What If We're Not Okay?, chapter 6
Once we had dried of a little, and made out a lot, Adrienne and I returned to the main room to witness Tre letting Joseph win on the Playstation game they had been playing earlier.
"I can't believe it, you won, AGAIN!" Tre shouted as his little animated figure on the TV died.
Adrienne rolled her eyes at me and whispered, "Do you think they will ever notice?"
I laughed, "Probably not."
Tre looked over and saw us standing in the doorway, our arms around each other, watching them play.
"I can't believe it, they win every single time!"
Jakob and Joseph laughed, "I think you need to practise more Uncle Tre!"
"I think I need to as well." Tre laughed ruffling Joseph's hair.
I caught Tre's eye again and jerked my head towards the front door.
"I think that is enough for one day, I'm going to go home so I can practise some more. See you guys later."
"Bye Tre."
"Bye." He replied, using Joseph's head for support as he stood up. He walked over to Adrienne, gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek. "Good Bye."
"Bye Tre, and thank you." She replied, hugging him back.
He just smiled and I followed him as he walked out the door to the hall. I opened the front door as he put his big black leather jacket back on and together we walked out into the gathering dusk.
"Billie... "
"Tre... "
We both paused. He smiled, "You go first."
I looked down at my feet, "Thank you for telling Adi, I was so worried, I don't think I would have been able to go into it without you."
He just smiled and shrugged. "It was the least I could do. I know you wanted to tell her, but I've also known you for long enough to know that it would have taken you ages to work up the courage to."
I shoved him, "Ah, you're probably right. How did you tell her? How did she take it?"
"Well I sent Jakob out to fetch his brother to give me some time to talk to her. I asked if you had told her your news yet, she sighed and said that you guys hadn't had time to talk before Jakob had come in. But it was so obvious she was worried about you. She loves you Bill, and when I told her you had cancer she wanted to go straight in to tell you she would stay with you every step of the way. But I sat her back down and told her as much of the information as you told me. That it wasn't terminal... yet, but that you should go in to start chemo as soon as possible. Talking over the details gave her time to calm down, I didn't want her running in on you in hysterics. She had just asked me what happened at your mum's when there was a bang and she ran off to make sure you were okay."
I sighed, "Thank you Tre."
"It's no problem. When are you going to tell everybody else?"
"I don't know. I think I will ring the label first thing on Monday, and between then and now organise everyone together so I don't have to chase anyone down to repeat myself."
"Sounds good, if you start a list of people Mike and I will help you ring around so you don't have to answer any awkward questions."
"Thanks." There was a silence.
"Well, I better be off. I have had enough adventure for one day. See you round Bill."
"Bye Tre, and thanks, again."
He nodded and hopped into his car. He started the engine, backed out of the drive and into the road waving one last time before he accelerated off. I stood for a while in the dark, the sobbing tears from a couple of hours ago seeming like a life away. Sure, it was cancer, and sure I was still terrified, but with Tre, Mike, Mom, and especially my soul mate, Adrienne, by my side, I could tackle it, or fucking die trying.
I turned around and looked over my house, MY house, and my car, and my beautiful family. When I was younger all of this had seemed like such a distant dream. Selling joints for pocket money, dropping out of school, waiting anxiously next to the phone to see if we had landed another gig or not, practising endlessly on my guitar, writing better and better songs, and finally getting that call to tell us we had got a record contract. Everything had taken me one step closer to getting to where I am today, becoming the man I am now, and I will be damned if I let anything get in the way. I rubbed my hand across my face, trying to calm down enough to put up the same normal, happy front for Joseph and Jakob, they didn't need to know... yet.
"I can't believe it, you won, AGAIN!" Tre shouted as his little animated figure on the TV died.
Adrienne rolled her eyes at me and whispered, "Do you think they will ever notice?"
I laughed, "Probably not."
Tre looked over and saw us standing in the doorway, our arms around each other, watching them play.
"I can't believe it, they win every single time!"
Jakob and Joseph laughed, "I think you need to practise more Uncle Tre!"
"I think I need to as well." Tre laughed ruffling Joseph's hair.
I caught Tre's eye again and jerked my head towards the front door.
"I think that is enough for one day, I'm going to go home so I can practise some more. See you guys later."
"Bye Tre."
"Bye." He replied, using Joseph's head for support as he stood up. He walked over to Adrienne, gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek. "Good Bye."
"Bye Tre, and thank you." She replied, hugging him back.
He just smiled and I followed him as he walked out the door to the hall. I opened the front door as he put his big black leather jacket back on and together we walked out into the gathering dusk.
"Billie... "
"Tre... "
We both paused. He smiled, "You go first."
I looked down at my feet, "Thank you for telling Adi, I was so worried, I don't think I would have been able to go into it without you."
He just smiled and shrugged. "It was the least I could do. I know you wanted to tell her, but I've also known you for long enough to know that it would have taken you ages to work up the courage to."
I shoved him, "Ah, you're probably right. How did you tell her? How did she take it?"
"Well I sent Jakob out to fetch his brother to give me some time to talk to her. I asked if you had told her your news yet, she sighed and said that you guys hadn't had time to talk before Jakob had come in. But it was so obvious she was worried about you. She loves you Bill, and when I told her you had cancer she wanted to go straight in to tell you she would stay with you every step of the way. But I sat her back down and told her as much of the information as you told me. That it wasn't terminal... yet, but that you should go in to start chemo as soon as possible. Talking over the details gave her time to calm down, I didn't want her running in on you in hysterics. She had just asked me what happened at your mum's when there was a bang and she ran off to make sure you were okay."
I sighed, "Thank you Tre."
"It's no problem. When are you going to tell everybody else?"
"I don't know. I think I will ring the label first thing on Monday, and between then and now organise everyone together so I don't have to chase anyone down to repeat myself."
"Sounds good, if you start a list of people Mike and I will help you ring around so you don't have to answer any awkward questions."
"Thanks." There was a silence.
"Well, I better be off. I have had enough adventure for one day. See you round Bill."
"Bye Tre, and thanks, again."
He nodded and hopped into his car. He started the engine, backed out of the drive and into the road waving one last time before he accelerated off. I stood for a while in the dark, the sobbing tears from a couple of hours ago seeming like a life away. Sure, it was cancer, and sure I was still terrified, but with Tre, Mike, Mom, and especially my soul mate, Adrienne, by my side, I could tackle it, or fucking die trying.
I turned around and looked over my house, MY house, and my car, and my beautiful family. When I was younger all of this had seemed like such a distant dream. Selling joints for pocket money, dropping out of school, waiting anxiously next to the phone to see if we had landed another gig or not, practising endlessly on my guitar, writing better and better songs, and finally getting that call to tell us we had got a record contract. Everything had taken me one step closer to getting to where I am today, becoming the man I am now, and I will be damned if I let anything get in the way. I rubbed my hand across my face, trying to calm down enough to put up the same normal, happy front for Joseph and Jakob, they didn't need to know... yet.
