A Tale Of Two Popstars, chapter 32
Work. Career. That was all that she had room for in her thoughts. It was the whole reason why they were in this mess in the first place. She wasn’t going to lose sight of it now. And neither was he if she could help it. His career was just as important as hers, and she’d be damned if he was going to mess it all up over them. Their separation had been strategically planned from the beginning in that hotel room in Las Vegas with Emma. Seven months, right before the release of his new album it would be made official. Billie Joe Armstrong and Stef C, pop couple separated. The press would give them all the free publicity his management could stand, any fans he might of lost over his marriage to her would be gained back, and with this one announcement there was even the potential of gaining more with that promise of impending single hood. Almost one and a half months till D-day and Stef was making sure it happened, for him and for her. So here she was three weeks later back in the States, on her first headlining tour trying to forget everything the only way she knew how, losing herself in work, and still avoiding Billie Joe’s calls.
“Stef I need to talk… OH MY…� Emma’s eyes widened at the sight in front of her. “STEFANIA…�
Stef lifted her hand unconsciously to smooth her hair. “Is it bad?�
“NO it’s just,� Emma answered as she walked over. “It’s just… Stef you cut your hair,� Emma said, her voice still tinged with surprise.
“You don’t like it? I’m not sure what I think. I just sort of did it. We were at the salon today and it was one of those spontaneous things…I wanted something different,� Stef stated biting her lower lip hoping for some sort of reassurance from her best friend.
“Well…it definitely is different,� Emma said slowly. “I mean the entire time I’ve known you you’ve had such long hair… I’m shocked but I… You look fabulous.� And then she proceeded to shake her head in disbelief, her hands flipping every which way. “God Stef! What possessed you to cut your hair?�
The answer was simple. “I thought I needed some sort of change.�
“And you did it seems.� Emma tilted her head to get a better look. “You know… It sort of reminds me of that short style Britney had a while back. You know around the time she went public with Justin.�
“Britney? Really?� Stef frowned. “I was going for more of the Jennifer Aniston ala Golden Globes right after she married Brad Pitt thing,� she said as she lifted the hand held mirror to look at herself. “But you think it looks like Britney?�
“No,� Emma responded evenly, watching her friend fuss with her new shorn locks. Her eyebrow raised and she sucked in her lips. “It looks like you. In fact,� she added as she sat down on the couch of the tour bus beside Stef. “It looks to me like this hair,� Emma began her hand flipping up to make a point. “Actually this sudden need to change… that it might be some sort of an attempt at trying to forget something or maybe,� Emma paused. “Someone.�
The accusation hung in the air. The implication was waiting to be answered to.
Stef lowered the mirror and placed it down, avoiding Emma’s stare. “Don’t be silly. That’s not the reason I did it at all,� she replied tartly as she grabbed a hairbrush, running the bristles through her hair briskly.
“It was just a thought.� Emma shrugged.
Stef nodded acknowledging the words, then attempted to change the flow of their conversation away from her. “So how was your trip abroad?�
“What you mean to say is how’s Billie Joe?� Emma replied nonchalantly, observing her friend’s reaction. It seemed Emma wasn’t inclined to changing the topic that quickly.
Stef’s hand stopped its downward motion. Her eyes lowered to stare at the brush. “Billie Joe?�
“He asked me why you aren’t returning his calls.�
The words caused Stef to put down the brush completely. “Oh? Did he?�
“You knew he would Stef,� Emma said coolly. “Want to fill in your best friend here? Because I’ve got to say, I swear you two are like a really bad soap opera. One minute everything is hell with you two, the next you two are suddenly so peaceful you’ve got me wondering when heaven suddenly appeared on earth, and now its come back to hell except worse of course!� She crossed her legs and smoothed out her skirt. “So tell me. How is it possible that you two went from not being able to stand in the same room together without drawing blood, to buddy-buddy enough you actually liked playing the happy couple, to non-speaking terms in the span of a couple of months?�
Stef bit her fingernail.
“Uh-huh,� Emma remarked at the action. She gave Stef an analytical look and then stated her thought bluntly. “You slept with him didn’t you?�
Stef jumped up suddenly, her hand retracting from her mouth and resting on her head. “GOD NO!� she exclaimed. “That would just have…GOD Em how can you even! Do you think I would be…! I can’t believe!� She glared at her friend. “NO!�
“Oh I see.� Emma sat back thoughtfully. “You WANT to. THAT’s the problem.�
If it were possible, Stef’s eyes widened at the remark even more so than they had at the previous statement. Her tone was inflicted with bitterness. “Stop insinuating Em,� she spat out.
