolting me out of my thoughts. No one had ever called me Cassie, and I really didn't want someone to start now, but I didn't say anything.
"Hi Dave." I smiled weakly.
"How are things with you?" He grinned and sat down next to me.
"Oh... .fine."
"Good, good. Listen, me and Lola are gonna go out for a while, maybe go shopping. You wanna come?"
"Oh, uh... .not today, Dave. Thanks, though."
His face fell. "Oh, okay. Maybe next time."
"Yeah, maybe." But inside I was thinking, or maybe not.
The next few weeks passed basically like that. I sat around the apartment, thinking. I analyzed everything Tre had ever said to me, twisting his words to mean things that I knew he couldn't have meant. I interpreted every facial expression, every hand gesture, a thousand different ways, until I felt like I was going out of my mind. The logical thing would have been to venture outside, which Lola and Dave kept urging me to do, but I felt somehow that this would be a betrayal to Tre. I knew, deep in my mind, that this made no sense, that Tre was out there having a million new experiences without me, and I should have some too, to tell him about when he got back. But all I wanted to do was sit, so I did. Finally, one night, about a month later, the phone rang. I didn't think anything of it, just sat in the living room, remembering that time Tre had asked me, that first day, "Why in the hell would you get married at eighteen?" Had there been something behind his eyes as he'd said that, something that made him know all relationships were doomed for failure?
"Cassandra," Lola said quietly from where she stood in the doorway. "The phone. It's Tre."
"Oh." I got up and walked into the kitchen, where Lola handed me the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, babe!" Tre sounded excited and out of breath. There was a lot of noise in the background, as if he were somewhere with a lot of loud people.
"Hi, Tre." I knew that I should have felt relief, or happiness, or something, at the sound of his voice, but inside I just felt empty.
"How are you, sweetie?" What the hell? Tre had never called me "babe" or "sweetie" before, and it made me feel kind of strange. What had happened to him?
"I'm good," I lied. "How are you?"
"Great! Yeah, really good. Yesterday we had a show in Vegas, and it was... .oh my God, Cassandra, it was incredible. I can't even describe to you... .the people were just awesome, really energetic, and it was like... ." He trailed off. "Yeah."
"Sounds like you're having a really good time," I said hollowly.
"Yeah, amazing." There was a pause, then Tre resumed his excitement. "Listen, I haven't even told you the best part! I'm coming home! We're doing a show in San Francisco in... .two days, and I can visit you then! Isn't that great?"
"Yeah, Tre. That's really... .great." Wasn't it? I wasn't so sure.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a second. Save one of those beers for me!" Tre called to someone next to him. "Listen, Cassandra, I have to go. But be good until I get there, okay? Love you! Bye!" He hung up.
I stared at the phone for a second, wondering if that had just happened, or if I had just imagined the entire conversation. Tre was coming home. Shouldn't I have been excited? Shouldn't I have at least felt, well... something? But the emptiness in my chest remained. I silently handed the phone back to Lola, who was looking at me, concerned. I should have reassured her I was fine, like I had been doing for the past month, but I was tired of lying.
Tre's visit went badly. The door flew open two days later, and there he stood. I felt a rush of hurt as I looked at him. He was completely changed. His hair was dyed bright green, and he was wearing a black one of those gas station worker's shirts, with the name "Morty" stamped across the left lapel. He ran over and smothered me in a hug, one that wasn't unlike the one Dave had given Tre when we'd first arrived, a day that seemed like a lifetime ago.
"Cassandra!" Tre pressed a loud, sloppy kiss on my face. "How are ya, babe?"
"Hi, Tre," I said stiffly, wiping at my cheek.
Tre hugged Dave and Lola, who smiled at him coldly. I could tell she was having the same thoughts I was, but Dave grinned on obliviously.
"Hey, man, so tell me all about tour!" Dave led Tre into the kitchen, and I followed. I didn't want to be stuck in the living room alone with Lola, for some reason that I couldn't pinpoint.
The four of us sat at the yellow table, while Tre rambled on with stories about concerts, about fans, about record companies. I felt like I had when I was a little kid, when my parents would invite their friends over and they would all carry on a "grown-up conversation" that I was not a part of. I had sat there and pretended to be interested, but really I had been bored senseless. Now my mind wandered, and I thought about eight thousand things, each of them less important than the last. After I while I looked up in confusion to see Tre and Dave standing up and shaking hands. Tre looked at me.
"Okay, Cassandra?" he asked me, smiling.
"What?" I hadn't been paying a bit of attention.
He looked at me oddly, but just said, "Come on," and left the kitchen. I followed him, with no idea of where he was going or what he was doing. I arrived in the hallway to see him disappear into the bedroom. I knew where this was going, and my brain did its now familiar pattern of not feeling anything.
I opened the door. "Tre?" I called out softly.
