Full Of Rage... Maybe Forever, chapter 9

The whole room spun, clear out of view it seemed.

Sheena couldn't remember the last time the topic of her mother had come up. Even she and her sister didn't discuss it. She put her head in her hands, and didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tears slide down her cheeks. She just wanted to escape; just leave. She felt like she was going to fall asleep when she felt Jane put her hand on her back and the hugged her. Sheena didn't hug back. She wanted to, she just couldn't. She didn't have the energy.

Neither of them talked the whole time, Jane new Sheena didn't want to, but it hurt her. Not to mention, it made her angrier at Billie Joe by the second.

*Next day*

"Billie Joe, stop apologizing! I get the fact you're sorry, and I honestly do believe you. I swear. Just stop," Sheena said to Billie Joe.

"Ok, sorry- I mean ok."

Sheena laughed. It was kind of the first civil moment she'd shared with Billie Joe since her 'return.' It was nice... .. sort of. Although, it did take longer than it seemed for Sheena to really forgive Billie Joe. It wasn't his fault, but why did he have to be so damn ignorant. Now, she realized why Jane was telling him to stop talking that day. She new what was coming, but Sheena didn't. Maybe it was just because she was out of it that day, or maybe she had been blocking it out. Either way, if she was blocking it all out, she was doing it again. That was the real reason she forgave Billie Joe. It was to, well, block it out. Every time he apologized he reminded her of everything. Even if he was trying to help her, he was actually tearing her apart inside. Sheena was almost positive he didn't do it on purpose, but she just couldn't help looking at him the same way she had almost four years ago.

"Sheena-Bo-Beena!!" a freshman, blonde-headed girl yelled, running after Sheena and her friends, Jane, Mike, and Billie Joe- yes, friend.

Billie Joe looked at Sheena who was casually waving back at the girl, who continued waving until she had to hold her skirt down as she ran in front of a fan. Billie Joe, although no one else knew this, knew this girl well- very well.

"Uh... Sheena? You know that girl?" Mike asked a little confused.

"Yeah, she's my stepsister."

Jane looked up from what she was drawing.

"Oh, you mean the one who you love to hate, but you could never hate?" she asked.

Sheena rolled her eyes. "Yes, that's the one. Hey Nicole!" she yelled, and started to walk over to her.

Billie Joe watched her leave, and immediately turned to Jane once Sheena was out of ear shot.

"Ok, now that she is gone, I need advice. Look, I know that she told me to quit apologizing to her, but I can't help but think I should one more time. Now, hear me out. I just want to do something nice for her ONE more time, just once. The only problem is, I don't know if she will like that, and I don't know what to do. Will she like it, and what do I do, Jane!?"

Jane stared up at him blankly, in a hurry to get back to her drawing, and replied simply, "Yes, and flowers. Sheena loves flowers."

Billie Joe turned away quickly, mumbling to himself, "Flowers, flowers, flowers..."

Mike looked around. Sheena was chatting with her, really strange, yet really hot stepsister, Billie Joe was 'on a mission', and Jane was engrossed in her work.

"Ok, Jane, I'm gonna go, 'cuz everyone's left so uhh, yeah."

"Ok, yeah, sure," Jane replied without looking up from her notebook.

Mike smirked.

"And then, I thought about robbing a couple of banks on my way to Cuba."

"Whatever."

"And then, care to join me for some cow-tipping?"

"Why not."

Mike walked away laughing, wondering how Billie Joe's 'meeting' was going to go.

****

"Sheena, there's someone at the door for you!"

Sheena looked up from her homework as she heard her step mom's voice echo into her bedroom. 'She'd better keep it down or my dad's liable to crack,' she thought. 'Yeah right. He wouldn't lay a finger on the rich and perfect. Hmmm maybe that's why he didn't hit me before; I WAS rich and perfect.'

Once Sheena walked down the stairs, she met her step mother at the bottom of the staircase.

"Who the hell is here to see me?" Sheena asked a little surprised to have a visitor.

"I don't know. It's just some boy with flowers. Looks kinda sweet," she replied and gave Sheena a wink, trying to be nice. Normally, Sheena would've made some rude remark to her act of kindness, but she was processing what was just said in her mind: a boy with flowers.

It was Billie Joe; it had to be. Why was he doing this? Maybe he really was trying to make her feel awful. Maybe he really was trying to wreck her life. She almost didn't open the door, but she couldn't just run away, he would suspect something. Reluctantly, she opened the front door to meet Billie Joe smiling and offering her a mixture of beautiful Daisies.

"Hi. Listen, I know you didn't want me to keep apologizing, but this is the last time. I just wanted to make sure you knew I was serious when I said I was sorry. Jane told me you love flowers, so I figured I'd buy..."

Sheena had shut the door behind her, and went to sit down on the porch step with her head in her hands. It was then Billie Joe realized he should've just left things the way they were.

"Um, Sheena?"

Sheena jumped up with tears streaking her face and confronted Billie before either of them knew what was going on.

"Why are you doing this to me? Will you just leave me alone? Why do you keep tearing me apart? Look, I'm sorry for everything I once did to you, but I can't change the past, 'cuz..."

Billie Joe's eyes were open and he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did she really think that he had been pestering her with apologies to make her feel worse? Even if it was a false accusation, he slowly began to feel more guilty by the second.

Sheena was trying to catch her breath to finish what she was saying, but she couldn't. Billie Joe dropped the flowers, seeing that she was hysterical, and held her tight, letting her catch her breath.

"... .. Because- because if I could I would. I would take back everything, and I'm sorry, so sorry, but I can't. But if I could I would, if I could I would... .." she cried into his shoulder, and he just held her, gently rubbing her back. He remembered this feeling when his own dad had died. She was blaming herself just like he did once. He could tell her it wasn't her fault, but she wouldn't listen. She would figure it our for herself, but he knew there was nothing he could do, except hold her.

****

I was at least an hour before she finished telling Billie Joe her story- Although, she did leave out her current state with her father. Pretty soon, the sun was starting to set, and Sheena knew she should go inside. It was hard to let Billie go. He offered her so much comfort, and she just didn't want to leave his arms. She didn't exactly know how she felt towards him at the given moment, but he apparently did.

As she stood up and faced him, holding her flowers, she was about ready to say goodbye and go her separate way, when her breath caught her words as he kissed her. It was such a breathtaking kiss, that she didn't know how to react. She wasn't sure if she liked it, or disliked it, but she had to get away, to find out. Both pulled away, and surprisingly, she stood in the same spot looking at him.

Sheena raised her eyebrows. "That was a little weird," she said laughing.

Billie Joe laughed back. "Yeah, kinda." Honestly, he didn't know what overcame him, and told him to kiss her. Either way, he couldn't get enough. He was leaning in for another kiss, when she pulled him into an embrace, turned around, and shut the door. He didn't know if that was a good reaction or not. There was a hug, but also a 'door-in-face.'

Thoughts escaping him, he stood there, unbelieving of the thoughts that perceived him. He couldn't believe how hard it was to simply look away from the one you love.

Wow, love.