Emma was undeterred from her point however. “I would if you actually explained what’s going on Stef. Are you going to? Or am I going to have to continue to speculate?�
Stef heaved a sigh. “Em. I’m just… I’m just making it easier that’s all.�
“By not talking to him?�
“I’m sticking to the plan,� Stef said pointedly looking her friend in the eye. “It’s better that we don’t talk, it will only make the separation look more legitimate.�
“So this whole thing is something you two discussed?�
“There is nothing to discuss.�
“Apparently there is if he’s calling you.�
“He’s only calling me because…� Stef stopped.
“Because?�
Stef lowered her eyes. “It got complicated. Too complicated,� she said with finality, sitting back down. She picked at her top idly. “I get the feeling though that somehow you knew that already.�
Emma nodded. “Things like this aren’t simple Stef. You know that and so does he.� She brought her fingers to her lips, taping the curled digits against her mouth. “But avoidance doesn’t do anything but prolong the inevitable.� Emma broke the tapping motion of her hand, spreading out her fingers and waving it side to side. “In the end whatever you’re doing involves him. He has a right to decide what to do as much as you. You should be informing Billie Joe of whatever is going on in that mind of yours.�
“It’s easier if I don’t,� Stef reiterated looking away again.
And that’s all it took for the epiphany to hit Emma. Of course! The hair. Change. Avoiding. “Oh my god,� she breathed out all of a sudden, blinking rapidly at the onslaught of this new information. “You’re in love with him aren’t you?� she concluded. It was a statement, not a question.
The answer was soft but it was direct. “Love isn’t possible when the people aren’t real.�
“Please.� Emma picked up Stef’s cell phone and tossed it into her lap. “It’s as real as a phone call away Stef.�
Stef eyes settled on the phone in front of her. “Em. Things aren’t simple like that.�
“They are. It’s you who’s complex.�
Stef picked it up tentatively, and then she reached over to hand it back to Emma. But Emma wouldn’t take it.
“Stop being so stubborn. Just think about it Stef would you?� Emma shoved the phone back at her. “I was there with you when Charlie and you fell apart. I don’t need another repeat.� Emma stood up. “You might end up marrying someone else in Las Vegas,� she joked trying to lighten the mood. She wrapped Stef’s hand around the phone. “Will you just call him already and appease the continuous headache of mine that is you and Billie Joe?�
“Emma you can’t change everything with a phone call.�
“No. You can’t,� Emma replied. She looked at her best friend seriously. “But you can try.�
“Well I’m bad at trying,� Stef said resignedly toying with the phone in her hands.
“Not true. Look at your hair.�
“Exactly,� Stef confessed. She tugged lightly and the wig she had been donning came off. Her long hair cascaded down. “It’s fake. I couldn’t commit.�
Emma gaped. “I can’t believe it. That wasn’t real?� She picked up the hairpiece, feeling the texture. “Wow. It looked so real.�
“Well Em its just another thing that’s not,� Stef answered quietly.
************************************
God she was stubborn. Stef fingered the pad of her cell phone. This always happened. This inner battle, she’d been so close to calling so many times. She took a deep breath to clear her mind, but she couldn’t stop playing with the phone, and she couldn’t pay attention. She knew it was inevitable. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. And this morning… No matter what, despite the fact that she wouldn’t be able to call him she’d still do what she did every day for the past six weeks. She’d listen. She’d listen to his voice because despite herself she needed a part of him with her. Billie Joe never failed to call her. He called her everyday. And that last message from this morning. She had been so close.
“Hi... It’s me again. I needed to call even though I know you won’t pick up… I just. I guess I just needed to hear you… even if it is just voicemail,� he started, his voice unsure. “Stevie I…� He cleared his throat and continued. “I wish you’d call me…� his voice dropped, sounding faint.
She’d found her resolve crumbling at the sound.