As if out of nowhere, Tre shoved himself at me and pressed his lips against mine. "Oh, baby," he whispered. "I've been waiting so long for this... you don't know... " He ran his hands under my shirt, over my hips. I knew that I should have been enjoying this, I should have wanted this as badly as Tre did, but I didn't. Right then I just wanted him off me.
I pulled away, our lips parting making a loud sucking sound. "Uh... ." I muttered. I tried to think of something to say to explain what I was doing, something to make him leave, but I couldn't think of anything.
"What's wrong?" He furrowed his brow in confusion.
"Nothing!" I said quickly. "Nothing... " I avoided looking into his eyes.
"Cassandra... don't you want me?" I was mildly shocked at how bluntly he put it.
"Yes," I tried to smile, but it ended up looking more like a grimace. "Of course I do, I just... "
"What?"
"I don't know..."
"That's okay," He shrugged. "I should probably get going anyway. Bye." He walked out the door, and he was gone again.
"Bye." I said quietly to the door.
"Bye, Tre," I said. I couldn't think of something profound to say that he would remember me by, so that was what I said.
He smoothed my hair. "Don't forget about me."
"I won't. I can't." I hugged him. "Don't forget to come back," I whispered into his chest.
"I won't."
I gave him a watery smile. "I love you."
"I love you too." He stepped back and held my shoulders. His eyes searched my face, as if they were trying to memorize every detail. "Bye." He hugged and kissed me one more time, waved goodbye once more to Dave and Lola, and then he was gone.
I sat on the brown couch, my mind blank. I had been thinking all night, I hadn't slept, and it was as though I had used all my thoughts up, I had no more left. Lola sat down gently next to me.
"You okay, honey?" she asked softly.
"Yeah." I sighed.
"He'll be back, you know."
I nodded and stared at my hands. "Yeah. I know."
"He really loves you, he told me so."
I turned my head slightly. "He did?"
"Yes."
I knew I shouldn't have been surprised, and I wasn't. I knew that Lola was right, but I couldn't help feeling that something irreplaceable in me had just died. I was living with the feeling that something bad was going to happen so often that I was growing more comfortable with it, but I still couldn't make it go away.
I suddenly had a thought. "Lola, where am I going to stay?"
She looked surprised. "Well, here, of course."
"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to be rude... .."
She chuckled. "Honey, of course not. You are welcome to stay as long as you want. Until Tre comes back, forever if necessary."
"You don't think Tre's coming back?"
She shook her head quickly. "I didn't say that, now did I? I was just trying to prove a point. You can stay here as long as you need."
I smiled. "Thanks, Lola."
"Honey, please. You're like the sister I never had. It's no problem at all." She hugged me quickly, then stood up. "How do you feel about lunch?"
"I'm not really hungry."
She nodded. "Right. Well, there'll be sandwiches in the kitchen, if you change your mind."
"Thanks." I forced another smile, and she left. I tried not to think anymore. I really didn't know what was left to think about. I wondered if I should be jealous of what Tre was doing. I mean, going on tour, without me to supervise, who knew what trouble he could get into? Girls throwing themselves at him, what if the temptation got to be too much... .No. He loved me, and he would never cheat on me. Right? For some reason the only thing I could think of were all the movies and things I had seen on TV about rock stars. How they slept with different girls all the time, they were heavily into drinking and drugs... .But this was Tre, MY Tre. And he wasn't like that. But how well did I really know him? I calculated mentally. I had only known him for... .a week now. Oh my God, I thought. Had it only been that long? And yet, there had been more emotion and drama packed into that one week than I had had my entire life. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. The most recent memories I had of Tre were him screaming at me and basically telling me that he regretted falling in love with me, that I had been a mistake. And if that was all I was to him... .I didn't know what I would do. I chewed on a thumbnail and thought.
"Hey, there, Cassie!" boomed Dave from behind me, jolting me out of my thoughts. No one had ever called me Cassie, and I really didn't want someone to start now, but I didn't say anything.
"Hi Dave." I smiled weakly.
"How are things with you?" He grinned and sat down next to me.
"Oh... .fine."
"Good, good. Listen, me and Lola are gonna go out for a while, maybe go shopping. You wanna come?"
"Oh, uh... .not today, Dave. Thanks, though."
His face fell. "Oh, okay. Maybe next time."
"Yeah, maybe." But inside I was thinking, or maybe not.
The next few weeks passed basically like that. I sat around the apartment, thinking. I analyzed everything Tre had ever said to me, twisting his words to mean things that I knew he couldn't have meant. I interpreted every facial expression, every hand gesture, a thousand different ways, until I felt like I was going out of my mind. The logical thing would have been to venture outside, which Lola and Dave kept urging me to do, but I felt somehow that this would be a betrayal to Tre. I knew, deep in my mind, that this made no sense, that Tre was out there having a million new experiences without me, and I should have some too, to tell him about when he got back. But all I wanted to do was sit, so I did. Finally, one night, about a month later, the phone rang. I didn't think anything of it, just sat in the living room, remembering that time Tre had asked me, that first day, "Why in the hell would you get married at eighteen?" Had there been something behind his eyes as he'd said that, something that made him know all relationships were doomed for failure?