“I...� Billie Joe sighed. “I’m going crazy.� And then he paused. “I miss you, miss you more than I can stand,� he said quietly. “Ali I think I’m…I know I’m…� He took a breath. “…I can live with you not talking to me… I just. I can’t live without you. I need you Stevie…I just need you.�
She was still thinking about it, even when she shouldn’t be.
“Stef what do you think?�
The question snapped Stef out of her thoughts. She nodded assuredly to the woman across the table, tucking the phone discreetly back in her bag.
“Sounds good Jeanne,� she responded, not knowing what she was agreeing to. Jeanne smiled at that and the meeting continued.
She couldn’t even remember what this meeting was for. What were they discussing again? Why couldn’t she just focus and stop thinking about him? Billie Joe. That voicemail. She found her mind wandering again despite her best attempts to keep alert. But it was to no avail, she just ended up drowning out everything around her and thinking about Billie Joe and that voicemail. Billie Joe. I need Billie Joe.
She was so distracted with the thought that she didn’t hear her cell phone ring until Jeanne coughed at the disturbance. Jolting back into reality, Stef smiled apologetically at the people in the room, hanging it up without glancing at it to quickly discontinue the sound. Then her phone rang again. And then it rang again. And then at the sixth attempt she ruefully plucked her phone out from her bag and checked the caller ID to see who could be so incessant. Why hadn’t she just turned the thing off?
Stef stood up instantly. Doing it quickly before she changed her mind. “I’m so sorry. Will you excuse me? I have to take this.�
Without waiting for any consent, she promptly left. Her feet urgently walking out of the room with determination, not stopping for a moment until she was safely outside. Biting her fingernail she flipped the phone open.
“Six times in less than a minute,� she whispered severely, as she searched for a quiet corner.
The other side of the line was silent for a moment. “Finally taking my calls.�
She should have not answered the phone. What possessed her to answer the phone? Stef sighed. “I’ve…I’ve been busy. Billie Joe, what’s so important? I’m in the middle of a meeting.�
“Nothing.�
“Nothing,� Stef said loudly, a little too loudly. People in the hall stopped and stared. She smiled at them, before turning towards the wall, and lowering her voice. “You’re calling for nothing?�
“Yeah. So how are you?�
“We are not having this conversation right now…� Stef paced.
“You know Stef you’re probably going to make a scene pacing back and forth like that.�
She halted. How did he know she was pacing?
“Stef? You still there?�
“Billie Joe. I… I don’t have time for this right now…I really should get back to…�
“I miss you.�
Stef leaned her head against the wall. He had to say that.
“You miss me?�
“Billie Joe…� Do not do this to me right now.
“Cause I miss you so much Stevie I had to see you.�
Her plan to just hang up was now being thrown out the window. She was weak. “Had?�
“Uh-huh. And I’ve got to admit you’re looking very beautiful with that confused expression on your face.�
“Billie Joe how do you…� Stef trailed off, turning around to find him standing beside her.
He grabbed the phone from her hand and hung it up. “You look even better close up.�
She stammered a moment, trying to come up with the right words but all she could say was, “You’re here.�
A helpless smile appeared on his face. “I figured you couldn’t avoid me in person.�
Stef blinked. “But you’re on the other side of the world right now.�
“Supposed to be,� Billie Joe answered softly.
“Billie Joe you shouldn’t be here.�
“But I am here.� He reached out and pulled that ever-present finger from her lips. She was biting her nails again. He held on to her hand. “And we’ve got to talk.�
************************************
He ran his hands across the side of his neck with frustration. He wanted to understand her but he couldn’t grasp how she could be so adamant.
“Billie Joe you know I’m right.� Stef responded meekly.
“You really want to believe that don’t you.� Stopping his movements back and forth across the hotel room he sank down onto his knees in front of her so they could be eye level. “Stevie if this didn’t mean anything you wouldn’t be trying so hard to convince me otherwise.�
“It’s the plan.�
“Fuck the plan!�
“You know this is why I didn’t call. I knew you were going to be like this!�
Billie Joe shot up again to standing position, and he rolled his eyes. “Stevie you didn’t call me because as usual you’re just ignoring everything.�
And suddenly she was defensive. “And what is that supposed to mean?�
“You still don’t know what you want.�
Stef narrowed her eyes. “God Billie Joe! You of all people should know we don’t always get what we want.� Rising from her sitting position on the bed she stood face to face with him and glared. “Why can’t you understand?�
“I’m trying to. But you keep on changing your mind,� he said coldly.
Her expression softened. “Don’t do this to me okay? I don’t need this.�
“Well I need you. So I guess you’d say we’re even,� he snapped.
And what could she say to that? She needed him just as much. He just didn’t understand that this would be easier. But she did.
“Billie Joe please…� Stef said softly, shutting her eyes to try to block off the warmth she felt as he drew himself closer. She inhaled his cologne, felt his unshaven face brush up against her smooth skin, and she was broken. The motions of his hands on her own were enough to make her take back the decision she had only made moments earlier.
“I’m in love with you.�
Her eyes flew open at the mention.
His own penetrated back at her, almost willing her to deny what she knew was the truth. “I’ve been in love with you.�
And that’s when Stef made a choice.
Not real.
It took everything in her to not say it back.
Not real. It took everything in her to walk out the door.
Not real.
That’s why she found herself crying as soon as she got on the elevator, because it took everything in her.
Not real.
Took everything in her to not admit that they were.
It seemed all too simple. Life couldn’t be that simple. It wasn’t meant to be easy. And even if it suddenly were, there were no indications that somehow all the rules had changed. The facts were they hadn’t. But here she was standing there, just moments after she walked out the door.
“Stevie…�
She kissed him then.
Caught off guard Billie Joe blinked and hesitated only for a second before instinct took over and he started to kiss her back. She clutched the front of his shirt when her back hit the wall. Her fingers sliding tantalizingly against the nape of his neck as he kissed her endlessly. A long drugging kiss that shook her to the core that made her want more and more, as she found with each movement of their lips together that close was not close enough.
And then he stopped it. Now he was the one that understood. With his hands on the wall, Billie Joe leaned his head against it, trying to regain some composure, and finding it difficult. The kiss had burned with all the passion and desire that flowed between them. It was like no kiss they had ever shared, harsh with need, and laced with hints of anger. He looked down at her, their breaths still ragged, unmoving until the sound of a zipper sliding down caused him to step back a little, unsure of what exactly they were getting themselves into.
“What are you doing?� Billie Joe managed weakly as he watched her finger the straps of her dress. It fell in one small motion, landing softly in a puddle at the base of her feet. She stepped out and pulled him towards her, intertwining their hands, feeling their wedding rings collide with one another. He remained unmoving as Stef took one of his hands and placed it on her bare waist, before moving it to the clasp of her bra. “Billie Joe…� she whispered looking intently up into his green eyes, aware that they had turned almost a shade darker. She let her lips slide back to his. “Make me real…�
“Stef I need to talk… OH MY…� Emma’s eyes widened at the sight in front of her. “STEFANIA…�
Stef lifted her hand unconsciously to smooth her hair. “Is it bad?�
“NO it’s just,� Emma answered as she walked over. “It’s just… Stef you cut your hair,� Emma said, her voice still tinged with surprise.
“You don’t like it? I’m not sure what I think. I just sort of did it. We were at the salon today and it was one of those spontaneous things…I wanted something different,� Stef stated biting her lower lip hoping for some sort of reassurance from her best friend.
“Well…it definitely is different,� Emma said slowly. “I mean the entire time I’ve known you you’ve had such long hair… I’m shocked but I… You look fabulous.� And then she proceeded to shake her head in disbelief, her hands flipping every which way. “God Stef! What possessed you to cut your hair?�
The answer was simple. “I thought I needed some sort of change.�
“And you did it seems.� Emma tilted her head to get a better look. “You know… It sort of reminds me of that short style Britney had a while back. You know around the time she went public with Justin.�
“Britney? Really?� Stef frowned. “I was going for more of the Jennifer Aniston ala Golden Globes right after she married Brad Pitt thing,� she said as she lifted the hand held mirror to look at herself. “But you think it looks like Britney?�
“No,� Emma responded evenly, watching her friend fuss with her new shorn locks. Her eyebrow raised and she sucked in her lips. “It looks like you. In fact,� she added as she sat down on the couch of the tour bus beside Stef. “It looks to me like this hair,� Emma began her hand flipping up to make a point. “Actually this sudden need to change… that it might be some sort of an attempt at trying to forget something or maybe,� Emma paused. “Someone.�
The accusation hung in the air. The implication was waiting to be answered to.