"Cassandra," Lola said quietly from where she stood in the doorway. "The phone. It's Tre."
"Oh." I got up and walked into the kitchen, where Lola handed me the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, babe!" Tre sounded excited and out of breath. There was a lot of noise in the background, as if he were somewhere with a lot of loud people.
"Hi, Tre." I knew that I should have felt relief, or happiness, or something, at the sound of his voice, but inside I just felt empty.
"How are you, sweetie?" What the hell? Tre had never called me "babe" or "sweetie" before, and it made me feel kind of strange. What had happened to him?
"I'm good," I lied. "How are you?"
"Great! Yeah, really good. Yesterday we had a show in Vegas, and it was... .oh my God, Cassandra, it was incredible. I can't even describe to you... .the people were just awesome, really energetic, and it was like... ." He trailed off. "Yeah."
"Sounds like you're having a really good time," I said hollowly.
"Yeah, amazing." There was a pause, then Tre resumed his excitement. "Listen, I haven't even told you the best part! I'm coming home! We're doing a show in San Francisco in... .two days, and I can visit you then! Isn't that great?"
"Yeah, Tre. That's really... .great." Wasn't it? I wasn't so sure.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a second. Save one of those beers for me!" Tre called to someone next to him. "Listen, Cassandra, I have to go. But be good until I get there, okay? Love you! Bye!" He hung up.
I stared at the phone for a second, wondering if that had just happened, or if I had just imagined the entire conversation. Tre was coming home. Shouldn't I have been excited? Shouldn't I have at least felt, well... something? But the emptiness in my chest remained. I silently handed the phone back to Lola, who was looking at me, concerned. I should have reassured her I was fine, like I had been doing for the past month, but I was tired of lying.
Tre's visit went badly. The door flew open two days later, and there he stood. I felt a rush of hurt as I looked at him. He was completely changed. His hair was dyed bright green, and he was wearing a black one of those gas station worker's shirts, with the name "Morty" stamped across the left lapel. He ran over and smothered me in a hug, one that wasn't unlike the one Dave had given Tre when we'd first arrived, a day that seemed like a lifetime ago.
"Cassandra!" Tre pressed a loud, sloppy kiss on my face. "How are ya, babe?"
"Hi, Tre," I said stiffly, wiping at my cheek.
Tre hugged Dave and Lola, who smiled at him coldly. I could tell she was having the same thoughts I was, but Dave grinned on obliviously.
"Hey, man, so tell me all about tour!" Dave led Tre into the kitchen, and I followed. I didn't want to be stuck in the living room alone with Lola, for some reason that I couldn't pinpoint.
The four of us sat at the yellow table, while Tre rambled on with stories about concerts, about fans, about record companies. I felt like I had when I was a little kid, when my parents would invite their friends over and they would all carry on a "grown-up conversation" that I was not a part of. I had sat there and pretended to be interested, but really I had been bored senseless. Now my mind wandered, and I thought about eight thousand things, each of them less important than the last. After I while I looked up in confusion to see Tre and Dave standing up and shaking hands. Tre looked at me.
"Okay, Cassandra?" he asked me, smiling.
"What?" I hadn't been paying a bit of attention.
He looked at me oddly, but just said, "Come on," and left the kitchen. I followed him, with no idea of where he was going or what he was doing. I arrived in the hallway to see him disappear into the bedroom. I knew where this was going, and my brain did its now familiar pattern of not feeling anything.
I opened the door. "Tre?" I called out softly.
As if out of nowhere, Tre shoved himself at me and pressed his lips against mine. "Oh, baby," he whispered. "I've been waiting so long for this... you don't know... " He ran his hands under my shirt, over my hips. I knew that I should have been enjoying this, I should have wanted this as badly as Tre did, but I didn't. Right then I just wanted him off me.
I pulled away, our lips parting making a loud sucking sound. "Uh... ." I muttered. I tried to think of something to say to explain what I was doing, something to make him leave, but I couldn't think of anything.
"What's wrong?" He furrowed his brow in confusion.
"Nothing!" I said quickly. "Nothing... " I avoided looking into his eyes.
"Cassandra... don't you want me?" I was mildly shocked at how bluntly he put it.
"Yes," I tried to smile, but it ended up looking more like a grimace. "Of course I do, I just... "
"What?"
"I don't know..."
"That's okay," He shrugged. "I should probably get going anyway. Bye." He walked out the door, and he was gone again.
"Bye." I said quietly to the door.