Stef lowered the mirror and placed it down, avoiding Emma’s stare. “Don’t be silly. That’s not the reason I did it at all,� she replied tartly as she grabbed a hairbrush, running the bristles through her hair briskly.
“It was just a thought.� Emma shrugged.
Stef nodded acknowledging the words, then attempted to change the flow of their conversation away from her. “So how was your trip abroad?�
“What you mean to say is how’s Billie Joe?� Emma replied nonchalantly, observing her friend’s reaction. It seemed Emma wasn’t inclined to changing the topic that quickly.
Stef’s hand stopped its downward motion. Her eyes lowered to stare at the brush. “Billie Joe?�
“He asked me why you aren’t returning his calls.�
The words caused Stef to put down the brush completely. “Oh? Did he?�
“You knew he would Stef,� Emma said coolly. “Want to fill in your best friend here? Because I’ve got to say, I swear you two are like a really bad soap opera. One minute everything is hell with you two, the next you two are suddenly so peaceful you’ve got me wondering when heaven suddenly appeared on earth, and now its come back to hell except worse of course!� She crossed her legs and smoothed out her skirt. “So tell me. How is it possible that you two went from not being able to stand in the same room together without drawing blood, to buddy-buddy enough you actually liked playing the happy couple, to non-speaking terms in the span of a couple of months?�
Stef bit her fingernail.
“Uh-huh,� Emma remarked at the action. She gave Stef an analytical look and then stated her thought bluntly. “You slept with him didn’t you?�
Stef jumped up suddenly, her hand retracting from her mouth and resting on her head. “GOD NO!� she exclaimed. “That would just have…GOD Em how can you even! Do you think I would be…! I can’t believe!� She glared at her friend. “NO!�
“Oh I see.� Emma sat back thoughtfully. “You WANT to. THAT’s the problem.�
If it were possible, Stef’s eyes widened at the remark even more so than they had at the previous statement. Her tone was inflicted with bitterness. “Stop insinuating Em,� she spat out.
Emma was undeterred from her point however. “I would if you actually explained what’s going on Stef. Are you going to? Or am I going to have to continue to speculate?�
Stef heaved a sigh. “Em. I’m just… I’m just making it easier that’s all.�
“By not talking to him?�
“I’m sticking to the plan,� Stef said pointedly looking her friend in the eye. “It’s better that we don’t talk, it will only make the separation look more legitimate.�
“So this whole thing is something you two discussed?�
“There is nothing to discuss.�
“Apparently there is if he’s calling you.�
“He’s only calling me because…� Stef stopped.
“Because?�
Stef lowered her eyes. “It got complicated. Too complicated,� she said with finality, sitting back down. She picked at her top idly. “I get the feeling though that somehow you knew that already.�
Emma nodded. “Things like this aren’t simple Stef. You know that and so does he.� She brought her fingers to her lips, taping the curled digits against her mouth. “But avoidance doesn’t do anything but prolong the inevitable.� Emma broke the tapping motion of her hand, spreading out her fingers and waving it side to side. “In the end whatever you’re doing involves him. He has a right to decide what to do as much as you. You should be informing Billie Joe of whatever is going on in that mind of yours.�
“It’s easier if I don’t,� Stef reiterated looking away again.
And that’s all it took for the epiphany to hit Emma. Of course! The hair. Change. Avoiding. “Oh my god,� she breathed out all of a sudden, blinking rapidly at the onslaught of this new information. “You’re in love with him aren’t you?� she concluded. It was a statement, not a question.
The answer was soft but it was direct. “Love isn’t possible when the people aren’t real.�
“Please.� Emma picked up Stef’s cell phone and tossed it into her lap. “It’s as real as a phone call away Stef.�
Stef eyes settled on the phone in front of her. “Em. Things aren’t simple like that.�
“They are. It’s you who’s complex.�
Stef picked it up tentatively, and then she reached over to hand it back to Emma. But Emma wouldn’t take it.
“Stop being so stubborn. Just think about it Stef would you?� Emma shoved the phone back at her. “I was there with you when Charlie and you fell apart. I don’t need another repeat.� Emma stood up. “You might end up marrying someone else in Las Vegas,� she joked trying to lighten the mood. She wrapped Stef’s hand around the phone. “Will you just call him already and appease the continuous headache of mine that is you and Billie Joe?�
“Emma you can’t change everything with a phone call.�
“No. You can’t,� Emma replied. She looked at her best friend seriously. “But you can try.�
“Well I’m bad at trying,� Stef said resignedly toying with the phone in her hands.
“Not true. Look at your hair.�
“Exactly,� Stef confessed. She tugged lightly and the wig she had been donning came off. Her long hair cascaded down. “It’s fake. I couldn’t commit.�
Emma gaped. “I can’t believe it. That wasn’t real?� She picked up the hairpiece, feeling the texture. “Wow. It looked so real.�
“Well Em its just another thing that’s not,� Stef answered quietly.
************************************
God she was stubborn. Stef fingered the pad of her cell phone. This always happened. This inner battle, she’d been so close to calling so many times. She took a deep breath to clear her mind, but she couldn’t stop playing with the phone, and she couldn’t pay attention. She knew it was inevitable. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. And this morning… No matter what, despite the fact that she wouldn’t be able to call him she’d still do what she did every day for the past six weeks. She’d listen. She’d listen to his voice because despite herself she needed a part of him with her. Billie Joe never failed to call her. He called her everyday. And that last message from this morning. She had been so close.
“Hi... It’s me again. I needed to call even though I know you won’t pick up… I just. I guess I just needed to hear you… even if it is just voicemail,� he started, his voice unsure. “Stevie I…� He cleared his throat and continued. “I wish you’d call me…� his voice dropped, sounding faint.
She’d found her resolve crumbling at the sound.
“I...� Billie Joe sighed. “I’m going crazy.� And then he paused. “I miss you, miss you more than I can stand,� he said quietly. “Ali I think I’m…I know I’m…� He took a breath. “…I can live with you not talking to me… I just. I can’t live without you. I need you Stevie…I just need you.�
She was still thinking about it, even when she shouldn’t be.
“Stef what do you think?�
The question snapped Stef out of her thoughts. She nodded assuredly to the woman across the table, tucking the phone discreetly back in her bag.
“Sounds good Jeanne,� she responded, not knowing what she was agreeing to. Jeanne smiled at that and the meeting continued.
She couldn’t even remember what this meeting was for. What were they discussing again? Why couldn’t she just focus and stop thinking about him? Billie Joe. That voicemail. She found her mind wandering again despite her best attempts to keep alert. But it was to no avail, she just ended up drowning out everything around her and thinking about Billie Joe and that voicemail. Billie Joe. I need Billie Joe.
She was so distracted with the thought that she didn’t hear her cell phone ring until Jeanne coughed at the disturbance. Jolting back into reality, Stef smiled apologetically at the people in the room, hanging it up without glancing at it to quickly discontinue the sound. Then her phone rang again. And then it rang again. And then at the sixth attempt she ruefully plucked her phone out from her bag and checked the caller ID to see who could be so incessant. Why hadn’t she just turned the thing off?
Stef stood up instantly. Doing it quickly before she changed her mind. “I’m so sorry. Will you excuse me? I have to take this.�
Without waiting for any consent, she promptly left. Her feet urgently walking out of the room with determination, not stopping for a moment until she was safely outside. Biting her fingernail she flipped the phone open.
“Six times in less than a minute,� she whispered severely, as she searched for a quiet corner.
The other side of the line was silent for a moment. “Finally taking my calls.�
She should have not answered the phone. What possessed her to answer the phone? Stef sighed. “I’ve…I’ve been busy. Billie Joe, what’s so important? I’m in the middle of a meeting.�
“Nothing.�
“Nothing,� Stef said loudly, a little too loudly. People in the hall stopped and stared. She smiled at them, before turning towards the wall, and lowering her voice. “You’re calling for nothing?�
“Yeah. So how are you?�
“We are not having this conversation right now…� Stef paced.
“You know Stef you’re probably going to make a scene pacing back and forth like that.�
She halted. How did he know she was pacing?
“Stef? You still there?�
“Billie Joe. I… I don’t have time for this right now…I really should get back to…�
“I miss you.�
Stef leaned her head against the wall. He had to say that.
“You miss me?�
“Billie Joe…� Do not do this to me right now.
“Cause I miss you so much Stevie I had to see you.�
Her plan to just hang up was now being thrown out the window. She was weak. “Had?�
“Uh-huh. And I’ve got to admit you’re looking very beautiful with that confused expression on your face.�
“Billie Joe how do you…� Stef trailed off, turning around to find him standing beside her.
He grabbed the phone from her hand and hung it up. “You look even better close up.�
She stammered a moment, trying to come up with the right words but all she could say was, “You’re here.�
A helpless smile appeared on his face. “I figured you couldn’t avoid me in person.�
Stef blinked. “But you’re on the other side of the world right now.�
“Supposed to be,� Billie Joe answered softly.
“Billie Joe you shouldn’t be here.�
“But I am here.� He reached out and pulled that ever-present finger from her lips. She was biting her nails again. He held on to her hand. “And we’ve got to talk.�
************************************
He ran his hands across the side of his neck with frustration. He wanted to understand her but he couldn’t grasp how she could be so adamant.
“Billie Joe you know I’m right.� Stef responded meekly.
“You really want to believe that don’t you.� Stopping his movements back and forth across the hotel room he sank down onto his knees in front of her so they could be eye level. “Stevie if this didn’t mean anything you wouldn’t be trying so hard to convince me otherwise.�
“It’s the plan.�
“Fuck the plan!�
“You know this is why I didn’t call. I knew you were going to be like this!�
Billie Joe shot up again to standing position, and he rolled his eyes. “Stevie you didn’t call me because as usual you’re just ignoring everything.�
And suddenly she was defensive. “And what is that supposed to mean?�
“You still don’t know what you want.�
Stef narrowed her eyes. “God Billie Joe! You of all people should know we don’t always get what we want.� Rising from her sitting position on the bed she stood face to face with him and glared. “Why can’t you understand?�
“I’m trying to. But you keep on changing your mind,� he said coldly.
Her expression softened. “Don’t do this to me okay? I don’t need this.�
“Well I need you. So I guess you’d say we’re even,� he snapped.
And what could she say to that? She needed him just as much. He just didn’t understand that this would be easier. But she did.
“Billie Joe please…� Stef said softly, shutting her eyes to try to block off the warmth she felt as he drew himself closer. She inhaled his cologne, felt his unshaven face brush up against her smooth skin, and she was broken. The motions of his hands on her own were enough to make her take back the decision she had only made moments earlier.
“I’m in love with you.�
Her eyes flew open at the mention.
His own penetrated back at her, almost willing her to deny what she knew was the truth. “I’ve been in love with you.�
And that’s when Stef made a choice.
Not real.
It took everything in her to not say it back.
Not real. It took everything in her to walk out the door.
Not real.
That’s why she found herself crying as soon as she got on the elevator, because it took everything in her.
Not real.
Took everything in her to not admit that they were.
It seemed all too simple. Life couldn’t be that simple. It wasn’t meant to be easy. And even if it suddenly were, there were no indications that somehow all the rules had changed. The facts were they hadn’t. But here she was standing there, just moments after she walked out the door.
“Stevie…�
She kissed him then.
Caught off guard Billie Joe blinked and hesitated only for a second before instinct took over and he started to kiss her back. She clutched the front of his shirt when her back hit the wall. Her fingers sliding tantalizingly against the nape of his neck as he kissed her endlessly. A long drugging kiss that shook her to the core that made her want more and more, as she found with each movement of their lips together that close was not close enough.
And then he stopped it. Now he was the one that understood. With his hands on the wall, Billie Joe leaned his head against it, trying to regain some composure, and finding it difficult. The kiss had burned with all the passion and desire that flowed between them. It was like no kiss they had ever shared, harsh with need, and laced with hints of anger. He looked down at her, their breaths still ragged, unmoving until the sound of a zipper sliding down caused him to step back a little, unsure of what exactly they were getting themselves into.
“What are you doing?� Billie Joe managed weakly as he watched her finger the straps of her dress. It fell in one small motion, landing softly in a puddle at the base of her feet. She stepped out and pulled him towards her, intertwining their hands, feeling their wedding rings collide with one another. He remained unmoving as Stef took one of his hands and placed it on her bare waist, before moving it to the clasp of her bra. “Billie Joe…� she whispered looking intently up into his green eyes, aware that they had turned almost a shade darker. She let her lips slide back to his. “Make me real…�
